Page 67 of A Dead Girl's Guide to Living
My heart ached with something I couldn’t quite name as I watched her go, because I knew, in some way, Ellis had just seen herself reflected in that little girl. And now she was spiraling, unsure how to carry the weight of it.
When Ellis pulled the silent car into the parking lot for Chain of Rocks Bridge, it felt like we were all holding some kind of collective breath.
I glanced into the back seat—only to find it suddenly empty—and frowned, turning to Ellis.
“Liv’s gone,” I told her.
Ellis said nothing. She just stared ahead, her knuckles white from the death grip she had on the steering wheel and gearstick, her face pale.
“Hey,” I said softly. “Ellis, you okay?”
“She grabbed my hand,” she whispered, the words so quiet I almost missed them.
I nodded, offering a grim smile. “Yeah. She did.”
“She was smiling,” she said again, turning her head to look at me with tear-filled eyes, making those vibrant green irises look molten. “She’s dying, and she was smiling.”
I bit my lip and glanced down at her grip on the gearstick. There wasn’t anything I could say to make what she was feeling better. Sometimes people didn’t need words, didn’t need consoling monologues. Ellis didn’t seem like the type to want them anyway, and I wasn’t the type to give them.
Sometimes people just needed someone to share the silence with, to feel the weight of their pain without trying to soften the inevitable blow.
So instead, I reached over slowly and gently pried her hand from the gearstick, curling it into mine and giving it a soft squeeze.
We sat like that for a long minute, the car silent until, finally, a rush of air left Ellis, like she’d been holding her breath since the custard shop. And as if I’d been holding mine too, I felt my body begin to deflate beside her.
“Come on,” I told her quietly. “Let’s go see this bridge.”
The Mississippi spreadout beneath us, wide and roiling, as we walked across the bridge. The air felt cool and damp against my skin, and I admired the rusting steel beams, graffiti tagging some sections in a way that almost added to the charm. Every now and then, there was a plaque offering small bits of history.
Ellis walked beside me, looking deep in thought as she stared straight ahead. Her red hair was coming loose from its braid, a few strands curling at the edges.
“So,” I began lightly, “I didn’t know I was on a road trip with a celebrity.”
Her lips curved into a smile before she could stop herself. “Please.”
“Well, you held it together well,” I said with a shrug. “I was struggling. I won’t lie.”
“I had to get good at turning off the part of me that wants to fall apart,” Ellis muttered, and the words hit me hard in the stomach. “It’s just not fair. She’s just a kid. She hasn’t even lived yet, and she’s dying. I can bet her entire life has been hospital wards and needles. How does she get a death sentence, and I get three chances?”
Three chances? I thought. Jeez.
“Well,” I said slowly, as Ellis looked out over the water, her brow furrowed, “life is really shit, in all truth. Like, it’s not fair in any way. But trying to make sense of it will just drive you crazy. I mean, the universe doesn’t run on fairness. It’s brutal and chaotic—sometimes beautiful—but honestly? It’s just a rigged lottery. But some things... you get to choose what you do with them.”
Ellis looked down at her hands and sighed. “You know, the more I see of Liv, the more undeserving of her heart I feel. I mean, look at her, even in death, she has a zest for life. I mean, ignoring today, I have no idea what burst her bubble, but how... how did someone so vibrant and full of life end up dead and strapped to someone like me?”
I pursed my lips. “Well, I mean, I’ve been holding off askinghowshe died because I thought it was rude. Is it rude? I don’t know ghost etiquette.”
“Aren’t you a medium?” Ellis asked with a frown. “Isn’t this, like, your area of expertise?”
“Pft, no,” I scoffed. “Margaret was the medium. I mean, I can do the cards, birth charts, and crystals... but I’ve never hadthatparticular gift.”
“Until now,” Ellis pointed out, giving me a side-eye. “You’re on a road trip with a literal ghost.”
I snickered, and we kept walking, the river glittering beneath us in the sunlight. I noticed the bridge began to curve slightly, an odd bend halfway through that looked like someone had tried to straighten it, gotten distracted, and given up.
“Is it meant to do that?” I asked, pointing.
“Yeah,” Ellis said with a nod. “It actually started as a barge safety feature, like, back when they thought this was a good place for traffic. But then it just... wasn’t. So now it’s here.”
