Page 29 of Commitment Issues
His voice comes out in a rush, as he reaches up and rubs at the back of his neck, shifting from foot to foot and looking everywhere but at me. All awkward arms and legs, like when I’d watched him just days before as he’d waited outside the Tube station, and just like then, the age gap feels vast and unbridgeable, and my stomach clenches at what we’ve agreed to.
“We’d best get showered and changed, and then I’ll introduce you to our hosts. You go ahead and sort yourself out first. I’ve got some calls to make,” I lie. I dash out through the open door and onto the verandah, before he can answer me.
Outside, I make my way down the meandering path that ends at the beach. I don’t run across anybody else, thank God, because I need some space. The beach is empty, except for some stacked-up sun beds. Making for a rocky outcrop, I climb to the top and sit looking out at the calm waters.
At least they’re calm, because I’m bloody well not.
I narrow my eyes as I look out to sea, which is changing from deep blue to a molten orange as the sun dips below the horizon, and I think about what’s to come.
Gavin, and the inevitable raised eyebrow and smirk at the disparity in mine and Freddie’s ages. I don’t care what he thinks of me, because I’ve stopped caring. But Idocare about Freddie, and what I’m exposing him to. Jesus Christ, have I really, truly, thought this through?
“Damn, damn,damn.”I rake my fingers through my hair.
Damn James for setting in motion this whole car crash, poised to hurtle out of control down the hill, but most of all, damn myself.
* * *
“Are you sure this is okay?” Freddie says. “I mean, it’s a cocktail party, and—”
“There’s nothing to worry about.” I try and reassure him, but he really has nothing to be concerned about on the looks front. Dark jeans, and a soft shirt of the palest, lightest, watery pink, loosely fitted and perfect for his lean and lightly muscled frame. “Yes,” I say, a rough edge to my voice, “there’ll be cocktails but it’s really just drinks around the pool. You look perfect, and everybody will be envious because you’re mine.”
I catch Freddie’s eye, reflected in the full-length mirror that takes up most of the wall opposite the bed. His hands fall still, fingers caught in his fringe that he’s fiddling around with. Holding his gaze, I can’t drag my eyes away because he does look perfect. My words aren’t words for words’ sake, because Iwillbe the envy of every man gathered around the pool, but they have a proprietary, possessive edge to them that comes from I don’t know where.
“Got to make sure I look like somebody you’d want hanging from your arm. I’m ready.” Freddie’s smile is little more than the softest curve of his lips as he gives his hair one last sweep with his fingers.
We walk up the path towards the villa in silence. The breeze rustles in the bougainvillea, and the cicadas croak as the sea whispers in the background. As we near the villa, other sounds join in. Laughter and music waft on the warm air, along with the chink of glasses. I suck in a deep, steadying breath as we enter the softly lit area around the pool where the wedding party’s gathered. This is it. I let my breath escape, slow, controlled, calm. I can do this, we can do this.
I glance at Freddie. If he has any nerves, they’re tucked out of sight. His face is calm and controlled, and all my fears fall away. He turns to me and smiles, tilting his chin very slightly upwards. Determination shines bright in his eyes.
“Ready to make an entrance?” he asks, his voice low.
I jump as Freddie takes my hand, warm and firm as he wraps his fingers around mine. He chuckles under his breath, the sound rippling up my backbone, my skin prickling as tiny explosions rush along every one of my nerves.
“I thought I was the nervous one.” He cocks his head and looks at me through his thick lashes as he bites down on his plump lower lip. “Do I look winsome enough? Adoring enough? When should I flutter my lashes at you? Should we have a special sign, like if I pick my nose?”
I burst into laughter, and the stiffness that’s seized hold of my neck and shoulder muscles drains away, like water down a plug hole.
“I think we can leave the nose picking aside — unless you have a real need to, of course, but do try and avoid wiping bogies down your front. In this dry air, they’ll set and go hard very quickly.”
Freddie’s answering laugh is a burst of warmth, and I grin at him as I hold his hand in mine and forget about everything else.
“Elliot.”
The deep, masculine voice behind me has me swinging around, and I’m pulled into a hard hug by the mountain of a man who is my friend Andrew.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” he whispers against my ear, his voice as gravelly as always. “And that you’ve brought somebody.”
“I’m sorry I was so last minute in telling you,” I whisper back. “I hope this hasn’t caused any issues.”Problems with Marcus.I don’t need to say the words for Andrew to know what I’m talking about.
“Of course not,” he says, but I’m not sure I believe him. Marcus is Gavin’s oldest, closest friend, and I know he’d have had plenty to say both to both Andrew and Gavin. “Now, introduce me to Freddie.”
I pull out of Andrew’s embrace, my heart thumping hard. Clearing my throat, I make quick introductions.
If Freddie’s taken aback by Andrew, who’s holding out his giant fist of a hand in greeting, he’s not letting on. Andrew’s dark beard may have been trimmed and his wild, black hair under some semblance of control, but my old friend has never quite lost the pirate crossed with a pissed off yeti look. To the uninitiated, he’s scary and intimidating and I kick myself for not warning Freddie. But I’ve no need to worry, as Freddie takes hold of Andrew’s hand without a moment’s hesitation, his smile big, bright and confident, as he meets Andrew’s eyes with a steady, unflinching gaze.
“It’s good to meet you, and congratulations. Thank you for allowing me to accompany Elliot.”
Letting go of Andrew’s hand, Freddie once more takes mine as he presses himself into my side. Andrew’s eyes flicker down to our joined hands.
“You’re very welcome. Come on, let’s get you both a drink,” he says, ushering us forward.
A drink. Somehow I know I’m going to need it.
