Page 103 of Commitment Issues
I’m about to say Jasper’s nervous around other dogs, but he’s straining at the leash, his stubby tail wagging, as he tries to sniff an old dog who’s every bit a mutt as he is.
“I think Mervin and Jasper will get along just fine.” Julie takes the leash from me and unhooks it from Jasper’s collar and I can only stare, dumbfounded, as Jasper settles his stiff little body next to Mervin.
“Sit yourself down.”
Julie ladles soup into a bowl from a huge pot bubbling on an old fashioned range, placing it before me along with a huge chunk of what’s clearly home-made bread, before topping up the dog bowl with dried food.
“You look as wrecked as Freddie does. He turned up late Wednesday. Called from the station he did, from the call box. No explanation other than that he wanted to come home early, so I went and brought my boy home. Home, where he’s safe and protected and loved, always has been and always will be. He needs to recover from whatever he needs to recover from. I won’t have,wewon’t have, and by that I mean me and my husband, we won’t have anything come and disrupt that. Do you understand?”
I put down my spoon and meet Julie’s eye.
If you hurt my son, then I will hurt you. The message is loud and clear, and I nod my understanding.
“I’m not here to hurt him, but I do need to speak to him. He’s been told lies, and I’m here to tell him the truth. All of it.”
“He’s not said a word, about anything.” She smiles, and in it I recognise the ghost of Freddie’s. “But I can read him like an open book, the way I can with all my kids, and the words I see are written plain and clear.”
“What are they?”
She doesn’t answer, but instead takes my now empty bowl and plate over to the sink before opening a tin box from where she produces a cake and slices off a large chunk. Like the soup and the bread, it’s placed before me without a word.
“Sad words, full of heartbreak. I’ve seen words like them before, when that Paul Stringer piece of shit did a number on Freddie. Do you know about him?” Her eyes bore into me, and I nod.
“I know somebody hurt him, but he’s never talked about it and I’ve never pushed.”
“He keeps a lot locked up inside, the silly bugger. I can tell you some of it, Elliot.” She leans forward, her eyes locking onto mine. “Freddie gave his heart but it got ripped up and thrown back in his face. An older man stringing him along. Stringer, the name’s apt. He didn’t just go back to his long-term partner, to the man who’d been his fiancé, after promising Freddie the moon and stars, he went and got married.”
I jerk back. “Married?”
Long-term partner… fiancé… back together… marriage… Freddie thought that was going to be me and Gavin? Sickness boils in my stomach. That’ll never happen, and I have to make Freddie believe it. I have to make him believe history’s not repeating itself.
“It kicked his legs from under him. He came home for a bit, but Cosmo kept a beady eye on him. You know his friend Cosmo?”
“Yes, I do. He’s a good friend to Freddie.”
“He is. Thing is, Elliot, you’re an older man, too. Around the same age as me, I reckon. That in itself doesn’t surprise me. Always been drawn to those who’re older, has Freddie. Older friends when he was a kid, older boyfriends when he was of an age for such things. I’ve always put it down to him being so clever.”
Julie smiles, her pride in Freddie written across her face, but the smile fades almost immediately and her eyes turn chilly.
“But cleverness comes in different forms, and he’s not always been clever when it’s come to choosing boyfriends. He’s a good natured, easy going boy with so much to give—”
“I know that, and—”
She raises her hand, and there’s something almost imperious in the gesture, and I fall silent.
“He’s those things and so much more, and it’s meant there have been those who’ve taken advantage of that good nature. It happened with that Stringer, but it’ll not happen again. I won’t allow it. Do you understand me, Elliot?” Julie stares at me across the table, watchful and assessing. Even if I wanted to feed her lies and platitudes, she’d see right through me. But I don’t want to. “I don’t know what your situation is, or anything about you. Are you another one who’s going to kick my son’s legs from under him?”
“No. I would never do that to him.” My voice is hard and tight. “Yes, I had a long-term partner. We were engaged to be married. I thought we’d always be together but—but it ended, and there’s no way back. More than that, the thought of it makes me feel ill. That’s what Freddie needs to know, it’s what he needs to understand.”
Julie says nothing. She’s making her mind up, deciding what feels like my fate. The woman’s both my judge and jury and I can do nothing but await her verdict.
“Do you love my son, Elliot?”
“What?”
“It’s a simple and straightforward question, but I’ll repeat it. Do you love my son?”
I don’t hesitate, because the answer’s as simple and straightforward as the question.
“Yes, I do.” I push my fingers hard through my hair, and my scalp tingles. “But I never meant to. I tried not to, but somewhere along the way, it just—happened.”
“He’s a hard boy not to fall for,” Julie says, softly.
“He is. And I need to tell him that.”
“I think you do. Ah.” Her gaze shifts to over my shoulder. “Your chance’s come a little earlier than I thought it would. I think this calls for that cup of tea, now, don’t you?”
