Page 135 of Rare Blend
He chuckles, and it cracks some of the tension in my chest. “Baby, I can only do that in bed.”
The new year comes and goes, but it’s hard to feel like celebrating when every day that passes brings me closer to leaving. We spent New Year’s Eve in bed, memorizing each other’s bodies, even though neither one of us would admit it. Ethan’s always been affectionate with me, but lately he’s even more so. Almost as if he thinks I’m going to disappear on him if his hands aren’t on me. It’s getting to feel suffocating, if I’m being honest.
I’ve already made arrangements with Zoe to stay in her apartment. Apparently, she has a boyfriend now—who she met on a dating app—and spends most of her time at his place. She told me I was welcome to crash there for a couple of weeks before I find my own place. It’s like I’m back right where I started, still trying to figure things out while staying in someone’s guest room.
It’s Friday, my second to last day in Red Mountain, and I’m a wreck. I’ve been snappy all day, forcing Ethan to give me space, even when the last thing I want is space.
“You okay?” Ethan asks as I’m cutting up some lettuce for a salad.
“Yeah,” I say cheerily, faking it. “Why?”
His eyes look down at the lettuce on my cutting board then back up to my face. “It’s just that you’ve murdered that lettuce. It’s practically mush.”
I look down, and he’s right.Fuck.I set down the knife and walk out of the kitchen. I’m not hungry, anyway.
“What are you in the mood for? I can make you something else.”
“Will you stop!” I yell.
Ethan halts, watching me like I’m losing it. Maybe I am losing it. “Stop what?” he asks, quietly.
“Stop being so nice. Stop being helpful. Break up with me already. You know you’re going to. Maybe not at first, but you’ll work late or I’ll work late and then we won’t get to talk and then we’ll start fighting and resent each other. I’ll go out with coworkers, and you’ll wonder if I’m cheating on you. I’ll hear about some pretty blonde in town for a wine tasting flirting with you, and then I’ll think you’re cheating on me. We’ll have a big blowup fight, and it’ll be over. Might as well do it now and save us the pain from dragging it out.”
My chest heaves from the word vomit. Ethan is frozen, his eyes wide, and then before I know it, he’s wrapping his arms around me. He rocks us gently back and forth, rubbing my back soothingly.
“Where is this coming from?” He says it soft and gentle, like he’s worried I might break. He’s been incredibly patient, and I don’t deserve it—I don’t deserve him. “Why are you freaking out? It’s only a four-hour drive, and I’m already set to visit you two weeks after you get there.”
“I’m scared,” I choke out. “What if you forget about me?”
“I’m not going to forget about you. Stop freaking out. I’m this close to slipping you a beta blocker,” he jokes.
I burry my face against his chest, inhaling him deeply. “Promise me.”
“What’s that?” he says, still soothing my back.
“Promise me it’s going to work.”
He pulls away and cups my face, staring straight into my eyes. “I promise.”
CHAPTER 49
Ethan
PEOPLE ARE LIKE GRAPES
“So, you let her go, huh?” Gavin asks while he looks down at me from the metal staircase that reaches the top of one of the tanks.
“How did you know I was in here?” I snuck off to the lab because I was tired of Tawny looking at me with her depressing stare, asking if I had spoken to Marisa. She’s been gone a week, and it’s been the worst week of my life. Worse than catching Laura cheating, worse than breaking off the engagement, worse than Travis’s betrayal, worse than saying goodbye to Marisa the morning she left. Everything feels fucking terrible. If a doctor told me I was dying, I wouldn’t be surprised, because that’s what this feels like. Death.
“Your footsteps. You always walk like you can’t get somewhere fast enough. Like the pitter patter of an elf.”
“Pitter patter of an elf? I see Lily is still deep in the Christmas movies.”
He lets out a tired sigh. “All year round.”
Walking down the staircase, he rips off the hairnet covering his man bun. The man bun we all give him shit for, relentlessly.
“Why did you do it? Why’d you let her leave?”
