Page 111 of Out of the Shadows
The music switches. Something slower, sultry, a song I know. I catch my breath… Cosmo and me, the two of us in the jazz bar together, the lights low, and Cosmo smiling and happy…
“Cosmo?” I step forward.
He turns his head towards me, the movement slow and heavy as though the weight is too much to bear.
“What do you want?”
There’s no strength in his voice, there’s no glitter in his eyes; there’s no anything, and my stomach flips.
“It’s a party. People dance at parties.” I hold out my hand to him, and force both my voice and my arm to stay steady. “Do you remember this number? The band played it at the bar we went to, weeks and weeks back. You said you liked it. Perhaps you could like it again, with me?”
I keep my hand stretched out to him. He’s frowning as he looks at it, yet it’s not a frown of anger but of confusion as though his brain’s trying to catch up with what his eyes are seeing.
“You want me to —what?”
“I want you to dance with me. Here and now, to this number, in front of all these people.”
“I… Christ, Daniel, what are you doing?”
“I’m doing what I should have done a long ago. I’m being honest about who I am but more than that I’m being honest about what you mean to me. Do you remember what you said? That I’ll be coming out over and over?”
“And is that what you’re doing now? If I step onto the dance floor with you, if I let you wrap your arms around me, there’s no going back.” His gaze locks onto mine. “Do you really understand? Have you got the guts to face everything that means?”
“Yes. It’s taken me some time—”
“Like, all your life?”
Thank god…His voice is stronger, edged with snark, as the Cosmo I know and love rises to the surface.
“So, will you dance with me? I can only stand here with my arm held out for so long before I start to look stupid.”
“I’ll ask you again. Do you really want to do this? You have to be sure, for both of us.”
Show him…
I step in closer.
“Dance with me, Cosmo.”
Panic grips me when he doesn’t move. What if he shakes his head and says no? What if he turns away from me?
“Why should I, Daniel? Give me one good reason.”
“Because I’m tired of living in the shadows, because I’m tired of not letting the world see the man I really am. But most of all, because I love you.”
His eyes grew huge.
“What? You—love me?” he whispers.
I nod. “Yes, I do. With that comes honesty, and being true and open about who I am, and who we are. So, let me ask you again. Will you dance with me, under the full glare of the — fairy lights and electric flares?”
Geraldine’s wise words come back to me. They’re quite the sun, but the Christmas lights will do for now.
He still doesn’t move. My heart rate picks up, fast and erratic.What if he says no…?
His lips lift into a shaky smile. It’s small and weak, but it’s a smile when I’ve believed he’d never smile at me again. My heart calms, before it sings as he places his hand in mine.
I lead him to the dance floor, and the press of bodies fall back to let us pass. Or maybe that’s just how it seems. There’s whispering, like the low level buzz of bees. Curious glances and outright slack jawed stares are thrown our way, along with pointing fingers. I don’t give a damn for any of it, because the only thing I care for is the man whose hand rests warm and strong in my own.
