Page 36 of Tempting Cargo
Since when did we serve ship-wide meals? Since yesterday, apparently.
When he walked in, his smile for me wasn’t as big as usual, but it was there. Something fluttered in my chest, and I let him see the answering upturn of my lips before I averted my face.
His companions looked at me askance, one small female throwing daggers with her eyes. I avoided them. I avoided him, even though his presence somehow filled the whole room.
How dare he? This wasmyship,mygalley,myspace.
He apprehended me as I left for the bridge, sliding his body past mine and blocking the doorway. “Wait, Shohari. Are you okay?”
Garrison’s dark eyes were soft, full of concern, though there was a tightness round them I knew I’d put there.
“I—”
The lump in his throat bobbed. “I’m not going to pretend I’m not hurt or confused about what happened. But you looked upset. You still do. So I’m asking.”
Why did he have to be so easy to talk to? Or want to talk to, at least, because I couldn’t find an answer for him. If I started explaining, I might not be able to stop—a familiar feeling around him, it seemed.
“Did I do something wrong?” His words were gentle. Respectful.
“No.” Gratitude rushed in at the opportunity for a simple answer. “No, not at all, it wasn’t you.”
I bit my tongue before I told him how he’d done everything right, and it was me who’d blown everything, and how I was a mess, and too complicated.“I’m sorry. I have a lot on my mind.” I wanted to put up my gruff captain wall, but he was already beyond it, and I didn’t have the strength to push him out.
“I deeply regret not being able to take advantage of your offer.” I used the formality I used to wear like a second skin as a makeshift shield.
Instead of backing off, he cocked his head to one side, expression alert with recognition and curiosity.“You spoke like that to your mother.”As soon as the words fell from his lips, he tensed. “Sorry. I couldn’t help but overhear some of it. I walked away as soon as I could.”
His arm twitched, hand inching towards me before he formed a fist and let it drop back to his side. “Is that what’s bothering you?”
The wrinkle in his brow as he frowned… I clenched my own fist to stop myself from smoothing it over with my fingertips.
“Sometimes an outside perspective can help. You know, if you want to talk to a stranger who’ll be gone in a few days, I’m here.” He spoke stiffly, as though he didn’t want to accept the reality of his words by voicing them.
I wanted to press them back into his mouth so I didn’t have to hear them, didn’t have to hear the unspoken ‘for now.’
“My family are… difficult. They have expectations of me.” The vulnerability of saying it aloud was more terrifying than I thought it would be, nausea rushing in, and my wall rushed up like a bulkhead cutter.“There. That’s my problem. Now, make me a chrya or leave me alone. I’m busy.”
Silence hung between us for a handful of heartbeats before I strode away.
After he’d delivered a hot mug to the bridge and left without any expectations, I reviewed the security feed from the cargo bay. I knew I shouldn’t eavesdrop, but agitation thrummed and twisted through my bones, needing to know if he’d said anything, what he’d said, to know how he was.
“She forced herself off me and ran away.”
“She looked distressed. I’m worried about her.”
“I’m worried about you, Garrison… I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
I turned the recording off, feeling vaguely dirty. He should listen to his friends. This thing between us could only ever be physical; if he truly wore his feelings so close to his skin, he could well get hurt, and I didn’t want that, either.
Another reason I shouldn’t touch him again. I didn’t know if I’d be able to stop myself a second time.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Gods and toasters
Garrison
THE NEXT dayI did my exercises on my own. The cold, echoey emptiness of the cargo bay was especially noticeable now I knew there was a training room. I was half tempted to use it anyway, to make myself at home.
