Page 18 of Nyx
“Yes,” I whisper, my heart still floundering under my ribs in its confusing mad dash. It beats faster as he pushes the flower in my direction, and I handle it as though it’s precious. Significant.
Carefully, I hold it up to inspect the tiny centers of the seeds as they cling to its core. “How do I…” I trail off as I meet his eyes, and I’m torn wide open as this warmth floods my whole body. It fills me with such lightness I’m afraid I might float away without an anchor to ground me here.
And I don’tunderstand.
“Just think of something you want,” he says, almost in a whisper as he pats his chest over his heart. I wonder if his beats like mine… if he’s scared, too. “Don’t say it out loud. Picture it here. And then just… blow. Scatter the seeds into the wind.”
My attention returns to the dandelion, completely consumed by my need for more of this warmth. It’s not this easy,neverthis easy, but for a moment, I pretend it could be. Silently, I beg for more of this lightness. Plead to those silent heavens and the fates who have forsaken me, and ask for more of these moments where there is no pain.
For times I can forget I was ever broken.
I wish I were whole again.
Breath fills my lungs, and I push it out, watching the white fluff scatter into the air to be carried away by the wind. Light trickles through their tiny wisps as I watch them, fascinated.
“I hope you get your wish,” Reyes says, shifting his box between his hands and stealing my attention with it. Another whiff of that delicious sweetness comes from inside, and my nostrils flare as his body language becomes nervous. “Um, Ronan has been teaching me a few things…”
“To fight, yes?”
“Well, yes, that, but I, uh…” His hand pushes through his thick curls and leaves one standing almost straight, suspended for a long moment before it flops back into place. A heavy breath blows from his lips, and another loose curl flutters. “He’s teaching me to cook? And… bake?” He releases a groaning laugh and shakes his head. “That came out as a question, and it wasn’t a question. Why do I keep doing that? Fuck, I’m ruining this.”
“Reyes,” I say softly, and his eyes focus on mine as he swallows and nods.
“Meals around here usually have meat in them, and I noticed you don’t like to eat it. I asked Ronan to help me come up with recipes that you’ll enjoy… food that will give you the nutrients you need.”
Another rush of heat hits my cheeks as I hug my hands over my thin chest, and Reyes’s eyes widen. “Please don’t take that the wrong way, Nyx. I think you’re… absolutely perfect exactly as you are, and I don’t want to change anything about you. You just… you need to eat more, and I want you to be healthy and…” A frustrated whine leaves him as he tilts his face towards the sun. “I’m sorry. I’m fucking this up.”
My ears ring as I cling to myself harder, my fingers trembling as I force myself to ask, “You think I am… perfect?”
“Gods, yes,” he breathes, cautiously looking at me again, though his cheeks are deeply flushed. “These are… I made these for you.” He offers the box and grins when I pull it to my nose to take a deep whiff. “Go on, open it.”
Six domes sit inside when I lift the lid, and the sweetness hits me full force. My stomach rumbles as I inspect them. “Bread?”
“Muffins,” he corrects, biting at his lip. “They are high in protein, and considering we used beans and peanut butter together, they’re actually delicious. Nomeat. They’ve got berries, nuts, and honey, and should be easy on your stomach. I’m experimenting with more recipes, and they might not all turn out as good as these, but…”
He stops himself, forcing his lips to clamp shut as he takes a steadying inhale. “But?” I finally hedge, and he blows out a drawn-out breath as he rests his hands on his hips.
“Someone needs to look out for you.”
It’s such a simple statement, but it hits me in the chest, ripping that strange wound inside me wide open. “No one…” My throat constricts, and my words shatter, unable to escape my mouth in one piece. “No one has taken care of me in a very long time.”
“I’d like to try,” he whispers.
“Why?” I demand, swinging my damp eyes to meet his.
He stares at me for a few breaths, his chest rising and falling as his eyes flicker across my face. “Because you deserve it,” he finally says, his voice pained, and a quiet sob escapes me before I can catch it. He reaches for me like he wants to comfort me, but he hesitates before letting his hand fall to his side.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Nyx,” he whispers, sweet and oh, so gentle. So much softer than he speaks with anyone else. That lightness inside me buzzes as I tell myself not to get carried away in its glow. Not to dream orwishfor things I don’t understand, even with the dandelion seeds to protect them.
A simple kindness means nothing more, and hope is a dangerous tool to a broken soul.
But I can still bask in its warmth.
“Not hurt,” I manage to say, and a sheen takes over his eyes as he nods towards the box in my hands.
“Try these and tell me how they taste. We will experiment with different recipes to see what you like best, and find something you love.” He turns to walk away, and I can’t stand the thought of being alone. Not right now. Not when all these thoughts are a whirlwind inside my mind.
I reach for him, snagging the edge of his shirt and holding on. He freezes, just as surprised as me at the contact, and holds perfectly still as I breathe, “Wait.”
