Page 56 of Make the Play
Sure, Jason won’t be looking at him with attraction, but he still might like how Emerson looks. He’s always complimenting Emerson when he wears green, or telling him he’s handsome. While Emerson is sure it’s just something Jason does with all his friends, it still makes him feel good. After a lifetime of having his shortcomings and flaws pointed out, Jason’s freely given compliments and praise feel like the first rays of sunshine after a harsh winter.
Suddenly, it’s all Emerson can do not to hide his face in his hands and scream, unable to distract himself from his thoughts of Jason. Would Jason like the color? The fit? Would he tell Emerson he looked nice? Maybe even that he looked pretty? Hearing Charlie say it had made Emerson feel squirmy and awkward. But it doesn’t feel like that when Jason says it, and it’s kind of embarrassing how bad he wants to find a reason for him to do so.
Emerson swallows around a rush of emotions too complicated and messy to differentiate. Longing, confusion, grief, and most of all Jason himself. Drawing his fingers over the photo he finds it impossible to pretend this isn’t what he wants. He stares at it for so long Denise returns to the room, hovering near Emerson for long seconds before she finally speaks.
“Find something you like, sweetheart?”
He holds his breath, weighing his options. This is the kind of suit that will make people look at him. He won’t be able to hide in the background, but he’s done that for so long. Maybe it’s alright now. Maybe it’s safe to stop hiding. Besides, he won’t be alone. Jason will be there, and that makes Emerson feel brave enough to answer honestly.
“Yes.”
* * *
An hour later,Emerson is quite certain he doesn’t want to ever be measured for a suit again. Andrew was right that Denise was patient and accommodating, but Emerson quickly realized that while he’s often desperate to be touched, it’s only when that touch comes from Jason that it’s soothing. Jason’s touch is firm, grounding. He always gives Emerson’s neck or shoulder a deep pressure squeeze that makes his body buzz with happy feelings. In stark contrast, Denise’s touches had been light, probably in an attempt to be respectful. While appreciated, it made it feel like feathers were ghosting across his skin in the worst way possible.
By the time Emerson emerges into the front sitting room, he’s all kinds of cranky. Between being touched too much and crying over his mom, he feels like someone scrubbed his insides over with sandpaper. All he wants to do is go home and burrow on his couch under his weighted blanket for a few hours with Lord of the Rings on in the background.
Bracing himself for a bunch of people staring at him, he’s surprised to find the front sitting room empty aside from Jason.
“Where are your brothers?”
Jason almost drops his phone, fumbling it between his big hands as he stares at Emerson. His cheeks are flushed red, almost as if he’s overheated, and Emerson wonders if he’s hot.
“I uh, sent them home,” Jason says, twisting his phone in his hands. “Fuckers were driving me nuts.”
Relief makes Emerson’s shoulders sag. “Oh good, I don’t wanna be around anyone. Wait, that's rude.”
Jason barks out a laugh. “It’s honest, which for the record I like.”
“Okay,” Emerson says, relief heavy in his chest.
“Why don’t I get you home,” Jason offers. “Get me out of your hair too so you don’t have to people.”
“You’re not people,” Emerson blurts.
“I’m not?” Emerson shakes his head. “What exactly am I then?”
“You’re…Jason.”
“And Jason is excluded from people?”
“Uh-huh,” Emerson confirms, seeing no point in pretending now. He’s said it. It’s out there. Besides it wouldn’t be the boldest or most awkward thing he’s ever said to Jason yet.
“Well then I’m honored,” Jason grins, somehow always, managing to say the right thing. “So do you wanna get food and watch Lord of the Rings?”
“We watched it last weekend,” Emerson points out. “Besides, don't you have pizza night with Theo?”
“Not this week. He and Alec went up north for the weekend to a cabin for a belated birthday celebration for Theo. Besides, I like hanging out with you.”
“We could watch something else if you’d rather,” Emerson offers since he knows Jason only put his favorite movie on last week for his benefit. “Something you want.”
“I’m good with anything,” Jason shrugs. “If you’re happy, I’m happy.”
The most incredible thing is, he knows Jason means it. The first time he said it, Emerson had been so certain it was one of those weird expressions or things people say but don’t mean, and he needed to try and parse the true meaning for himself. But no, whatever Jason says he means. He is an open book. Honest, easy to read and for whatever reason, seemingly happy to spend time with Emerson, regardless of what they do.
“What do you want to watch, Emmy?” Jason asks.
“Lord of the Rings,” Emerson mumbles, unsure why he still feels embarrassed even though Jason clearly knows. It’s hard to shake that voice in his head from his family, always giving him shit for his narrow interests. Especially Landon, who’d taken any opportunity to remind him he’d never find a boyfriend who would spend every weekend watching the same movie over and over. He might not have a boyfriend, but he has a Jason, and that’s even better.
