Page 17 of Loving Josy
As I scrub the already clean counter, Edna wipes her hands on her apron and says, “I’ll see you tomorrow, my girl.”
“Go home and rest, Edna. We’ve been working hard today, and I’d bet anything that your feet are killing you.”
“Oh, you’re right about that,” she says with a tired smile. “I’m going to get Tony to give me a good massage. He can use those big rough hands on me.” Edna waggles her eyebrows, her playful tone making me laugh out loud.
Edna has been with me since the day I opened the coffee shop, and I’ve known her since I was a little girl. She used to be friends with my nana, and when I lost both my grandparents, Edna stepped in, filling the role of a loving grandmother. She’s been there for me every day, and I love her dearly. I’m grateful that even at her age, she still wants to work on her feet all day.
“Don’t overwork yourself, Edna,” I say, my voice softening. “You’ve earned a good rest.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about me, dear,” she replies, her eyes twinkling. “I’ll be back tomorrow, bright and early, ready to tackle whatever you throw at me.”
I smile, feeling grateful. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
As Edna heads out the door, I take a moment to watch her go, my heart swelling with affection. She’s been my rock, and I don’t know what I’d do without her.
With Edna gone, the kitchen spotless, and all the pastries on the cooling rack, I head toward the front of the shop. Violet is at the counter, refilling the sugar containers with a focused expression. When she sees me, she pauses and arches an eyebrow. "When are you going to tell me what happened?" she asks, her tone leaving no room for evasiveness.
I feign ignorance, pretending not to understand what she’s getting at, but Violet isn’t buying it. She gives me that knowing look that makes me take a deep breath. “There’s nothing to tell,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady.
Violet sets the sugar container down and crosses her arms. “I’m pretty sure there is. I distinctly remember a time when you wanted to tell Noah that you were in love with him—ten years ago, to be exact. But you never did. Every time I asked, you’d change the subject, and I was too busy with Adrian to press the issue. But Josy, it’s been ten years. Why do you act like you hate him now? If I can even call it hate, because from where I’m standing, it looks more like you never got over him.”
Her words hit me harder than I want to admit. I open my mouth to argue, to tell her she’s wrong, but the words die on my lips. How can I deny something I’ve been hiding from myself for so long?
“It’s not that simple, Violet.” My words barely above a whisper.
“Then make it simple,” she counters gently. “You’ve been carrying this around for a decade, Josy. Don’t you think it’s time to figure out what you really want?”
I bite my lip, looking away. “I just… I can’t.” The frustration and confusion is bubbling up inside me.
“You do realize that Noah is going to be working on the remodeling of your new place, right? Which means you’re going to see him all the time.”
I fidget with a loose thread on my apron, avoiding her gaze. “Yeah, I know.”
“Aren’t you going to get tired of fighting this?" She tilts her head, watching me closely. “Of treating him like you hate him when it’s so obvious you don’t?”
I look up sharply, ready to deny it, but Violet’s soft expression stops me. She’s not judging; she’s just concerned. “I don’t hate him.” The admission slipping out before I can stop it.
“I know you don’t,” she says gently. “But you’re not exactly making it easy on yourself, either. All this pretending, all this pushing him away… it’s got to be exhausting, Josy.”
“I don’t know what else to do, Vi.” I sigh, running a hand through my face. “I’ve been doing this for so long, I don’t know how to stop.”
Violet steps closer, her voice calm and steady. “You stop by letting yourself be honest. Stop fighting what you feel and start dealing with it. Because like it or not, Noah’s going to be around a lot more now. And you’re going to have to face whatever this is between you two.”
I swallow hard, the reality of her words sinking in. She’s right, Noah working on the new coffee shop means I won’t be able to avoid him, no matter how much I might want to. And maybe, deep down, I don’t want to avoid him at all.
“I guess I’m going to have to figure it out, then,” I say, my voice small.
Violet smiles, a knowing look in her eyes. “That’s the spirit. And who knows? Maybe this is exactly what you need to finally stop running.”
I give her a weak smile, though my heart is pounding with uncertainty. The thought of being around Noah every day, offinally confronting the feelings I’ve been burying for so long, is terrifying. But maybe Violet is right, maybe it’s time to stop pretending and start facing the truth.
The truth that I never stopped loving Noah. I tried, I really tried, but nothing worked. So I stuffed all my feelings deep in my heart, hoping they would stay hidden forever. For years, I’ve seen him from afar, dating woman after woman, and with each one, a piece of me died from jealousy and anger. That’s why his attention now is so unsettling. I can’t understand what’s changed. Why is he suddenly trying to talk to me, even flirt with me. It doesn’t make any sense.
It’s so hard to act differently now because, in my mind, nothing has really changed. I know Noah didn’t do anything wrong. We were just friends, and I was the one who fell for him. But that day I overheard him talking to his “honey,” something inside me shattered. All my hopes of being with him evaporated so fast, leaving me humiliated and heartbroken. And I guess I just never figured out how to stop feeling that way.
“I’ll think about it,” I say, trying to sound more confident than I feel.
Violet nods, satisfied. “Good. Just remember, Josy, you’re stronger than you think. And you deserve to be happy, whatever that looks like.”
