Page 128 of Break the Rule
“I hate you,” Eden chokes out.
Charlie pulls out of the hug abruptly, expression shattering. “What?—”
“I fucking hate you for saying that,” Eden rages. “No one misses me.No one.”
“I do.”
“Fuck you, Charlie King.” Eden slams his fists into Charlie’s chest, desperately, painfully, dizzyingly angry at this goddamn man for making him care. “I hate you so much for making me want things I have never, ever wanted. I hate you for making me laugh. I hate you for holding me. I hate you for wearing stupid clothes I can’t hate. I hate you for coming back again and again, even when I run. I hate you so much because…because I don’t hate you. Why can’t I hate you?”
The expression on Charlie’s face physically hurts. It’s so goddamn understanding and kind, and Eden would run, but there’s nowhere left to go, and he’s tired. He’s so fucking tired.
“Why can’t I hate you?” Eden whispers, falling to his knees.
The ground is cold and hard, exactly like Eden deserves. What he doesn’t deserve is for Charlie to fall to the ground with him, wrapping Eden up in his arms when all of this is his fault. When Eden ran away, it hurt in the way it hurts to press on a bruise—sharp pain tempered by a weird relief. As if expecting the pain lessens it. It makes no sense that somehow Charlie coming back for him hurts more.
Eden convinced himself that he would never see Charlie again, and he’d made painful peace with it. After all, he was the one who walked away. He’d even quit his job so he wouldn’t have to face him, so he wouldn’t ever have to see how easily Charlie would get over him. Eden made sure he left before he got in too deep. Only the joke was on Eden, because not only did he hurt Charlie, he broke his own heart.
Whatever resolution or comfort Charlie is here to offer is undeserved, but Eden wants it anyway. Acknowledging this shatters what’s left of Eden’s walls. There’s no denying it. Eden wants Charlie. He wants Charlie so much it hurts.
“You should go,” Eden chokes out, while at the same time fisting his hands in Charlie’s shirt and holding on so tightly, he couldn’t leave if he tried.
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“No, I don’t,” Charlie protests.
“I’m not the kind of guy you keep, Charlie.” His voice drops, the words somehow more painful out loud than when they were echoing around in his head. “You have a family and friends, and I’m not?—”
“You are,” Charlie interrupts.
“I’m not,” Eden argues. “I ran.”
“Well, I followed you.”
“Because you’re a fucking idiot.”
“Yeah, but I’myouridiot.” Charlie noses against Eden’s temple, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Your boyfriend.”
“We broke up.”
“Did we? I don’t have any memory of that officially happening.” Charlie grabs his ass, pulling Eden into his lap. It’s embarrassing how easily Eden lets himself be manhandled, how easily he folds himself into Charlie’s embrace and lets someone else—lets Charlie—be strong. “I thought you didn’t want me, but my brothers pointed out some hard truths I needed to hear. I think you do want me. I think you want me so much you don’t know how to handle it.”
“Cocky fucker,” Eden grumbles.
“I mean, can you blame me? I’m devilishly handsome, and my boyfriend is fucking gorgeous and can’t get enough of me. He was miserable without me. He couldn’t function without me in his life. He specifically said, ‘Oh no my life is so boring and dull without Charlie.’”
“I never fucking said that.”
“You didn’t need to.” Charlie’s arms encircle him, holding him close. “I know it because…because that was me. I couldn’t stand not having you around to bitch at me or laugh at me. I missed having you around telling me what to do and how to do it. My life was black and white without you, Eden.”
“Charlie.”
“You’re my color, Eden Montgomery. You make everything brighter and more beautiful.”
“I mess things up,” Eden whispers, unsure why he can’t stop fighting Charlie offering him exactly what he wants.
Because you’re scared,his brain whispers. Scared of being wanted. Scared of being vulnerable. Scared of loving someone who might one day leave. So goddamn fucking scared.
