Page 87 of Make the Play
“What is it?” Emerson questions.
“It’s a good question, I hope,” Jason stalls, wishing the door were shut so he could hold Emerson the way he wants.
He’s never hesitated to touch Emerson before, but something about Caldwell’s accusatory tone and stare has Jason’s hackles on edge. He doesn’t want to do anything that might draw more attention to Emerson when he’s clearly already anxious.
“Alright,” Emerson replies.
“Will you come home with me?” Jason asks, unsure which of them is more surprised by the question—Emerson or him. He knows he should be playing it cool, but he doesn’t think he knows how to be subtle or casual. Emerson’s expression remains unchanged, the slight downturn of his lips making it impossible to read his feelings from his facial expression. If Jason didn’t know him so well, he would almost think Emerson isn’t interested. What gives him away is the way he twists the ring on his finger.
Unable to hold himself back, Jason reaches out to squeeze Emerson’s wrist. “Just so you know, it doesn’t have to mean anything.”
“You don’t want it to mean anything?” Emerson says, voice so low Jason can barely hear the words over the music from the gym.
Jason’s heart falls to the floor. Shit. That was not what he meant at all, and clearly he needs to be even more direct.
“Everything with you means something because it’s you. I only meant that we don’t have to do anything, not even kiss more, if you don’t want to. Although, I really hope you want to because kissing you was maybe the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But I don’t want you to feel pressured because I want to do it right, treat you right, you know because you’ve never done any of this before.”
“So you only want me to come over and maybe kiss because I’m inexperienced?”
In hindsight, perhaps there’s more than one reason Jason couldn’t keep a girlfriend beyond lack of sparks. Jason could almost laugh at how embarrassingly bad he’s fucking this all up if the scrunch of Emerson’s confused brow isn’t making him want to cry.
Time to go for broke.
“I want you to come over so I don’t have to say goodbye to you,” Jason tells him, laying every single one of his cards on the table. “Once we go out there, I’m going to spend hours watching you from across the room, unable to hold you or touch you the way I desperately want. There's no way I can just drop you off at home after this when all I want to do is hold you and kiss you. Or do anything with you. Everything's better when you’re around, Emerson. Everything.”
Emerson’s jaw trembles. “Jason.”
“Please come home with me, Emmy.”
“I—don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Me either,” Jason admits, taking one step closer. Trying to stay away from Emerson is like ignoring a gravitational pull. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone, Emmy. I’m in uncharted fucking territory here. I like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone, and you know, you’re also a man which was a bit of a shock, let me tell you.”
“What if it’s too much?”
“We can talk about that and all the other questions you wrote down on your phone later. If you don’t want to come home with me tonight, nothing has to change. I still want to take you on that date. I still want to be your friend. I?—”
“I want to,” Emerson admits, twisting his fingers so tightly it looks painfully. “But I’m scared.”
Jason’s exhale is a tenuous thing as he closes the space between them. One step for Emerson, the other for himself, lowering his forehead to rest it against Emerson’s. “We can be scared together then.”
“You don’t get scared,” Emerson whispers.
“I’m scared of this,” Jason admits, wrapping his arm around Emerson’s back. With the darkened lights and the position of Jason’s office, it's unlikely anyone can see them and if they do, it’s a risk he’s willing to take for Emerson.
“Because I’m a guy?”
“No, because you’re my Emmy.” Jason breathes him in, surprised to find he is the one trembling. Jason and Emmy.Jason and Emmy. He’s never wanted anyone the way he wants this beautiful man, and he suddenly understands a little bit of what Theo must’ve experienced, the kind of longing and desperation he must’ve felt that drove him to keep his burgeoning relationship with Jason’s younger brother a secret. Jason had been so angry and so hurt, not understanding how Theo could do what he’d done. He understands now because he knows, without a shadow of doubt, that he would do anything to keep Emerson.
Theo hadn’t betrayed Jason’s friendship. He’d fallen in love.
“I don’t want to fuck this up,” Jason whispers, holding Emerson just that little bit tighter. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re scared of losing me,” Emerson croaks as if it’s the most ludicrous thing he’s ever heard. “But you’re—you. You’re amazing. You are the best person I’ve ever known. I’m the one scared of losing you. I’m difficult and inexperienced and —”
Jason silences him with one final kiss, knowing they need to get back out to the dance but unable to leave this room until Emerson is more settled. If not completely, at least in where he stands with Jason.
“Whatever this is, we’re in it together. We’re a team. Team means family, whatever happens. Win or lose. You on my team, Emmy?”
