Page 24 of Make the Play
“Sure,” Jason grins, accepting the chip and popping it into his mouth.
Emerson taps his container of chips again but doesn’t eat anymore, opening and closing his mouth a few times like he’s not sure if he wants to say something. Jason’s seen it before in some of his players, or his students. He knows from experience pushing won’t make the question come out so he waits. Patience isn’t usually his strongest suit, but time and practice have made him a better listener.
His silence is rewarded a minute later when Emerson softly clears his throat. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” Jason sets his Coke can on the edge of his desk then leans forward, positing himself in Emerson’s direct line of sight. “What’s up?”
“Why do the kids from the LGBTQIA+ club come here?”
He’s not looking at Jason but rather at the flags on the wall making Jason’s chest constrict. There’s a reason he’s so vocal about his support, and it’s not just for his brothers and Theo, though that’s part of it. It’s for every person that has to look for a goddamn flag or a sticker becausesafeis not their default.
“You want the short or the long answer?” Jason asks.
“The honest one,” Emerson replies.
“I was in high school when my older brothers both came out. Well, came out might be the wrong word. Charlie’s never really come out because he doesn’t like labels, but he brought a boyfriend home for Thanksgiving that first year he came home from college and then a girlfriend home for Christmas. When our parents asked what was going on he told everyone to stop focusing on who he dated. We found out a few months later that Andrew is ace and well, there’s a story there but it’s not mine to tell.”
He glances up to find Emerson watching him with the same intense eye contact as before, the kind he never uses when speaking, almost as if every ounce of his being is focused on listening to Jason right now.
“Not long after that Theo came out to me as bisexual and then a few months later, my baby brother Alec came out as gay, very loudly and vocally in the fourth grade talent show.” Jason takes a deep breath, offering Emerson a smile. “They were all so brave in their own ways, and it fucking killed me that they had to be. Over the course of a few years, I watched the people I love most have to keep coming out, or worse hiding because they didn’t feel safe. It was so goddamn unfair that just because they didn’t fit into someone else’s box, they were more likely to get bullied or hurt. They needed me to be strong, so many people needed me, and I decided then and there to take all the heat you know? I was a jock, and I’m straight and stupid as it is, so people didn’t say shit to me. Not like they did to them.”
Scrubbing a hand over his jaw, Jason sighs. He is in dire need of a good shave. “When I started teaching here, they had a different coach, and he was—more traditional. He retired my second year of teaching, which is when I took on the head coaching position. At that point, my suspicions were confirmed, and I realized there was some toxic shit going on and I could change it. The stupidest thing about all of it is why the fuck people care what I think? I’m just the football coach. But I realized my opinion held sway and—I wanted that to matter.”
“That’s brave,” Emerson says.
“I dunno, maybe.” Jason shrugs, never comfortable with receiving accolades for this kind of thing. “I think it’s basic human decency, you know?”
“You’re not like the jocks I knew back home,” Emerson says. “We didn’t have a club like this but if we had, well, let’s just say we wouldn’t have been welcome with the football team. By we, I mean, um, that is, um—I’m gay. I didn’t tell the principal when she hired me. I wasn’t sure…I mean I think it’s more liberal here than where I’m from, but I didn’t know how that might impact my job prospect. That is?—”
“I’m not going to out you to anyone, Emerson.” Jason reaches out, laying a hand on his knee to still the way it bounces rapidly. Emerson’s entire body shudders with the force of his exhale and he shakes his head from side to side.
“No it’s—I don’t want to be a secret anymore. I did that for…a long time. I just wasn’t sure if it was safe.”
“I wish I could say everyone here is accepting but the truth is there are a few teachers who, well, I wouldn’t invite to my place for a pizza. Let’s put it that way. But overall, it’s a good school, and we’ll have your back. I’ll have your back. I promise. You don’t have to be anyone but yourself, Emerson.”
Emerson retrieves the stress ball he’d borrowed from Jason’s truck out of his lunch bag, focusing on the compression while he speaks. “The other thing is uh, you know. I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’m not very good with people.”
“You seem to be doing just fine, and your students love you. You’ve got one of my freshmen—Arlo. He says your class is great. Coming from Arlo, that is high praise because he hates school.”
“Arlo…Rosales?” At Jason’s nod, some of the tension bleeds out of Emerson. “He’s a good kid.”
“He is,” Jason agrees.
“The thing is, um, there’s something else that you might want to know about me. You know if we’re going to be friends, which I thought we might be working towards.”
Aside from Theo, most of Jason’s friendships are more casual, but he can tell that isn’t going to be the case with Emerson. At least he hopes not. He’s already trying to figure out a way to make sure they can have lunch together again, to find a way to finagle himself into Emerson’s routine to get to know him better.
“No if about it, Emerson. We’re already friends. You shared your Ranch Doritos with me, that’s practically bestie shit right there.”
“I’m autistic,” Emerson says in a rush. “No one else knows that either, but it’s not a secret. Or I guess it is. I wasn’t sure about telling anyone here. I was a little nervous if I did, they might think I can’t handle the job, which I can. I’m a good teacher, it’s just sometimes people think if you need extra help or accommodations that you can’t do anything and—I don’t know. Sorry, I’m rambling. I’ve never had to tell anyone, not like this, but I thought if you were gonna be around me, you might want to know why I’m, you know, the way I am.” He slowly trails off, looking more unsure than when he started talking.
“Emerson.”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for telling me.” Emerson exhales a shuddering breath, the tightness in his features loosening as he directs those wide, doe eyes at Jason. “For what it’s worth, I like you the way you are.”
The corners of Emerson’s lips turn up in a smile, and the breadth of it is a tangible thing that Jason feels right in the center of his chest. That smile right there, toothy and unmasked, makes Jason’s heart beat faster. Everyone should look that happy, especially Emerson.
