Page 47 of My Brother's Enemy
My throat hurt. A knot had settled there. “I have to…” I shook my head, trying to clear the pain away so I could speak. I needed to pull away, dissociate. I needed to numb myself enough to think clearly. “Weshouldn’tkeep doing this. We both know that, even though wekeepdoing it. It’s like we can’t stop. I can’t stop.”
My throat swelled up.
He was so still. “It’s reciprocated, you know. We’ve not had a conversation, but I’m coming over here for a reason. It’s not just for sex.”
“I know, but…” My voice was failing me. I pushed through it. “But if you want tokeepdoing this, I have to tell you something. It’s not right if I don’t.”
“I don’t care.”
“Tyler,” I tried again, my voice hitching.
“I don’t. I just—” He stepped toward me again but stopped when I jumped.
I bit my lip. I had reacted that way because of how fast he’d moved, not because it was him. Everything in me wanted to just shut up, to let him touch me, kiss me, and deal with the consequences tomorrow. But I couldn’t. It felt like violating his trust.
He cursed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I didn’t come here with the intention of making you scared of me.Fuck. I’m making a mess of all of this.”
He closed his eyes and sank into one of the chairs.
Tentatively, I went to the couch and sat across from him.
“Okay. I’m good. I’ll restrain myself.” He grinned crookedly. “I’ll be a good boy, just this one time.” He motioned to me. “Go ahead. I’m all ears, but I came here for another reason. Besides sex and movies. And cuddling.”
He was?
He caught my look and amended, “Or not totally for sex. Sunny asked about Zoey a while ago. I didn’t get into it with him,but I realized I do want to talk about her. That’s big for me. I usually don’t want to say shit to anyone. I’m learning that maybe Icanopen up. I mean, I did with you before and that was great. Then I felt connected to the team tonight and that was really great. That all just made me want to open up more, share more. Ski’s mad at me because I told her Zoey should go to a mental health clinic. That’s up your alley, right? All the psychology and shit.”
Psychology and shit.
He looked so proud, beaming about this new thing for him, which was normal for most people. It was normal to talk about what was going on in your life. My heart pinched because it was something I deprived myself of.
He was handing me all the excuses not to come clean.
A lesser person would jump on that because it was a good thing that he wanted to talk to someone. But I was about to shove all that progress away.
I cleared my throat, my voice growing hoarse, but I started. I had to, otherwise I didn’t think I’d ever be able to tell him. “You need to know things about me. Especially if you want to keep opening up to me. I can’t let you do that until you know everything.” My knees were trembling. So was my voice. “My first name is not Rain. It’s Dylan. My dad really wanted another boy, so he was set on my name even before I was born.”
Here we go.
“My name is Dylan Rain Connors.”
His eyes darkened, narrowing. “What?”
“I use my middle name because it’s from my mom. I like to think she loved me. Maybe I should’ve changed my last name, but I went to school as a Connors. I got my degree as a Connors. I was already known in my field as Rain Connors before I could make any sort of switch. I stayed with it.”
“What are you talking about?”
The pain tripled, growing stronger. I tried to numb it all away. “My last name was never an issue when I worked with the NFL. I went that direction to get away from hockey, but I’d forgotten how much I used to love this sport. It’s been bittersweet coming back, but my name…” I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, so I focused on the floor. “I can’t be involved with you unless you know who I am and are okay with it.” I readied myself. He wasn’t going to be okay with it. I had to tell him anyway. “I was supposed to be their third boy. Dylan Connors. Daniel, Dane, and Dylan. Daniel and Dane Connors are my brothers.”
I waited a beat, expectingsomething. An exclamation. A threat. A reprimand for not coming clean before.
Nothing came until I heard a soft click.
I looked up and felt as if a knife was just shoved into my gut.
The room was empty.
He was gone.
