Page 137 of A Dead Girl's Guide to Living
I had never felt more euphoric.
We weresilent as we traipsed back down the pathway to the lookout point where we’d all screamed earlier. Liv was still nowhere in sight, as if determined to give us as much privacy as possible—like it was her final wish that Ellis and I have time together, come together the way she had always seemed to be planning.
Ellis’s hand found mine the moment we stepped outside, her fingers curling into mine, and I nearly forgot how to breathe as I let my own wrap around hers.
She moved with a steady ease, a quiet confidence that I wondered had been slowly building in her over time.
The air outside was cooler now, night beginning to settle in. The steady chatter of tourists had faded with the setting sun, and now it was just the two of us as we approached the samerailing, surrounded by mountains and a whispering wind that had picked up since we’d gone inside for dinner.
Ellis released my hand as we neared the railing, and I dug into my jacket pocket, tugging out the small sandwich bag of ashes I’d stowed back at the motel. A careful scoop of Margaret—ready to be scattered 10,300 feet above sea level—to let this piece of her join our journey, just as she had in every state we’d stopped in.
Ellis said nothing, but she stood close. I could feel her body heat, and the sound of her breath behind me grounded me.
“She loved the sky,” I murmured, gazing at the bag in my hand. “She said she felt closer to something bigger. Something more.”
Ellis tilted her head back and looked up at the stars. It felt like they were watching us—twinkling with something unknown as we stood beneath them.
“Then this is the perfect spot,” Ellis said softly.
I nodded once and swallowed, unsealing the bag slowly. It had been easy, I mused, scattering her along the journey, but as we got closer to the final destination, closer to saying a final goodbye, it felt as if it were becoming harder.
As if I were truly letting her go forever.
But she was already gone. I knew that. And I was fulfilling a final wish she hadn’t gotten to experience. Part of me wondered if she had orchestrated this whole thing—Liv and Ellis, Route 66. Had she shaped the afterlife to suit herself, to get her way one last time?
I smiled, despite the growing sadness in my chest. As a breeze swept in behind us, I tossed the ashes into it. They floated—scattered like dancing flecks of light—and were carried across the valley, far, far away from us.
Something further loosened in my chest this time, and it didn’t feel like loss.
It felt like freedom.
I cleared my throat and pocketed the sandwich bag again, making sure it was empty. We both stood there in silence, hands on the railing, watching the traces of Margaret vanish into the dark.
The lights of Albuquerque glimmered in the distance, and Sandia Peak stretched below us like a dream I’d never be able to capture artistically. True beauty had to be experienced in real time.
Ellis stood quietly beside me, the side profile of her face lit by the silver glow of the moon—almost full, but not quite. I bit back a smirk at the memory of the first scattering, when some of the ashes had blown back and hit her square in the face.
The horror she’d felt.
But she always stayed. Solid and unsure, but still there.
She was so breathtakingly beautiful it made my breath catch and my head spin.
She glanced over at me in that moment, catching me staring. I blinked once—hard—and without allowing myself to overthink it, I moved.
My arm slid around her back, gently tugging her toward me, shifting her from beside me to in front of me, her back now pressed against the cool metal railing.
Ellis’s eyes widened only a fraction, her hands settling just below my shoulders as she steadied her feet.
It felt as if my whole body burned for her. It had felt like that for a while now. My fingers found her hair, sweeping it from her face, and I cupped her cheek, relishing the soft, almost inaudible gasp she gave. It was as if I felt it more than heard it.
And then I kissed her.
God, did I kiss her.
It was slow and unrushed, my lips brushing hers like a vow I hadn’t yet spoken aloud. I poured every ache and fear intoit, every electric thrum pulsing through my veins, my breath shaking, my hand trembling slightly where it held her face.
She kissed me back with a gentle urgency, the same tentative need I’d felt from her in the tent last night. Her hands found my waist, her body pressed firmly to mine as she arched into me, and I shuffled closer, until her back met the railing and her palms rested on either side of my neck.
