Page 17 of Loving Violet
“You know me well,” he replies with a grin.
I prepare his coffee and sandwich, and then handed them over with a smile. “Here you go. Enjoy.”
“Thanks. How’s your first week going? ” he asks, leaning over the counter as he takes his stuff.
“It’s been great. I’m starting to get the hang of things. Today, I’m working on the shop’s social media,” I tell him.
“That sounds exciting. I’ll have to follow you guys online,” he says, his eyes twinkling.
“We’d love that,” I reply, feeling a warm blush spread across my cheeks.
“You will see a lot of changes starting today. Josy is giving me creative authority to update all social media platforms,” I say, beaming with excitement. For many people, working on social media can be a nuisance, but for me, it’s exciting. I love all aspects of marketing and this is my first try dusting off my unused skill since Adrian was born.
“That’s fantastic, I know you will do a great job,” Austin says with a wink. Goodness, he has such clear green eyes.
“Thanks. I appreciate that. By the way, I hope you’re having a great day.”
“It’s much better now,” Austin says as he lifts his coffee in cheers. “Well, off I go. See you again tomorrow?”
I nod. “Yes! See you tomorrow.”
After he is gone, I start to think about his parting words. What did he mean by his day is much better now? He can’t be referring to me, right? A man like him would never set his eyes on a woman like me. I am not pretty; I am what people consider thick—also known as fat. I have cellulite on my thighs and stretch marks on my breast and lower stomach.
Or maybe he was referring to the coffee and food that I just served him. If my ex-husband didn’t want me because of all my flaws, why would a complete stranger?
These thoughts swirl in my head, causing a mix of emotions. I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, but it’s difficult not to compare. Maybe Austin is just being kind. Or maybe he really does find me interesting. I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I need to focus on my work and not get distracted by the what-ifs and my insecurities.
A few minutes later, Josy stands next to me and leans over. “Um, hello. Did you not notice that Austin was checking you out?”
I look at Josy, completely perplexed. “What? Of course not. Why would you say that?” I ask her. She is crazy if she thinks that Austin was checking me out.
“Girl, that man has been checking you out every day. I can’t believe that you haven’t noticed,” Josy says with disbelief.
“I haven’t noticed, because it’s not true,” I say. I really haven’t noticed at all. I’ve been too busy with my life. I haven’t had the time to think about a man. I only have time for my son and my work.
Josy rolls her eyes dramatically. “Violet, you need to start paying more attention. Austin isn’t just being friendly, he’s interested in you. Trust me, I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
I laugh nervously. “I think you’re imagining things, Josy. He’s just a nice guy.”
“Nice guys don’t stare at women like they’re the only ones in the room,” Josy counters. “I’ve seen that look before, and he definitely has it for you. Besides, he doesn’t look at me the same way as he is looking at you.”
I want to believe her, but it’s hard. After everything I’ve been through, it’s difficult to imagine a man like Austin being attracted to me. “Maybe he’s just being polite,” I say, trying to brush off her words.
Josy shakes her head. “You’re selling yourself short, Violet. You’re beautiful, kind, and hardworking. Any man would be lucky to have you.” Her words are like a balm to my soul. After so many years of feeling inferior and ugly. Having someone say those kind words to me makes me feel so much better. Even if those words are coming from my best friend.
“You really think so? Because I can’t take Taylor’s words out of my head.”
“I’m being completely honest, babe. You know what I think you should consider?”
“What?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“You should make an appointment with my therapist,” Josy says gently, her voice steady but laced with genuine concern. “She’s amazing, and she helped me process the loss of my grandparents. I bet you anything that if you go, you’re going to feel better.”
Her words hit me harder than I expect. I remember when her grandparents passed away—it wrecked her. Josy was devastated, like the light had been dimmed inside her, and for a long time, she couldn’t find her way out of the grief. I encouraged her to seek professional help back then, even though I wasn’t sure if she’d actually go through with it. But she did. And seeing the difference it made in her… Well, she found her footing again, step by step, until she was steady and strong once more.
Now, years later, Josy is in such a better place. She talks about her grandparents with a smile instead of tears. She celebrates their memory instead of being crushed by the weight of their absence. I’m proud of her for taking that step when she needed to, but now that she’s suggesting it for me, I feel…conflicted.
Do I really need help? Do I need that kind of help?
