Page 107 of Out of the Shadows
I stop. How can I say the words that must surely wound her?
“Feel more alive than you ever have before? Feel true and honest about the man you are, and the life you want to live?”
“I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to—”
“I don’t want you to be sorry, or not to me. Oh, Daniel.” She gives my hands a squeeze before she settles back in her seat. “He means a lot to you. More than a lot.”
“He does,” I say quietly.
“In which case you need to show him, and in no uncertain terms.”
“But if he won’t talk to me about what’s happened, how can I? He’s made his mind up about me and about us.”
“Did I say you have to speak to him?” She raises an imperious brow. “You really do need to catch up, you know. I said you need toshowhim. Daniel, if you’re absolutely one hundred per cent sure you want Cosmo in your life and that you want to make a go of things long term with him, then you have to make a decision that’s so far out of your comfort zone you can’t even see it on the horizon.”
“Cosmo said that, or something like it.”
The softness has left her eyes, as she’s shifted back into no holds barred, take no prisoners legal mode.
“It’s because he’s right — don’t glower at me like that. You asked me here because you want my advice. I could be at home with my feet up, watching the telly and eating my way through a delivery pizza.”
I snort out a laugh and she joins in because we both know that scenario is as likely as finding out the moon really is made of cheese.
“Just hear what I have to say. It’s up to you what if anything you choose to do with it, but just listen. Okay? Good,” she says when I nod. “He’s right, but he’s also wrong. He’s lived his life a certain way and he’s impatient for you to follow suit. Maybe too impatient, but then he’s young and his experience of life is not the same as yours.”
“His impatience is my point—”
Geraldine holds a finger up, and I fall silent.
“There isn’t a way back for you, not to what you were before, but there is a way forward. He’s asking a lot of you, more than you’re comfortable with — remember what I said about comfort zones? You have to show him you’re both ready and willing to move forward. You have to take action. You’re a man of your word, I don’t doubt you at all when you say you’ll take the steps you need to be open, or that you’ll speak to those who are closest to you. But then I’ve known you for so many years. Cosmo hasn’t. He still has a lot to learn about you, and that means you have to show him. Because he’s worried; no, more than that, he’s scared. He’s scared your talk is nothing more than that. Can you really and truly blame him? Because I can’t. And you know what happens when people are scared. They either stand and fight, or they run.”
“So what am I supposed to do? Wave that rainbow flag and shout from the rooftops?”
“In a manner of speaking, yes you should. Moving forward means making a stand, and you have to do it publicly. You’re not a flag waver, I know that much, but what you do have to do is make a commitment to him. You have to take Cosmo by the hand, literally and figuratively, and you have to do it under the full glare of the sun. Can you do that? When the moment comes, can you do that?” She shrugs. “In all honesty, in this moment? I really don’t know. Only you can look into your heart and know the true answer.”
