Page 136 of Light My Fire Three Times
I feel a pang of guilt twisting in my chest, but I push it down, reminding myself that this is the moment I’ve been avoiding. The moment I’ve been too scared to face.
“Come in.”
I welcome her inside, but nothing about this feels warm and inviting.
“I… I’m not sure what to say, Ivy,” I admit, once we’re inside. “I’ve been meaning to call you. To explain.”
She nods, her lips thinning into a hard line. “I’m not here for an explanation, Liv. I’m here because I need to hear it from you. From your side of things.”
Her words are sharp, and I feel them cut into me like a blade. I swallow hard, trying to steady myself. “It’s… complicated.”
“I know.” Ivy doesn’t look away, but the vulnerability in her eyes stabs at my heart. “Jesse said the same thing. It’s complicated.”
She sighs, dropping her gaze for a moment. When she looks up at me again, there’s something darker in her eyes that I haven’t seen in a long time. Disappointment.
“I know I’ve made a mess of things,” I continue, feeling my throat tighten with everything I’ve been holding back. “I should’ve told you. I should’ve said something sooner, but… I was scared. I feared what it might mean for us. For our friendship. And for Jesse.”
Ivy’s brows furrow as she watches me closely. “So, what exactly is going on with you and Jesse?” she asks, colder now, like she’s trying to piece together something that doesn’t make sense.
“Because all I know is that I found out through town gossip. And you’re standing here acting like everything’s fine when… when I thought we were friends, Liv. Also, I was under the impression that you were dating Karl.”
Shit, here it is. The moment to tell the truth. “I am…”
“What do you mean?”
I meet her eyes. “Leo too.”
“So… what you’re saying is… you’re seeing all three of them? Separately, or… a bit like me, Freddie, Mitchell, and Timothy?”
“Exactly like that.”
Ivy’s face goes pale, her jaw clenching as she processes my words.
She doesn’t speak for a long moment, just staring at me, her arms crossed tightly over her chest like she’s physically trying to protect herself from what I’ve just laid bare.
“You’re… you’re serious?” she asks finally, trembling just slightly, like the words are too heavy for her to carry. “This… thisisn’t some joke? I mean, I know Jesse has accepted my life now, but I didn’t know he’d find himself in the situation.”
I swallow hard, my throat dry as I try to find the right words to explain the mess I’ve gotten myself into. “I’ve never been more serious, Ivy. I’m not trying to hurt you. But I’ve… I’ve been falling for them. All of them. It’s complicated and messy, and I should’ve told you. I should’ve been honest.”
Ivy’s eyes narrow, a flash of something dangerous crossing her face. “So, you’ve been keeping this from me. All this time. And you’ve been hiding it, letting me figure it out from rumors?” Her voice gets louder with each word, and I can hear the raw pain in it. “Why, Liv? Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“I didn’t know how,” I admit. “I didn’t know how to say it without… I don’t know, ruining everything. I didn’t want to lose you. And I didn’t want to ruin things with them, either.”
Ivy laughs bitterly, her arms dropping to her sides. “So, instead, you thought it would be better to keep it all a secret? To make me feel like I was the last to know. To let me hear it from everyone else but you?”
I wince at the words, feeling the sting of truth in each one. She’s right. I’ve been selfish in my silence.
“I never meant to hurt you,” I whisper, stepping closer to her. “But I’ve made a mess of this. I’m sorry.”
Ivy shifts uncomfortably, her arms crossed tight over her chest as she glances at me with that look, like she’s about to hit me with a truth bomb I’m not ready for.
“Liv, I need to ask you something,” she says, trying to tiptoe around a minefield.
“Shoot,” I say, plastering a smile on my face, though inside, my stomach is a ball of nerves.
She raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure you’re not doing all of this… I don’t know, to distract yourself?” Her gaze softens just a touch, but there’s still a concerned edge. “Because, Liv, yourlife is basically a soap opera right now. Between the fire, your job, and… the move, I’m wondering if maybe you’re avoiding the chaos in your own head.”
I feel like I’ve been slapped with a metaphorical pie in the face, and for a second, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Wow. So, what you’re saying is?—”
