Page 48 of Commitment Issues
Chapter Twenty
Elliot
“Oh!” Freddie’s eyes widen. “Being here,” he says, spreading his arms wide and looking around the picture-perfect little cove, “it must be incredibly painful for you. Why did you want to come? We didn’t have to join the boat party.”
“I didn’t want you to miss out. It’s beautiful here, even though what ultimately happened was… not beautiful.”
“But it’s just a beach. We could have spent the day on the one at the villa.”
He lays his warm palm on my arm in understanding, solidarity and support, and my heart trips. It’s the empathy, the understanding I’m not expecting from somebody so young. Everything’s ahead of him, the world’s wide open and full of promise, the path through it yet to be strewn with broken promises and heartbreak.
“Are you okay? Really?” Freddie looks at me, concern filling in his big hazel eyes.
I nod. “I’m fine. It’s just the first time I’ve been back here since Gavin and I split up, but it’s a beautiful place, the sun’s shining, and we should make the most of it. Honestly, Freddie, it’s not a problem.”
“If you’re sure?” he says, stepping in closer, his voice low, as he studies me. The frown furrowing his brow smooths, as though he’s finally satisfied. “In that case, it’s the perfect location.”
“For what?”
He answers by sliding his arm around me, holding me lightly but close as he rests his head on my shoulder. I gasp, and he laughs, the low chuckle vibrating across my skin.
“I think you’re supposed to reciprocate. Put your arms around me,” he murmurs into my neck.
Of course I’m supposed to put my bloody arms around him. We’re supposed to be a couple, but we won’t look much like one if I stand as stiff as a plank of wood. And it’s easy to wrap myself around him, to encase him in my arms and feel the warm press of his body against mine.
I close my eyes and draw in a long breath, soaking my senses in his aroma. It’s soap and shampoo and freshness. It’s the scent of youth and vitality, and it only serves to emphasise how tired and jaded I am. He shifts and looks up at me, concern and intelligence dancing in his eyes.
“Come for a swim with me.” He nods towards the gently lapping sea, turquoise blue against the golden sand.
Many in the wedding party are already in the water. Others lie on towels, some as naked as the day they were born, as they soak up the sun.
My stomach hitches. Naked. I’ve no hang-ups about stripping off on the beach, and I know objectively I have a good body, but I don’t do it to flaunt myself. I love the feeling of freedom and the lack of constraint shedding all my clothes gives me. I spend most of my life buttoned up in a suit and tie, and just throwing it all away, if only few for a few hours, is a taste of a long-lost freedom. But I’m here with Freddie, and being naked in front of him fills me with equal parts thrill and equal parts horror.
“I’ll keep my trunks on,” I say, “but if you want…”
He shakes his head, colour tinging his cheekbones. “And risk getting sand in places I really don’t want to get sand? No, it’s okay. Besides, it’s not only my back that threatens to go all cheesy Dorito in the sun.” He shrugs and offers up a mischievous grin. “And besides,” he adds, “if anybody wants to know why we’re not as naked as newborns, we can tell them we keep it strictly for the bedroom.”
The image sears itself on my brain. Freddie. Naked. In the bedroom. On the bed.
Shit…My cock’s straining against the confines of my trunks, and I turn aside, not wanting him to witness the effect those words are having on me. I rummage in my bag for my towel, my water, my book, anything to stop me meeting his eyes and giving myself away.
“I’m going to stay here. I may come in later,” I say as I fiddle about with the towel. There’s not a snowball in hell’s chance of that happening, now or ever. “You go in, though.”
“Are you sure?”
I nod, my voice too rough to speak. Sucking in a long, quiet breath, I hold it for a moment, taking the time to gather myself and steady my nerves. It’s a trick I learned years ago, when I’d been starting out in business, as a way to manage and not betray I was shaking like a leaf behind the controlled exterior. It’s been a long time since I’ve needed the hack, but I need it now.
“Yes, of course I am. I promise to stay put here, on my towel, and not wander off and get lost.”
His eyes drift past me to the warm sea beyond, his longing to be wrapped in its caress shining from his eyes.
“Would it be rude of me to say that Andrew looks like some kind of monster from the deep?”
I follow his gaze, and laugh. “No. In fact, I’d say you were spot on.”
Emerging from the waves, Andrew lumbers onto the beach, his stocky and very hairy body making it look like he’s covered in fur. He comes to a halt in front of us, shaking the water from himself like a huge St Bernard.
“Are you still finding excuses not to go into the water, Elliot? You did take those swimming lessons, didn’t you?”
