Page 51 of Out of the Shadows
“Cosmo, I think we need to clear the air—”
“It is clear. You cleared it, remember?”
So much for being sensible, adult and mature.
Fuck this.
I’m tired, my ankle’s screaming out for more pain numbing drugs, the low level headache that’s been bugging me all day has turned into a pounding jackhammer. I’m as far from sensible, adult and mature as you can get.
“You made it very clear what your views were, just as you made it clear you regard yourself as a straight man.”
His lips are pressed tight and a deep frown furrows his brow. Whatever promises I made to myself to be cool and professional, and to give him no reason to come back at me, it’s all disappearing like water down a plug hole.
“Whatever you call yourself and whatever you believe, that’s up to you to deal with. That’s your problem, not mine. But whatismy problem is thinking I’m some kind of mistake—”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
“That doesn’t wash. One man doesn’t kiss another by accident. If you’ve got questions you need to ask and answer about yourself, you don’t do it with me. If you’re curious, fine, but if you want to try the other side you can rent by the hour for that.”
His eyes widen and his face drains of all colour and I know I’ve gone too far. But I don’t care, in this moment I don’t care about anything other than rattling his cage until his bones shake. History can repeat itself, and he can sack me on the spot because right here and now, I don’t care about anything other than not letting him have the last word on this.
I push past him, with my rapidly dwindling energy and dignity, but he grabs me by the arm and pulls me back.
“It shouldn’t have happened, I stand by that, but it wasn’t a mistake.”
Whatever I expect from him, it isn’t this. I catch my breath and it takes me a moment to answer.
“Then if it wasn’t a mistake, what was it?” My words come out rough and shaky, my brain’s racing but it’s too fast for me to catch up.
“I don’t know. It’s what I’m trying to figure out.” His lips tilt up in a faint and uncertain smile. There are shadows under his eyes. Like me, he’s worn out and tired and I know he’s not slept, either.
“When you have maybe then we can talk, but not before. Goodnight, Daniel.”
I look down at his hand, wrapped around my wrist. Without a word, he releases me. Moments later I close the door on him, more unsure than ever and not knowing where it leaves me, if it leaves me anywhere at all.
