Page 46 of Out of the Shadows
His hands clamp either side of my face, holding me steady as he deepens the kiss. Deepens… Jesus, it’s as like he can’t get enough of me as his tongue fucks my mouth. There’s not just hunger in him, there’s starvation, but it’s in me too as I kiss him back, as my tongue twists and tangles and fights with his. The bed shifts and Daniel’s astride me, his strong thighs either side of my hips. I’m hard, so fucking hard, as I thrust my hips upwards, rocking into him, desperate to feel the press of his dick against mine.
Stubble from his five o’clock shadow scratches over my own clean-shaven face, and all I can do is whimper and moan into the kiss he has complete control of. I’m desperate for him… all the alarms and danger flares have been doused, everything I vowed never to let happen again…never kiss a straight guy, never kiss a straight guy… it’s faded to no more than a thin and indistinct murmur before it fades to nothing…
My hands find his arse, his muscles flexing hard as my palms ride the wave of his own thrusting.
Yes…I slip a hand across his hip, across the hard and swollen bulge of his dick, cupping and squeezing, feeling his heat, feeling his — nothing.
The kiss is torn from me as he jerks back. His face is flushed, his eyes huge and black from his blown pupils, his lips are wet and puffy and red. He looks dirty, sexy, hot — and scared.
I reach for him. I want to tell him he doesn’t have to be scared, that he doesn’t have to be scared of what this is, and what this means, that he doesn’t have — but he jerks away, as though my touch is poison.
I let my hand drop back to the bed.
“What in god’s name have I just done?” He pushes himself away, and off the bed.
I look up at him as he stands between the two beds, frantically running his fingers through his hair.
“Pretty obvious I’d say.”
He looks down at me as though he’s hardly seeing me, as if I’m barely even here.
As if I’ve turned to nothing and no longer exist.
Fuck you, Daniel Russo…I won’t be ignored.
“You kissed me, Daniel. You. Kissed. Me. And you know what? I think you liked it. A lot.”
He drops down on the edge of his bed, rubbing at his mouth as though he’s trying to wipe away something foul tasting and offensive. Something filthy, dirty and unclean. He grabs a glass of water from the bedside cabinet and glugs half of it back as though to wash away the taste I’ve left in his mouth. I press my lips into a hard line, because it’s the only way I can stop them from trembling. I’m angry and I’m upset, and I don’t know which hurts the most.
“I shouldn’t have done — that. I didn’t mean to.”
He’s not looking at me, but at some point over my shoulder. He’s still ignoring me because it’s the easy thing to do, but I’m not going to make this easy for him.
“I didn’t mean to.” I quote his words back at him. “Kiss me, you mean? I don’t believe you any more than you believe yourself. I think people do exactly what they mean to do.” I glare at him, challenging him to look me in the eye. I lean forward. “In my limited experience — and yes, I am being ironic — when a guy kisses the way you just kissed me, he means every moment of it.”
“I don’t know why I did it.”
His voice, now, is steady and controlled, his eyes are more blue than black and the high colour has faded from his cheeks. Daniel Russo, my stiff backed, uptight boss, is back in the room. But mystraightboss? That, all of a sudden, is up for debate, but it’s not one he wants to have if the hard set of his face is anything to go by.
Too fucking bad.
“So, are you really gay? Or bi? Or—”
“Of course I’m not.”
The force in his voice makes me flinch.
“No,” he says, a little softer this time. “What just happened, it was an aberration and it’s best we both forget it. Alcohol and opportunity, that’s all.”
“You had one pint.”
I’m an aberration, something to be put aside for the bad decision he thinks I am. Maybe he’s right, maybe he’s not gay or bi or anything other than just another curious straight guy who took a chance when it was handed to him. Suddenly and crushingly, I don’t care. It’s him who has to deal with who and what he is, if he’s anything at all.
The day’s tumbling down on my shoulders. I’m tired and angry and upset, and more than a little bit confused. All I want to do is bury myself under the duvet, curl up into a tight ball, and forget everything about this day and this man. But I’ve got one final parting shot before I turn my back on him.
“Are you really so sure? Because let me tell you, Daniel, you didn’t kiss me like there was anyof course I’m notabout it.”
