Page 49 of Nyx
“Not mad. Ashamed.”
“Ashamed?” I ask, and he glances over his shoulder at me. His hair is tangled, messy from his days spent outside and in bed.
“It was such a simple task, but I could not do it.”
“It’s only simple if you have the energy to get it done. There’s no scale. If it was too much for you to handle, it wasn’t simple. You don’t have to be embarrassed that you needed help.”
Nyx nods, but it isn’t convincing. I swallow and take a step closer until only a foot separates us. It seems too heavy to continue the conversation, and maybe it’s selfish, but I want more of that lightness we just shared. “After we eat, I have a surprise for you.”
He whips around with wide eyes, and I bite back my grin. That certainly did the trick. “A surprise? What is this surprise?”
“Well, I can’t tell you that, can I?”
“You could,” he argues, and this time I can’t stop my grin.
“Come on. Eat the rest of your muffin, and then we’ll grab some dinner. Once you’ve eaten, you’ll get your surprise.” He narrows his eyes, and the response is so feisty that I laugh again. It lifts a notch of stress off my chest to see him this playful.
He grabs his food off the counter and eats much more quickly than he did earlier. When he’s finished, he gestures at the bathroom with an awkward grimace, but I only chuckle. “Take your time. I’ll wait for you in the living room.”
When he emerges, he smells strongly of mint toothpaste. Drips of water plunk from his hair, and I realize he was trying to tame the knots with his fingers. Another rush of affection hits me as he flushes and shifts his weight uncomfortably, but I don’t comment on his efforts.
“Are you ready?” I ask, and he tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. He seems like he might change his mind and say no, but his gaze snags on my bare feet, then moves to my shoes sitting by the door. I smile as his eyes move up to mine, and he nods.
His posture loosens as we step out into the sun, but when he hears the voices of the others, he tenses again. I’m stuck wondering whether it’s best to acknowledge it or leave it alone when timid fingers reach for mine.
When I glance down in surprise, he pulls back and jerks his head away so fast his hair flies in front of his face. For the hundredth time over the past few days, my heart breaks at his uncertainty. The bravery it must’ve taken for him to initiate is humbling. It also means he needs comfort, and that he’s seeking it fromme.
I reach over and tease the side of his hand with my pinkie. “You can touch me any time you want, Nyx. You don’t need permission.” When a long, shaky sigh pushes from his nose and his gaze darts to my hand, I understand his hesitation. How could I not, when he’s never been granted authority over his own body? “I won’t touch you unless you ask me to, okay? The choice will always be yours.”
He stops walking and looks up at me, the relief in his eyes cut by uncertainty. “That does not seem fair.”
“We aren’t keeping score,” I say gently. “Things don’t have to be the same to be equal.”
“I have never had equal.” The blunt truth hurts, but he says it in a matter-of-fact way. It isn’t something he’s upset about; it justis.
“Well, now you do. You might as well get used to it.” My teasing earns me another half-smile, and he reaches over to take my hand. His fingers fill the empty spaces between mine like they were designed to fit right there. His grip is a touch awkward, like he worries he’s doing it wrong, but eventually, he relaxes. Our joined hands fall between us, where they’re meant to be.
We approach the others, and I’m no better than a guard dog, putting myself a half-step in front of Nyx. I push my chest out anddareany of them to say the wrongthing to him. Hells, if I’m not careful, I might bare my teeth and start barking. Nyx’s fingers flex against mine as Ronan glances up from where he sits with Cameron, and his eyes narrow.
Mine narrow right back.
He never retaliated after I punched him, but something tells me I’ll regret it the next time we train.
Cameron, on the other hand, looks positively gleeful as he spots our hands woven together. There’s no telling what might come out of his mouth, so when he meets my eyes, I give him a very abrupt shake of my head in warning. He deflates and rolls his eyes, but stays quiet.
August comes over with a giant smile and Elas by his side. “How are you feeling?” August asks Nyx before I can stop him, and Nyx tightens his grip on my hand, staring at the ground as he gives a jerky nod.
“We’re just grabbing dinner,” I say, pulling the attention off him.
Elas’s glance is understanding, and he dips his head. There’s a distinct lightness to his tone as he says, “There is a huge vat of vegetable and rice soup over the fire. Does that sound okay?” Nyx nods, and Elas grins at the way he licks his lips as he stares at the steaming pot. “I’ll grab you both a bowl… August, can you help me carry them?”
August looks confused as I silently thank Elas for dragging him away. August is kind, and always well-intentioned, but he’s also endlessly curious and has a tendency to ask invasive questions. He never realizes they can be uncomfortable for others, so I don’t mind, but Nyx doesn’t need the stress.
Taryn and Lillith are missing from the crowd. I need to hunt them down and apologize for the way I acted on our trip. They say they understand, but it doesn’t change the fact that I was a first-class jerk when they’d done nothing to deserve it.
Elas returns with our food, and Nyx releases my hand to take his bowl. I grin as he inspects the soup hungrily, and when I glance up at Elas, he might as well have hearts in his eyes. “Sap,” I tease, and he only shrugs. “How’s the garden doing?”
It was questionable to leave him and August in charge of the garden, but it was the best option. I would not abandon Nyx, and Cameron had already admitted to killing any plant he touches.
