Page 11 of Nyx
In those moments, I longed for my cell.
For the only home I’d ever known.
Now I’ve recreated that cell and bound myself inside those walls. A tear splashes into my bowl, and my hand shakes as I lift the spoon to my mouth and force myself to take another bite. Flavors explode on my tongue. It’s a sensation I’m still getting used to after a lifetime of bland meals. Chew, and swallow, then repeat. I do it again and again, methodically eating my dinner until it’s gone.
Water pours in a sputtering stream from the faucet as I wash my dish and set it aside to dry. I should return it to Ronan, but I don’t have it in me to face the world. My eyes drift over the growing stack of cleaned plates and bowls, guilt once again gnawing at my insides.
Seems I haven’t had it in me for a while now.
Moonlight melts into a pale sunrise and shines through the window, its glow illuminating the oversized t-shirt that covers my torso. Sleep escaped me throughout the night. My mind was too full of memories to quiet long enoughto rest. Birds chirp in the distance, and I sit up and stare between the vines into the bluish-orange dawn.
My eyes wander to Reyes’s cabin across the path, and I wonder if he ever has trouble sleeping. Probably not. He’s so confident. Comfortable in his own skin, but not in the same loud way as Ronan and Elas. Reyes holds a quiet strength that silences some of the turbulence in my mind, and I hate how I fall apart in his presence.
What must he think of me?
So damaged and pitiful.
So fragile.
Sostrange.
My bare toes curl against the wooden floor. I should wear shoes like the others, but I loathe their restrictive bindings when all I want is the dew-covered grass beneath my feet. After I slide a pair of shorts under my shirt, I step outside.
Underneath the canopy of the forest, I’m more at home than I am inside my cottage. My kind are deeply in tune with nature, though I never had the opportunity to learn its magic. I was too young when I was taken, and time has stolen the bits of knowledge I once had.
Now I rely purely on instinct. My hand drags along a low bush, and I push my energy outward, watching as it rewards me with blooms and new, bright green growth. It gives me peace, however fleeting. I loop around the outskirts of the village and soak in the quiet morning while everyone else still sleeps. Through the trees, my eyes land on the garden, and I heed its call.
Wood creaks as I push the gate open, taking a deep inhale of the fresh, earthy scent. Reyes spends so muchtime here that I feel his presence everywhere. In the hand tools that lean against the fence, and the empty bottle he set beside them. In the primitive shed he and Lillith spent a few days building. It’s a little lopsided, but it serves its purpose. Useful, even if it isn’t perfect.
Reyes respects the plants in a way the others don’t. They know they’re important on a surface level, but he acts as their keeper. Waters them and fights against the insects, and checks them daily for disease or damage. He builds fences to protect them and reuses pieces of netting that keep the animals out of our food. It makes me sad that the forest creatures are being denied this feast, but I understand it’s necessary. I’ve overheard Ronan and Reyes discussing our supplies, and that we need more to feed everyone through the colder months.
This world is harsh, even outside Ljómur's walls.
My knees sink into the soft soil, and I trace my fingers along the giant, velvety leaves. Ronan calls this plant asquash, though that word doesn’t make sense to me. He also called it asquashwhen he killed a spider on his leg, and these things are very different. Their words confuse me, but I try to remember them. I try to find space in the white noise of my brain.
Dozens of long, yellow-green vegetables rest on the dirt underneath the leaves, and I give the soil a boost of my magic as I inspect them. Faint rustling startles me, but when I turn, a small creature stares at me from the other side of the fence. It has a bushy tail and makes a curious chittering noise at me, and the hint of a smile tugs at my lips.
“Hungry?” I ask as I pluck the smallest fruit from its stem and pass it through the fence. The animal holds it with tiny, clawed hands and chitters again. “You are welcomed,” I say as it takes a few rapid bites, and its cheeks push out wide.
A sound beyond the trees startles us both, and my new friend darts away and scurries up a tree. Fear clamps its icy fingers around my heart, and I scramble to my feet, barely remembering to close the gate behind me as I dash for the safety of my house. I pause, though, at the familiar rumbling voice. Indecision makes me hesitate for a few long moments, but I recognize the sadness in the quiet whispers.
I know their pain.
Shaky feet lead me back into the forest, noisier than usual to announce my arrival. Elas sits against a large tree. His eyes are closed and his face tilted up towards the dawn sky, and his ears twitch as I approach. “Hey, Nyx,” he says, never opening his eyes.
“How did you know?”
A bittersweet smile spreads over his lips. “You smell like the honeysuckle plants that grow near the stream.” We’re both silent for a long stretch before he forces another smile, this one rigid and fake. “Are you here to learn more fun words? Ronan yelled at me for two whole minutes after you called him a pervert, but I never admitted anything. Secret’s safe for now.”
“You are sad,” I say after a moment, and the budding happiness on his face crumbles back into pain. Guilt tries to close my throat, but he pushes out a shaky sigh and nods.
“Yeah,” he rasps, taking a few steadying breaths. “Yeah, I am.”
The mossy ground is still damp as I sink onto my knees beside him. A lifetime of having no one to talk to has made it difficult for me to express myself with words, but for him, for what he has done, I try.
“It is… hard, sometimes,” I say, and he opens a single eye to glance at me. “To remember you are no longer there. To remember you are free.”
“You must think I’m such a coward.” His voice is rough, and I frown as he shakes his head and swallows with a harsh click of his throat. “You spent a lifetime there, and they broke me after only ten days. I have no right to complain, especially to you.”
