Page 133 of Fight or Flight
He doesn’t wiggle. Instead he whips his head around like he’s trying to see better, making me sway on my feet as his weight shifts back and forth.
“Where are we going?” he asks, his words slurring worse than before. “I can’t see.”
“That’s because it’s dark,” I tell him as I step through the treeline and into the forest. “And it’s about to get a whole lot darker.”
“Why’re you helping me?” he asks and finally stops trying to look around.
“Because you need it.” I adjust my grip on him and step over a fallen log. He isn’t that heavy, but the ground is uneven, and I have to move more slowly than usual because it’s too dark to see where I’m putting my feet.
“Am I dying?”
“No.”
“My head feels weird.”
“Weird like all the blood is rushing to it, or weird like you’re gonna puke?” I ask, stopping in my tracks.
“The second one.” He makes a gagging sound, and I quickly pull him off my shoulder and set his feet on the ground.
He wobbles and sways, but doesn’t fight as I pull his arm over my shoulders and grip his waist with my other hand.
“Better?” I ask as I start walking again.
He’s not able to do much to help me, but he leans his weight against me and puts his head on my shoulder as he lets me half drag him through the dark woods. “I miss them,” he says forlornly.
“Who?” I ask when he falls quiet. I have a feeling I know exactly who he means, but it’s probably better to get him talking than it is to let him get stuck in his head right now.
“KJ and Rosie.” His entire body shakes with a sob. “I miss them so much.”
I have no idea what to say, but Shane is so far gone from the drinks and pills that he probably wouldn’t hear me even if I did try to comfort him.
“I don’t understand why I’m still here,” he mumbles, his voice thick with emotion as his words blend together, making ithard to understand him. “Why did he do it? Why didn’t he listen to me?” He lets out another body-shaking sob. “Why am I the one who’s still here? Why did it have to be me? I’m not him. I’ll never be him. They want me to be. But I can’t.”
He’s babbling now, his head heavy on my shoulder as I half carry, half drag him through the woods.
“I’m so tired,” he mumbles, his voice full of pain and despair. “I try to be what they want me to be, but I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to do it anymore.” He presses his face into my neck. “Don’t make me do it anymore. Please.”
“You don’t have to do it anymore,” I tell him, keeping my voice soft and even. I have no idea what he means, but he needs reassurance right now, so that’s what I’m going to give him.
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
He sort of falls against me, his entire body going limp, and I have to stop walking and grab him in a bear hug hold so he doesn’t slide right out of my grip and onto the forest floor.
“I wish he never saved me,” he whispers.
“You wish who never saved you?”
“KJ.” His voice is so soft I barely hear it.
His brother saved him from the fire? Is that why he was found outside?
“And I wish you never saved me,” he whispers, pressing his cheek into my neck. “I don’t want to die. But I don’t want to be here anymore.”
Instead of saying something that will most likely just make everything worse, I hold him tight and let him cling to me.
“I’m so tired,” he mumbles, and I know he’s not just talking about the effects of what he took.
