Page 48 of Out of the Shadows
DANIEL
“Hello handsome.” Geraldine plants a kiss on my cheek before she settles down at the table with me. “You’re looking very rugged.”
“We got back today from the team building.”
She rolls her eyes. “How ghastly, but you clearly survived.”
We’re in a basement bar, one we often went to when we were a couple. Later, there will be live music, but it’s too early for that and for now it’s the perfect place to talk. I pour her a glass of wine from the bottle I’ve got waiting.
“Just what the doctor ordered. The last few days have been hellish.” She leans in slightly and peers at me. “From the look of you, your’s haven’t been much better. What’s up? And don’t say nothing, because you’ve got that pinched look around your eyes.”
“You know me better than I know myself a lot of the time.”
Our eyes meet for a second before I look away. I needed to talk, still need to, but now we’re here I don’t know if I have the courage. Because how can I talk to Geraldine about this, whateverthisis, and expect her to understand?
I force myself to look at her. She’s a beautiful woman and any man would thank his lucky stars to be with her, yet for us that ship has long since sailed. Intelligent, intuitive, and compassionate, my former fiancée is also my best and closest friend. She’s been my confidante, my sounding board, the one who so often has pointed out a clear path through the woods when all I’ve been able to see is a wall of trees. I squeeze my eyes closed and pinch the bridge of my nose. My mouth has been sandblasted, my throat’s gravel because I don’t know where or if I can begin.
Geraldine lays a hand on mine. It’s cool and steady and I open my eyes to meet hers.
“Tell me. If nothing else, we were always able to talk to each other.”
I nod, but have to take a quick drink before I start.
“Do you remember me telling you about Cosmo, the guy I sacked years ago but who’s now working for me?”
“Yes, of course I remember. The cute guy who turned up at The Breaker’s Yard with some friends. The one you couldn’t tear your eyes from.”
“What? I—”
“I think it’s time you told me, don’t you?” Geraldine’s voice is gentle and coaxing.
And I do. I tell her about the kiss and in telling her that, I tell her about myself.
“I’ve been wondering for some time when you’d be ready to talk to me about this, or something similar.” She takes a sip of her drink keeping her eyes on me over the rim of her glass.
My stomach lurches as my heart does a pole vault.
“What do you mean?” It’s a stupid, pointless question.
Geraldine leans forward. “Daniel. My darling. It’s what you will always be to me, no matter what. But, our time together as a couple wasn’t exactly a triumph. Or not from a romantic point of view. We hardly lit up the sky, did we?”
Our sex life. Barely breathing to begin with, within a short space of time it was dead and buried.
“We were always so busy, both of us. I spent every hour running my company, you were always in court, fighting case after case. We could go for weeks and barely see each other.” It’s a weak argument but it’s the only one I’ve got.
“Yes, we were busy, insanely so, but isn’t everybody? Daniel, it was so much more than that. We were friends long before we were lovers, although I don’t think either of us can really claim to have been that. We fell into being engaged, because we were both more than a little bit lonely. Plus it was expedient — all those business functions we had to attend, they were so much easier for both of us with a partner.”
“You are never expedient.” Her words have winded me. I never want her to think she was some kind of easy fix. We may have failed as a couple but we never failed as friends.
“Not as good and close friends, no, but our engagement was. It was the easy route, for both of us. We were the golden couple, until we weren’t. But this isn’t about us and what we were, this is about you and now.” She leans back in her chair, and tilts her head to the side. “So, you kissed a guy and you liked it, or however the song goes. And did you like it because it was a guy, or because it was Cosmo?”
“I — I don’t know.”
“Don’t you?” she asks quietly.
I shove my fingers through my hair and squeeze tight. I called her to talk, so why stall now?
“It was because it was him.”
