Page 70 of A Dead Girl's Guide to Living
“Why had he jumped? Why had he left us? Were we not good enough?”
The air felt trapped in my lungs.
“I thought maybe I would feel something up there,” she added softly. “Maybe he would be nearby. Or I’d finally get it. That I would know what he thought. If there could be any part of it that made sense.”
Ellis had stopped walking, and so did we.
She turned to face us.
“Did it?” I asked gently, taking her ghostly hand… feeling her, but not. “Did it make sense?”
“No,” Liv said with a humorless laugh. “It’s just a lot of wind.”
“I’m sorry,” Ellis said, her voice cracked and raw.
“Don’t be,” Liv replied with a shrug. “It was a long time ago. I just… I thought I’d see him here, whereverhereis. But nothing. Where did he go, do you think?”
“I mean, I don’t believe in the whole heaven and hell thing,” I said quickly. “So if you want my version of events, it’ll take, like, a twelve-slide PowerPoint.”
“Thank God it’s a four-hour drive to Springfield, Missouri,” Liv muttered with a smirk. She let out a breath and squared her shoulders. “Okay. Let’s go. This place is tired and we need a vibe shift.”
I took half a step before I cursed, remembering the lump in my pocket.
“Wait,” I told them both as I dug out the small portion of Margaret, sitting in the smaller sandwich bag.
Ellis’s eyes narrowed, and Liv cracked a smile.
“I was going to scatter Margaret here, though. This will probably be the nicest stop in Missouri to do it.”
It was nice here, with the sound of the leaves blowing in the breeze and the water flowing beneath us. Margaret would have liked it.
Ellis’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment before she sighed and began to look around, as if scanning for witnesses—or a park ranger, or who knew what else.
“Hold up,” Ellis said as she licked her finger like a meteorologist, then repositioned herself a full length upwind, arms folded.
I rolled my eyes.
“Roll your eyes all you want,” Ellis said in her haughty tone, “but when you get a taste of the afterlife twice, you’d be double-checking as well.”
Liv sniggered before clearing her throat and nodding at me. “This is a good spot for it, Dove.”
I licked my dry lips and nodded, approaching the side of the bridge so I could scatter Margaret over the river. I took a calming breath as the plastic crinkled loudly when I unzipped it, my hand poised to pour as I eyed the gray dust.
Just for a breath, I held a piece of her, ignoring the sound of a barge groaning somewhere upriver. I closed my eyes.
“I miss you. Enjoy Missouri.”
I tipped the bag, and a soft plume of life unfurled and then lifted, loosening into glitter that caught in the sun cracking through the trees before it fell below, toward the brown, relentless current.
I sighed and plastered on a smile, looking to Liv and Ellis, who watched me, waiting, having the decency to look somewhat somber.
“So,” I started as I tucked the empty bag into my pocket, “lunch?”
“Oi!”
Ellis’s eyes widened, and I turned on my heel, noting a man farther up the bridge who looked very much like a park ranger in his fancy uniform and hat, running toward us with a determined expression.
“Shit!” I gasped, gripping Ellis’s hand and bolting. “Run!”
