Page 71 of Nyx
My jaw opens wide with a yawn, and Nyx stirs. I realize I’m damn near hanging off the edge of the mattress, while his arms and legs are stretched wide, taking up space in a way his small frame shouldn’t allow. For someone who isn’t used to sleeping in a large bed, he sure is comfortable occupying the whole thing. My grin deepens, and he blinks his eyes open. He’s adorably confused for a moment.
“Good morning,” I rasp, my voice gravelly from sleep. Those stunning sage eyes move up to mine, and his lips lift in a sleepy smile.
“Morning,” he whispers back, nuzzling against my chest. He stretches, and the blanket slides down to expose more of his skin. Half of his ass cheek peeks out from beneath his shirt, and I want nothing more than to grab it. Bite it, shake it… do anything at all with it.
I contain myself, though barely.
“What do you want to do today?” I ask. He sits up, and I try not to pout as the shirt falls over his cute little butt, but it’s a loss that deserves at least a moment’s mourning.
“We need a bath,” he says, wrinkling his nose as he glances down at the front of my shorts. “I made a mess of you.”
I snort before I can catch myself. “To be fair, I made a mess of myself, too. I liked it,” I promise him, feathering my fingers along his forearm. Tiny goosebumps lift on his skin, and he shivers as I do it again. “You, um… you’re different from me. Your anatomy.” He scrunches his features into his confused face, and I huff another laugh. “Body parts.”
“Oh,” he breathes, chewing on the side of his lip as his eyes dart away, but I grip his chin and force them back to mine. They fret, broadcasting his stress like always, but I peck a soft kiss onto his nose and some of that worry fades.
“It’s not a bad thing, just an observation. It just made me curious, because you have a cock like me, but also… more.”
A flush burns on his cheeks as his gaze drops to my crotch for a split second. “Human males do not bear children, yes?”
“Correct,” I say with a slow nod. “Those born with male anatomy can’t. Humans born as female do, and their parts are more like… yours. Where I was touching you last night.”
“The Drüinae—my people—do not assign children a gender. We are of one body. No differences. They choose their… ah, what is the word? Who you are here?” He taps his hand over his heart.
“Identity,” I say, and he wrinkles his nose. He makes that face when he doesn’t like how a word sounds, and I chuckle as he waves it off.
“They choose when they are ready, or they don’t. Some are comfortable, like me, and never feel the need to change. Others are more fluid.”
“You’re all built the same?” He nods thoughtfully, staring off into the corner of the room absentmindedly, like he does when he’s pulling memories from deep in his mind. “So, um, you could bear children?”
He hesitates, his eyes finally drifting to mine with an uncertainty I haven’t seen in them for a while. “Before? Yes. After what they did to me?” He lifts one shoulder in a shrug, and another fissure forms in my heart as I wrap an arm around him and tuck him into my neck.
“Is that something you want?”
His fingers trace over my pecs, creating swirls in my chest hair before smoothing them out. “In this world? No… things are too hard. Too dangerous. My mind is too broken. Children are innocent. They do not ask for our scars.”
“In another life?” My voice is thick as I’m reminded yet again of everything that’s been taken from him.
He’s quiet for a long moment. “We are not in another life, katsurrel. We are in this one. It does no good to pretend otherwise.”
“I’m sorry you’ve lost so much,” I whisper, and I can’t stop the catch in my throat. Nyx takes a deep inhale, and I don’t interrupt his silence. His hand absentmindedly moves down to my stomach, raking through the hair under my navel, but it isn’t sexual. After a lifetime of being touch starved, he’s gorging himself on it, and I’ll happily let him use me to soothe himself.
“When Ronan and Cameron found me, they kept telling me it would be okay. That it would get better. But I never believed them. I was… angry. Confused. I didn’t understand why I was alive. Didn’t want to be, some days.” I hug him tighter, and he hugs me back, pressing a kiss to my shoulder right as I press one to the top of his head. “The first time I saw you, I knew you were important. My body was weak, and my mind had been broken. Twisted and changed until it was barely mine anymore. But my heart knew you. It recognized you, even then. It made me want to try.”
“I’m so thankful you tried,” I whisper into his hair. “So thankful you were brave enough to fight.”
“I want to keep being brave,” he says, and I pull back as his gaze climbs to mine. “The places they took me, the rifts… I want to go. Want to see if I can help.”
“We have time—” I start to argue, but the pleading in his eyes brings my words to a halt.
“Ineedthis.”
My chest fills with a heavy inhale, shaking as I push it out. “Why?” A thousand thoughts rush through mymind. How disappointed he will be if he fails. How much it might take out of him. And then, there’s the flip side of the coin…
What if he succeeds?
What if the path opens up, and he has a chance to go home, where he belongs?
“I belong with you,” he says quietly, and I realize I’ve said the last part out loud. He flips my hand and traces the glowing mark. “You are the only home I have ever had. You are my safety. The only place I am whole.”
