Page 122 of My Brother's Enemy
I hit the blinker and pulled into the nearest parking lot. As soon as I knew I wasn’t going to crash the truck, I put it in park and turned her way.
“When you were a kid too? A teenager?”
Rain faced forward. Her eyes weren’t on me. I didn’t like that. I wanted to see her.
“No,” she said after a moment. “I still had hope back then. I don’t know how or where it came from, but I wasn’t done yet.”
Jesus. A vacant expression came over her. Her words sounded empty. “I’d bought a gun the day Mal Benoit called me. I decided I wasdone, so I went and bought a gun and brought it back to my apartment. Then I just stared at it.”
She laughed, though she still wasn’t looking at me. “I freaked out. The phone rang, and I came here and took this job and…” She stopped talking. She just looked like a statue. “You—when I met Mal for dinner and realized the team he wanted me to help was a hockey team, I had so many feelings rushing through me, but I wanted it.”
She finally turned my way, that beautiful, haunted face finally looked at me. I saw the spark in her eyes. I saw the hunger.
“I wanted it so badly because I’d forgotten how much I loved hockey,” she said. “I’d loved it too, and they took it away from me.” Tears filled her eyes. “My brothers became these fucking NHL superstars, and I had to hide because I didn’t want anyone to know I was their sister. Fuck them.Fuckthem. Mal offered me a chance to come back into this world, and I took it, and I don’t regret it. Not onefuckingbit.”
Her eyes pled with me, as if asking for permission.
I reached for her hand. “You can feel however you want. They’ve taken enough from you.”
She squeezed my hand. “Daniel found out I’m here. I don’t know how, but that TikTok was him trying to scare me away.”
“I know.”
Her knuckles were white. “They conditioned me to believe I didn’t matter. I don’t know if they did it on purpose. I doubt it. It was just something they did. My dad didn’t want me, and my brothers followed suit.” She looked at me a moment. “You’re my brother’s enemy, but so am I. Daniel did that.Hemade me his enemy, and I never knew why. What was so wrong with me? Daniel saw me, hated me, and emotionally abused me. Dane just never saw me.”
She glanced my way. “I went into psychology to try to fix myself, but I couldn’t. I just thought—I thought I wasn’t worth anyone loving me.” She closed her eyes, and her head hungdown. “I’ve carried that with me all this time—that I don’t matter, that something’s wrong with me, that no one will love me. I gave up. I accepted that I’d be alone for the rest of my life, but I wasso lonely.” She shook her head. “I was lonely, and I was so tired of being alone, and there was no reason to keep going. There was no hope anymore. So I bought a gun.”
She turned away.
I didn’t have one fucking clue what to say or how to respond. Jesus Christ.What should I do? “Rai?—”
“But there’s a name for how I grew up. A name.” She looked at me, her eyes shining and alive. “That means there are others like me. They’ve been researched and identified. There are enough of us to make an identifiable list of our qualities, our characteristics. I’d accepted that I was alone.” Her voice rose, but it shook. “I thought I was the problem, and Mal gave me a name, a name I should’ve known, but I didn’t!”
“But you know now.”
She was breathing hard now and she nodded. “I was going to kill myself. I bought that gun. Sure, I freaked out, but I know what I would’ve done. Eventually I would’ve pulled the trigger. But Mal called. That call, coming here, coming back to hockey, meeting you—you saved my life. That call brought me to you. Brought me to another brother and maybe… It wouldn’t have been enough just to have hockey again. I needed you.”
“Baby,” I said, brokenly. “I have no idea what to say or do. I’ve got no clue how to be here for you.”
She shook her head, holding on to my hand. “You don’t have to say anything. I’m not Zoey. My stuff is different. I was resigned to dying. I just didn’t see why I should keep going, but Zoey’s different. I think hers was an impulsive decision? I don’t know. That’s for Zoey and Skylar and whoever she ends up seeing as a professional to unpack. They’ll dive into that and helpher. She will get help. Saying it is always the first step. And it’s terrifying.” She gazed at me. “It’s really terrifying.”
“You’re scared now?” I reached for her, my hand sliding along her jaw, cupping her face.
She blinked and nodded. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “I feel like a fraud.”
“What? Why?”
“Because maybe I shouldn’t be doing what I do considering?—”
“Fuck that,” I growled. “In one sitting, my niece told you she’d tried to kill herself. In one fucking sitting, you got her to open up. You’ve helped me. What you said to me about the team, they meant everything. And you know as well as I do what you’ve done with the team—what you’ve done with countless teams. Stop that line of thinking. No one is perfect, Rain. Not one person. And it’s harder for women sometimes. I get that. I see it, but you and Skylar are the two strongest people I have ever met. Whatever you’re thinking about, whatever spiral you want to fall into, just stop it.” I leaned over, resting my forehead to hers and holding her face in my hands. “I need you here. I want you whole, and I’ll be with you every step of the way, to help in any way you need it. You hear me? I got you. The team has you. My sister will never let you go now. You’re not going anywhere, and all you need to do from now is do your job and take care of yourself. That’s it. The rest of us will have your back, okay?” I lifted my head but held her gaze.
Her eyes searched mine, and after a moment, they changed. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
She shrugged sheepishly. “You were here for me.” She smiled and reached for me. “For me, you being here, listening to me, letting me talk, seeing me, hearing me, that’s all I need. That’s all I needed. You see me.”
“I will always see you. I love you.”
