Page 42 of Commitment Issues
Chapter Eighteen
Elliot
It’s the whole reason for you being here…The words stick in my throat, lodged like a fishbone.
I want to tell him that his being here with me makes everything a million times better. I want to explain, to unravel my words that are knotted and twisted. His head’s bowed over his breakfast that he little more than picks at. This sudden, heavy awkwardness is my fault, so I need to fix it.
“Freddie—”
“Do you mind if I go back? I want to sort out my stuff for the boat trip, and I shouldn’t eat much, anyway. In case of sea sickness.” His smile’s as limp as week old lettuce.
“No, no of course not.”
A moment later he’s gone, and I watch his long-legged stride until he disappears around a shrub and out of sight.
Sipping at my coffee, I barely taste it, and I can’t help but feel like the sun’s retreated behind a cloud.
“Good morning.Ells.” Andrew sits down at the table, a bowl of breakfast in his hand that looks like a child’s play set in his huge, hairy paw. I swallow my groan. Somebody else I owe an explanation to.
“Drew,” I say, using the schoolboy name without thought. He tuts, but smiles.
I look around; there’s nobody within earshot, but I drop my voice anyway.
“Freddie told me everything. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t feel like nearly enough of an apology. I should’ve explained who and what Freddie is when I let you know I was bringing somebody, but I thought it’d be easier all round if Freddie and I kept it to ourselves — and that was my decision, not his. But it was deceitful, and I’m truly sorry.”
“Yes, you should have told me.”
Notus, butme.
“I was surprised you agreed to such a thing, but as soon as I heard James was the instigator…”
“James was always the instigator, but it was what made him so much fun.”
“When we were boys at school, yes, and later at university I suppose.” He hunches his shoulders as he digs into his breakfast, reminding me of a big, grizzly bear pawing honey from a bee hive. “But his pranks and his fun were always at somebody else’s expense,” he spits, as he jabs his spoon too hard into a melon ball and flips it out of the bowl. It hits him full in the beard, where it clings on for dear life.
I burst into a laugh, and Andrew’s chuckle is a deep, accompanying boom, melting the awkwardness between us. Leaning forward, I free the melon and set it aside.
“If it’s any consolation, although it probably isn’t, I was ready to say no to Freddie.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No,” I say, after a moment’s hesitation.
Andrew studies me, his dark eyes showing nothing of what he’s thinking. I’ve known him for so long, I know his good points of which there are many, and his bad points of which there are few, but I’ve never met anybody who could pull up the shutters so tightly. It’s what’s made him, I suppose, the top barrister he is.
“And why do you think that is?”
“Come on, Drew, I’m not in the witness box. I just decided James was probably right about not facing Gavin on my own, especially when I was led to believe he was bringing somebody.”
Andrew sighs. “For once I have to agree with James, even though it grieves me to say it. You took a big hit when Gavin left, but now you need to move forward, have some fun and not get too involved with anybody for a while. Just cut yourself some slack. Maybe cut it with Freddie?”
I shake my head. “No, we have an arrangement which lasts just for as long as we’re here. I’d been so determined to come here and face Gavin on my own, but when I met Freddie, I found myself questioning why. It’s funny, but James said pretty much the same thing to me, about cutting myself some slack.”
“He’s right.”
Andrew attacks the rest of his breakfast, as I drink my coffee, the silence companionable when it could so easily be strained and tense.
“Who was it Gavin was supposed to have been bringing with him? He made some remark about deciding in the end to come alone.”
