Page 119 of My Brother's Enemy
She gazed back at me with such sorrow, the words coming out in a whisper, “I can’t. I—I just can’t, because if I do, if I tell you the name, and you look it up, it’s a road map to my entire childhood. But it makes me feel less crazy. It makes me feel that a part of me was normal, and maybe if I’d grown up in a household like that, I might not have…” She trailed off, looking toward Coach’s house.
“You might not have what?”
She shook her head, looking my way again. “Tonight? I’ll tell you everything tonight.”
I laced our fingers together. “Okay. Tonight.”
As I put the truck in drive and eased away from the curb, she whispered, “Please don’t leave me after you find out how messed up I am inside.”
I squeezed her hand so tightly, only loosening my hold when I worried I might break her fingers. “I’ll never fucking leave you because of something that was done to you.”
“Promise.”
“You’re only sunshine, cupcakes, and lilacs to me. Only good in you. That’s the easiest promise I’ve ever made in my life.”
I was really,reallylooking forward to the game tomorrow against her brother.
69
RAIN
“How was the dinner at Coach’s house?” I overheard Sky ask Tyler in the kitchen.
They were washing dishes while Zoey and I were in the living room. There was a movie playing on the television, but I wasn’t paying attention.
“My mom said you were a counselor?” Zoey asked, her eyes wide as she curled up in the corner of the couch. She had a pillow and blanket pulled over her lap, and she looked almost as if she were trying to hide. Her brown hair was piled in a messy bun on top of her head, and she wore Tyler’s jersey. She and her mother were matching, actually. Sky said they’d changed as soon as their first batch of company left. When we got here, they’d thrown their hands in the air yelling, “Ta da! We’re thankful for you.”
I’d never seen Tyler smile so wide. It took my breath away. After that, we’d sat down for a drink and snacks, though no one was hungry. All of us were stuffed from our earlier meals.
I sat up a little straighter to answer Zoey. She was asking for a reason. I shook my head. “I didn’t go to school specifically for that.” I smiled. “My specialty is sports psychology and team dynamics.”
She tucked her blanket under her chin. “My therapist said going to therapy doesn’t mean something is wrong with me. It just means I’m brave enough to try to separate the ouchies on my inside from the ouchies on the outside.” She made a face. The blanket slipped down to her lap. “I think she mostly talks to little kids, but she’s the one my mom feels comfortable with me talking to.” She furrowed her brow. “But there are different specialties?”
The professional in me took over, and it became clear in my mind. I was here for one reason right now, and that was Zoey. “Yes,” I told her. “There are lots of different specialties. Family therapists, sex therapists…”
She giggled.
My lips curved up. “There are counselors for eating disorders, addiction, alcoholism. All kinds of things. And there are psychiatrists, psychologists, mental health workers, social workers, and occupational therapists. But their main goal is always to help. Are you enjoying talking to your therapist?”
I did not miss the way she looked toward the kitchen. Tyler and Sky had quieted, but the water continued running. They were still washing dishes.
Zoey picked at her blanket. “It’s okay.”
Right. Okay. I felt like she really wanted to say something.
Zoey was not a player or an athlete. She was Tyler’s niece. I needed to adjust my approach and bring myself more to the forefront. “Listen, it’s not my place to speak on your mom’s behalf, but I can tell you that she’s an adult. She probably has a whole plan for how to help you, but the bottom line is that she just wants to help. That’s it. If you don’t like your counselor, there are other counselors. Other therapists. But the biggest thing is you. Your mom’s not a mind-reader, though it would be awesome and terrifying if she were.” Zoey’s lip twitched, and Imirrored her grin. “I think you just gotta tell her what’s going on with you.”
She nodded, going back to picking at her blanket. “Yeah. I know.”
God. I didn’t know this girl. We had no relationship to lean on. I didn’t know the right words to say, but I sensed so much pain. I had to wonder for a second if it was mine. Or if it was hers and somehow, I was feeling it? There’d been times when that sort of thing occurred with me.
“I was at the hospital,” I told her.
She looked up at my words. She went so still.
“I was really nervous.”
“Youwere?” She tilted her head.
