Page 102 of Commitment Issues
Chapter Forty-Two
Elliot
I look down at the scribbled note, with the address Cosmo handed me earlier. It feels like a lifetime since I was in his kitchen, where he’d told me about Gavin’s poison. Gavin. Bile coats the back of my throat. He’s not important. This, here, now, is what is. But I’ll deal with Gavin, in my own way and in my own time.
It doesn’t take me long to find the house. Long and low, big and rambling, its walls painted a bright and cheery pink like so many in these parts, it nonetheless looks like it’s settled in the landscape. It’s a beautiful house, there are even flowers threading through a trellis around the doorway and the front garden’s full of potted shrubs where bees buzz.
“I’m scared, Jas,” I say, as I stand by the garden gate. “What if he won’t see me?” I look down at Jasper, tethered to me by his leash.
I had to bring him, I couldn’t leave him all day on his own. I’d phoned my cleaner Rosa, asking her to check on him, but she was on her way out to a family function. Knocking on my neighbour’s door had been met with silence. I’d even considered James, before shelving that idea.
Jasper makes a strangled, raspy noise in the back of his throat as he cocks his head on one side, tongue lolling from his mouth, and I’m glad the little scrap’s with me.
My stomach’s in turmoil, as I make my way to the door. I’ve no idea what my reception here will be like. It’s mid-afternoon, and although I’d set off soon after I got home, roadworks and diversions have conspired against me. I should have been here a couple of hours ago, but I’m here now and that’s all that matters.
I’ve not left a message to let Freddie know I was coming. It seems sneaky, somehow, as though I’m hijacking him, but if it’s the only way I get to speak to him, then it’s all I can do, because this is the biggest crisis I’ve faced in my life. I know it in my blood and bones. I know it in every atom and molecule. I know it in my heart, and I have to make Freddie know it, too.
My pulse hammers out of control as I stand in front of the door. Its dark, heavy, wood looks old, and with a shaking hand I reach for the big brass knocker, but before I can lift it, the door’s flung open and I stumble back in surprise.
A woman stands there, a little older than me, I think, but not by much. The resemblance is clear, and there’s no doubt who she is.
“I…” My voice fails me, the words getting stuck in my throat.
She doesn’t say anything, only looks at me through eyes that are as rich and deep a shade of hazel as Freddie’s, as she tilts her head slightly to the side, patiently waiting for me to speak. She knows who I am, I can feel it, but she’s not doing me any favours and not giving me any quarter, and why the hell should she?
“I’m looking for Freddie. I’m a—a friend,” I croak. It’s all I can manage.
“Are you?” she says, her Suffolk accent heavier than the traces I hear in Freddie’s. Her gaze shifts to Jasper, and her face lights up in a smile so much like Freddie’s it takes my breath away. “And who might this boy be?” She leans down and extends her hand, and I expect Jasper to shuffle away but, just like with Freddie, Jasper nuzzles in to her.
“This is Jasper. I didn’t like to leave him, not all day.”
“And so you shouldn’t. Dogs are like people, they need company,” she says, standing up straight. “Freddie’s not here.” She shrugs. “Most likely be gone for hours. He’s taken a bike, you see.”
“A bike? Sorry… I’ve travelled up from London, and I’ve got to see him today. It’s important. There’s something he needs to know. Something I need to put right.”
“I expect there is. I don’t know you, because he hasn’t said anything. He keeps everything hidden, or as much as he can. Always did. But it doesn’t stop me from guessing who you might be. Boyfriend? Although I’ve got to say, you’re a bit old for that moniker. Well, I know your dog’s name, so what’s yours?”
“Yes, of course. I’m Elliot.”
Her brow crinkles in thought. “No, he’s not mentioned any Elliot.”
My heart plummets. It must show in my face, and something relents in her voice.
“I’m Julie. Freddie’s mum, but you’ve guessed that I reckon. And London, you say. That’s some drive, so I suppose I can stretch to a cup of tea for you, and a bowl of water for Jasper here”
“Yes. Please.”
She nods, and opens the door wider, but she’s not yet ready to let me in.
“This is Freddie’s home, and here it’s what he says that counts, not what you say. You might want to see him but he might not want to see you.” She says the words without any animosity in the voice. It’s more a plain statement of fact. She’s protecting her son, and I understand that, but I’m here to protect us, me and Freddie.
“It’s vital I speak to him today. There are—there’s been a misunderstanding that needs to be put right. I just need him to hear me out, and if he tells me to go, I will.”
Julie nods, and there’s a small almost sad smile playing at the edges of the lips, as she steps aside and lets me in.
As soon as I walk into the kitchen, the aroma of something fragrant and summery assaults my senses; my mouth begins to water and my stomach rumbles.
“Jasper can make friends with Mervin. I expect he’s hungry, too.”
