Page 157 of Bottle Shock
ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY
My dress is floor-length, fitted at the hips and waist before subtly flaring at my thighs. I stare at my reflection, remembering how just a year ago I was preparing to marry Gavin, not knowing what the future held. Not knowing we would end up here, celebrating our first anniversary with a real wedding.
We didn’t realize it at the time, but it was real then too. Now, we’re just doing it properly.
Elyse stands behind me, fastening my necklace. “Your boobs look amazing.” Her eyes meet mine in the mirror. “Like, annoyingly perky. And it physically pains me that my brother is going to be staring at them all night.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “Why do you think I picked this dress?”
She makes a face like she’s going to be sick. “Whatever. As long as I don’t need to hear about the details.”
She spins around to grab something, and my hand instinctivelydrifts to my stomach. Smoothing over the swell that isn’t there yet. I’m only ten weeks. We haven’t told anyone yet, keeping it our secret for just a little longer. We’re planning to tell Lily after the wedding. She’s mentioned wanting a sibling, so I hope it’s the good kind of surprise.
When Elyse turns back around, I drop my arms, pretending to fuss with the fabric.
“I’ll be right back,” she announces. “I’m going to check with the florist on your bouquet.”
A few moments after she leaves, there’s a knock, and then Lily bursts in, her freshly curled hair bouncing around her shoulders. “What do you think?” she asks me, doing a twirl to show me her dress. We went dress shopping a few weeks ago, just her and I, and she picked out the prettiest pink chiffon dress.
I bend down to meet her at eye-level. “I think you’re going to be the most beautiful flower girl that’s ever existed.”
She beams, then glances down, her fingers fidgeting with her skirt. “What’s wrong? Are you nervous about walking down the aisle?”
She shakes her head. “No. I was wondering if I could ask you something.”
Her voice is faint, soft as a whisper, and my heart seizes. I take a strand of hair that’s escaped from her bow and tuck it behind her ear. “You can ask me anything. Always.”
She looks up, her blue eyes meeting mine. “After you and Dad get married, you’ll be my stepmom, right?”
I nod, wondering where she’s going with this. We never told her about our first wedding, assuming she wouldn’t quite understand. “Yes, but nothing is changing. It’ll be just like how things are now, except I won’t be Dad’s girlfriend, I’ll be his wife.”
“What about me?”
“What do you mean?”
“If Dad is going to call you his wife, what do I call you?”
Oh. I see.
I wondered if we might have this conversation. I even brought it up to Shannon and Wayne, worried they might be offended if Lily one day wanted to call me Mom. Thankfully, they were very supportive of it, just like they have been for everything. They’re basically saints.
I rest both of my hands on her shoulders, to keep myself steady more so than her. “Lily, you can call me whatever you want. If you want to keep calling me Scottie, that’s great. But if you want to call me something else, like Mom…” My voice wavers. “I would love that.”
Her chin drops, gaze on the floor. “Even though you’re not my real mom?”
I think I might cry. Between the wedding and my pregnancy hormones I’m way too emotionally fragile this conversation. I take a deep breath and try to grab a handle on my emotions. “You know, a mom is so much more than who you’re born from. A mom is someone who loves you. Who takes care of. Who shows up.” My voice shakes, tears stinging behind my eyes. “And you know what? I love you so much and I’m always going to be here, to take care of you to be there when you need me. If you want to call me Mom, I would love that.”
Her lip trembles. “I…I think I would like to try it.”
“Okay.” I smile, gently holding her cheeks in my hands. “And that doesn’t mean we won’t still talk about your birth mom, okay? She’s part of you, and she always will be. You have a very big heart and lots of people can fit in there.”
She nods, and then her little arms wrap around my neck.
“I love you, Lily,” I tell her, holding her tight.
“I love you too,” she whispers into my shoulder, “…Mom.”
The word breaks me open. I laugh and cry at the sametime, holding her tight until Elyse’s voice calls from outside that it’s time.
