Page 42 of Out of the Shadows
DANIEL
The drive takes less than ten minutes. From the outside the pub looks like a cosy place, the kind that would feature in a Visit the West Country advertising campaign. Six of us have decided to come, and our arrival just about doubles the number of customers. A young barman nods in welcome, his cheeks reddening a little when Cosmo gives him a big, dazzling smile.
“I owe you a drink, remember?” Cosmo says when he all but collapses into a chair, a look of relief on his face. “But you’ll need to go and get them.” He flourishes a note at me, determined I’m not going to refuse. I take it, knowing it’s a fight I won’t win. “Just soda and lime for me, because of the painkillers.” His lips twist in a wry smile.
At the bar, Fiona’s ordering for herself and Amy, which includes packets of crisps and nuts.
“The food in the centre’s not the best, so… Hmm, lovely.” She takes a sip of her just served wine, and looks over at Cosmo. “He’s such a drama queen. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was laying it on a bit thick.”
“I can assure you he’s not. He came down heavily, and there’s a lot of swelling around his ankle. He’s lucky he didn’t break it.”
“Oh. Well, erm, maybe he got away lightly.” A moment later, she’s gone leaving me alone at the bar.
I had no right to snap at her, because there’s no denying Cosmo likes to be the centre of attention. But drama queen? I’m not so sure. Cosmo nursing his ankle, tears of pain unashamedly running down his face, pale and bloodless under the bleaching moonlight…
I join the others at the table. “He’ll bring them over.” I’ve decided to try out a local brew, but the barman’s had to go and change the barrel.
Cosmo looks up from his phone, and shuffles along the banquette seat to make some room. The others have got into conversation with some locals, leaving Cosmo and me to entertain ourselves.
There’s not a lot of room, and it’s impossible to be unaware of how close we are. Yes, he was plastered across my back just a couple or so hours ago, but that was from necessity but this…? I could grab a chair and sit opposite him, giving us both more space.
I don’t.
Whatever it is he’s looking at, it’s claiming all his attention. An affectionate smile hovers over his lips, and I want to know, more than I should, what or who is the cause of it. He laughs, low and quiet, still absorbed in whatever it is that’s on his phone, and instead of looking away I let my gaze rake down his body, taking in every inch of him.
He’s wearing old, loose jeans and a shirt the same colour as his eyes. His dark hair is loose and floppy on top, with none of the styling that holds it in place at work. He pushes it back, but it won’t be tamed, and once more it falls forward. He huffs, before sweeping his tongue along his lower lip and even if I want to turn away, I can’t. He looks up, suddenly, and with a sharp and stomach turning horror I know I’m lit up and exposed. But it’s not me he’s looking at, but the barman who’s arrived, unnoticed by me, with our drinks.
“Thanks, babe.” Cosmo grins at the barman, who flushes a very patchy red. Cosmo gives him a wink, and snorts as the barman scuttles away. “It’s so much fun to tease. Cheers.”
He takes a slug of his soda and lime, at the same time his phone bleeps. His fingers fly over the onscreen keyboard, before he turns it off.
“Who was that?”
I ask the question before I can stop. I’ve no right to ask, no right to know, and if he challenges me I won’t have an answer for him. I’m about to blunder out an apology but I’m stopped before I can start.
“Freddie. The friend I met at university. We started off sharing a house with other students, but it wasn’t long before decided to live together.”
“Oh. I see.”
“No, you don’t.”
Cosmo’s tone is sharp, and he’s peering hard at me, his brows pulled down in annoyance.
“Like I said, he’s a friend. He became my housemate when I got my own place. You made the assumption he was my boyfriend. Freddie’s tall, blond and utterly gorgeous, but my boyfriend? Ewww, no. It’d be like sleeping with my brother. If I had one. I’ve tried all kinds of things, but incest isn’t one of them. Nor is pseudo incest.” He gives an exaggerated shiver.
“I didn’t mean… What I meant was—”
“It might be a smart idea if you just stopped. WhatImean, is you don’t want to dig an even bigger hole for yourself, do you?”
His annoyance at my lazy and obvious assumption has melted away and although he’s still peering at me, his eyes now sparkle with a dry amusement.
“Just so you know, Freddie’s married and he and his husband are living in sickeningly happy wedded bliss. Oh, and for information, the answer’s no.”
“No? I’m sorry, I don’t understand—”
“No, I don’t have a boyfriend, andno, I haven’t lived with any of the men I’ve been out with.”
He’s staring at me, his gaze unwavering as though he’s egging me on.
I look away, not just from him but from the image that’s searing itself on my mind’s eye. Cosmo, kissing those men in the pubs… there had been a hunger about him, just as there had been a hunger in me as I’d watched, unable to turn away. A hunger that’s always gnawed, a hunger I’ve never attempted to feed.
“I’ve no wish to pry into your private life.” I take a gulp of the sharp beer to wash away the rasp in my throat.
“You’re not prying,” he says as he starts to turn towards the others. “I’m just telling you how the land lies, that’s all.”
