Page 25 of Loving Violet
“Sounds delicious. Have a great evening, Violet,” Mr. Baker says when I move to keep with my grocery shopping. After I finish picking up everything we need, I head back to Josy’s house to drop off the groceries.
Later that afternoon, I arrive at my first appointment with Dr. Bennett, the therapist Josy recommended. I’m nervous, but I know this is a step I need to take for myself and for Adrian.
The therapist’s office is located in a charming old building downtown. The exterior is painted a soothing shade of blue, and flower boxes filled with vibrant blooms adorn the windows. As I walk inside, I’m greeted by the soft sound of instrumental music playing in the background. The waiting room is cozy and inviting, with plush chairs, soft lighting, and a small table filled with magazines.
The office is just as welcoming. The walls are painted in calming hues of sage green, and large windows let in plenty of natural light. There’s a comfortable couch opposite a desk, and several potted plants add a touch of greenery to the space.
Dr. Bennett herself is a woman, probably in her early forties, with kind eyes and a gentle demeanor. She greets me with a warm smile and gestures for me to sit on the couch.
“Hi, Violet. I’m Dr. Bennett. It’s nice to meet you. Please, make yourself comfortable.”
I sit down, trying to relax. “Thank you. It’s nice to meet you too.”
We spend the first few minutes chatting about general things—how I’m finding Honey Springs, how Adrian is doing at school, things like that—before Dr. Bennett gently guides the conversation toward why I’m here in the first place.
“So, Violet… Can you tell me a bit about what’s been going on?”
I take a deep breath, feeling the familiar pang of anxiety. “Well, I recently went through a divorce. It was...a really difficult time for me. My ex-husband, Taylor, was very...critical. He constantly put me down, made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. Over time, I guess I started to believe it.”
Dr. Bennett nods, her expression sympathetic. “That sounds incredibly challenging. It’s not uncommon for people to internalize negative messages received from others, especially from someone they were close to. How has this affected your self-esteem?”
I look down at my hands, fidgeting with the hem of my dress. “I don’t have much self-esteem left. I feel like...like I’m not worth anything. I feel ugly most days, and every time I look at myself in the mirror, I can’t help but see all the flaws that Taylor used to point out to me daily. I was with Taylor for over ten years and the last five were torture. I try to stay strong for Adrian, but it’s hard. I just want to feel good about myself again.”
Dr. Bennett leans forward slightly, her voice gentle but firm. “Violet, acknowledging these feelings is a huge first step. You’ve been through a lot, and it’s going to take time to heal. But I’m here to help you with that process. We’ll work together to rebuild your self-esteem and help you start to see yourself the way others see you—as a strong, capable, and worthy person.”
I nod, feeling a glimmer of hope. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
She smiles reassuringly. “You’re welcome, Violet. We’ll take this one step at a time. You’re not alone in this.”
Her words put me at ease, and the rest of our time together passes surprisingly quickly. There’s something calming about her presence, the way she listens without judgment and guides the conversation like a gentle current. She asks more questions about me—what I like, what I don’t, and the things that make me feel most like myself.
Then she gives me an assignment. “From now on,” she says with a soft but steady voice, “I want you to look at yourself in the mirror every day and point out your strengths. It might feel awkward at first, but this will help you shift your focus. Instead of dwelling on your flaws—or what Taylor convinced you were flaws—you’ll start seeing your strengths for what they are.”
Her words land heavily, but not in a bad way.
They stir something deep inside me, a mix of reluctance and curiosity. It’s been so long since I’ve thought about my strengths, let alone spoken them aloud. Taylor’s voice, his constant critiques and backhanded comments, always drowned out anything good I might have believed about myself.
“I’ll try,” I say, though my voice is hesitant.
She smiles warmly, a look of encouragement in her eyes. “Don’t worry if it feels strange at first. It’s a practice, not a test. Start small. Maybe it’s that you’re a good friend or a hard worker. Even if you have to fake it at first, keep at it. You’ll start to believe it, piece by piece.”
I picture myself standing in front of the mirror, speaking words I’m not even sure I believe yet. But maybe this is what I need—a new perspective, a new way of seeing myself. Not through the distorted lens Taylor left behind, but through my own eyes, clearer and stronger.
I feel a flicker of hope. Maybe, I can rebuild the way I see myself. And maybe it starts with something as simple as a reflection in the mirror.
As I leave Dr. Bennett’s office, I feel a mix of emotions—nervousness, hopefulness, and happiness. I’m taking steps to heal, to become the person I want to be, for myself and for Adrian. I believe that things can get better. I hope to be a new Violet. I don’t want to be the same I was before. I can’t be her, I need to become the woman who I was meant to be at this stage of my life.I want to love me again.
After my appointment, I pick up Adrian from school. As soon as he opens the door, a wave of body odor hits me.
“Adrian! You need to start wearing deodorant. You’re starting to get stinky,” I say, scrunching my nose. Adrian buckles up and smells his armpits.
“Wow! I really stink.”
“I know. I got hit with your stinkiness as soon as you got in the car.”
“Why am I stinky? I’ve never smelled bad before.”
As I start driving home, we continue talking. “Because you’re growing into a young man, and men tend to smell bad. You’ll also be growing hair in your armpits, on your face, and in your private parts.”
