Page 20 of Out of the Shadows
COSMO
“Here, get all this down you.”
Fiona plonks down a tray holding a large mug of coffee, a glass of water, and a bacon sandwich. The china and glass rattle and I wince as the sound slices through my head.
“And these.” She pushes out a couple of painkillers from their plastic blister and they roll onto the tray.
The smell of the coffee, and the greasy bacon, makes my stomach turn over and I push myself up from my desk and with my hand clamped over my mouth I dash for the toilets.
There’s nobody, thank god, to see me launch myself into a cubicle and bolt the door behind me. I don’t throw up, though, which is one small mercy, and I slam the toilet lid down, collapse onto the seat and let my head drop into my hands. I’ll take a minute, or five, or ten, before I attempt to be a functioning human being.
Why the hell had I gone out on a Sunday night? I never go out on a Sunday night. All of my more extravagant behaviour is confined to Friday and Saturday. But not last night.
A friend’s birthday. The plan was to hit a couple of bars before we fell into a Chinese or Indian, then home. It hadn’t panned out like that.
I’d started hitting the booze hard at The Breaker’s Yard, after I saw Daniel scuttle off moments after the woman I recognised as his ex-fiancée, Geraldine Laferty, left. He’d been as surprised to see me as I’d been to see him. The shock in his face had almost been comic. What hadn’t been was the way his eyes had narrowed as they swept down my body, taking in every inch of me. It had made me feel naked and exposed, but not in a good way. But more than that, it had made me feel judged. What right had he to judge me in my own space? I don’t remember leaving the bar, and I have no idea if we had that Chinese or Indian meal.
I creep out of the toilet cubicle and step over to the washbasins, resting my weight on my arms as I stare hard in the mirror. There’s no doubt at all I look a mess.
My eyes are bloodshot and my face is slick with sweat. My hair’s all over the place and my shirt’s crumpled. I squint and look a little closer, and groan. The shirt’s clean, though creased, but I’ve put on the wrong suit, the one I left out for dry cleaning. The one that got covered in beer on Friday. I lift the edge of the jacket up and sniff. It’s stiff and there’s a faint stench of sour beer. This morning, my head thumping with the worst hangover I’ve had in ages, and running late for work, I’d grabbed the bundled up suit and this is the result.
I wash my face as best I can, and splash cold water into my eyes to try and get rid of the redness. Finally I run my fingers through my hair. I look better. Not hungover, now, just tired. That’s what anybody will think, looking at me. I stare at myself some more. Who the hell am I trying to convince? I look as bad as I did when I rolled in to work less than half an hour ago.
Back in the office, I swallow the painkillers before I take a sip of the coffee but I can’t even look at the bacon sandwich and I push it away.
“You don’t want it? Waste not, want not.” Fiona picks it up and takes a big bite. Melted butter oozes out, and I have to look away.
I slump back into my seat, not even bothering to switch on my computer.
“Where is everybody?”
“Don’t really know. Daniel’s in a meeting with the other senior bods, which is scheduled to go on for much of the morning. For now it looks like it’s just you, me, and Laughing Boy in the corner.” Fiona nods towards Tariq before she leans in and lowers her voice. “I’ve got to say, Cosmo, you really do look like shit. Why don’t you go home? I’ll say you’ve been taken ill. I’ll tell them you’ve got the runs. Nobody ever questions the runs, do they? Because who wants to know about people’s runny bums?”
She gives me a big grin as though she’s just revealed the secrets of the universe. It’s a tempting thought but there’s only one problem and it’s a problem she doesn’t know about.
Daniel. Last night. The Breaker’s Yard. He wouldn’t be fooled. He’d put two and two together and come up with a big shiny four.
“No, I’ll be okay once these kick in.”
She gives me a look that says she very much doubts it and, to be honest, so do I.
“I better get going,” she says looking at her watch. “I got a meeting with…”
I screen her out and wonder if I can creep down to the first aid room and catch a few zeds. There’s nobody around and if Daniel’s going to be out of the office all morning… I dump the idea because the way my luck’s running at the moment, I’ll get caught.
In the quiet office I begin to log into my computer but I’ve hardly begun when my phone rings. I scrunch my brows tight as the shrill tone knifes into my brain.
“Cosmo.” It’s one of the PAs. “Would you mind coming to the boardroom, please? The directors are going through the paper you produced for Daniel. They’ve got a couple questions for you.”
“What, now?” I doubt if I can even tell anybody what my name is at the moment, let alone answer any questions about that bloody paper I produced.
“If you wouldn’t mind. The directors have a lot of work to get through this morning.” She hangs up.
Oh no. No, no, no… not now, not this…
I suck in a deep breath and close my eyes. I can do this, I know I can. I wrote the report and I know what’s in it and I can answer any questions they can throw at me. I can do it, I really can…
I push myself up on aching legs I suspect somewhere along the way last night did too much dancing, praying to god it’ll be my brilliant answers that knocks them out rather than the stale fumes coming off my stained and smelly suit.
