Page 70 of Commitment Issues
“My family.” Freddie points to a photo that takes pride of place in the centre. “My parents, brother and two sisters. It was taken just before I started university. The last time I was home was in February, for Dad’s birthday. We’re a close family, and although we talk on the phone and FaceTime, it’s not the same. My brother and sisters were my best friends, growing up, even though we fought like cats and dogs. My sisters are both married, and still live in the village, but my brother’s still at home. I’m the only one who’s properly moved away.”
I take a closer look at the photo. The likeness between them all is clear, but it’s his mother Freddie resembles most, her hair as blonde and heavy as Freddie’s. But the family photos aren’t the only ones.
There are lots of him and Cosmo, arms slung around each other, around their waists, or over shoulders, their bodies pressed tight. There’s even one of them tousled-haired and sleepy-looking as they peer out from under a duvet they’re sharing, in a tent. They look like a couple, and a spasm hits my chest and I know it for what it is.
Jealousy.
“You and Cosmo, you look close.” My voice feels tight and strained. I know the two of them are best friends, but…
“We are,” he says, simply. “We found ourselves sharing a student house in our first term with a bunch of Neanderthals, although that’s an insult to our cousins on the evolutionary tree. Four Hooray Henry homophobes, they made our life difficult.”
His face closes off, as his lips press tight.
“I was eighteen and fresh from home. I’d never experienced anything like it and I found them intimidating. But Cosmo wasn’t prepared to take their crap, so he decided to vote with his feet and find somewhere else and he asked me if I wanted to go with him. I jumped at the chance, then later we ended up here when he inherited this place from his gran. I love the annoying little git to bits, but close friendship’s all it’s ever been.”
The spasm in my chest loosens and melts away.
Two floors up, it’s easy to forget there’s a party taking place below. The music’s just a distant echo, and I’m happy to be away from it, happy to be sharing cups of tea and eating custard cream biscuits with Freddie, the pair of us on his bed and propped by pillows. He takes his garlanded helmet off and shakes out his hair, releasing the slight citrus aroma of lemon.
A burst of laughter drifts up from downstairs, along with cheers and clapping.
The digital clock that sits on a small table next to Freddie’s bed flicks over to 01.35am.
Outside, a car screeches past, a heavy bass beat thumping out, before it fades into the night.
I should go. I should get up, and thank him for the tea, and tell him I hope to see him again soon.
Instead, I sit on the bed, doing none of those things.
Freddie puts his cup down, and looks at me through the thick fall of his hair.
“Stay the night. Here, with me.”
My heart hammers hard in my chest, and James’ words came back to me. Cut myself a bit of slack… Have some fun… Don’t think about it too much. It doesn’t have to be more than that. It’s not about love or commitment or a relationship, all the things I tell myself I can’t face.
“Are you sure?” My voice is rough and parched.
“No, I’m not sure. In fact, it’s probably a really bad idea. But that doesn’t stop me wanting you to stay.”
And it’s what I do.
We strip off, our clothes landing in a heap on the floor, and slip into bed. I close my eyes as he kisses me, soft warm kisses, and I sigh.
I like sex, I love sex, the sweat, the moans, the curses, the hard and heavy thrust as I ram my cock into a tight, hot arse. I’ve lived a life since my first fumbling encounter as a teenager, before committing myself to Gavin, only to have that commitment thrown back in my face. But more than that I love—
This.
This, with Freddie.
Soft kisses, gentle touches, a sweep of fingers across hot and tingling skin. Licks and nips that works their magic, drifting down my body, making my muscles quiver and my nerves tremble.
I suck in an uneven breath, and force my eyes open. And gaze down. The bedding’s slipped from our naked bodies and moonlight streams through the window illuminating Freddie, between my splayed legs. His face hovers just above my heavy, blood-filled cock, his hot breath wafting across and lighting up every pulsing, throbbing nerve.
My breathing’s shallow and ragged as I push trembling fingers through the tangle of his hair.
He looks up at me; everything about him is still. The only thing I can hear is the thumping of my heart, the rush of blood racing through my veins, and my stuttering, shallow breaths.
He drops his head forward, and takes me deep into his mouth.
