Page 60 of Out of the Shadows
I doubt if Cosmo has ever givenbeing too noseya second thought. It’s a question I’m asked a lot, and I have a stock answer, but it’s not the one I’m going to give Cosmo.
“You’ve already answered your own question.”
Cosmo tilts his head, his gaze filled with curiosity.
“I didn’t just work hard, I worked myself into the ground. I got ulcers, and started having heart palpitations. I wasn’t just a workaholic, I was a work junkie.”
“Couldn’t you have delegated more?”
“I tried, but the company was my baby… The heart thing, it was a wake up call. My maternal grandfather, the sheep farmer—”
“Sheep wrangler.”
I smile. “The very same. He worked every hour god sent, and more. He dropped down dead of a massive heart attack when he was in his early fifties. I didn’t want to follow in his footsteps. It wasn’t an easy decision, and I discussed it with those whose judgement I trusted. Once I decided to sell, I felt so much better. I made plans to do all the things I’d wanted to but never had the time or energy for because everything I had I poured into the business.”
“And did you do them?”
“No.” I huff. “I told myself I was going to travel more, see the world beyond hotel bedrooms and company boardrooms. Take up hobbies. Learn to play golf—”
“Oh, god. I can’t see you in tartan patternedslacksand banging on about scoring an otter.”
“Birdie, I think you mean.” Cosmo grins at me, and I tut. “But no, neither could I. Truth was, a few months out of the rat race and I was bored, so I put the word around that I was open to consultancy work. The offers flooded in, and haven’t stopped. I can pick and choose, name my price, reclaim the buzz that always drove me but not have the stress of it being my company. I work hard, and I love pulling a business back on track, but then I walk away.”
“And then what?”
“Start the next contract.”
“Hmm. I get not learning golf, or doing jigsaw puzzles, or growing roses. But travel? I’d have been straight on board the luxury liner and drinking cocktails with the captain. You didn’t do any travelling?”
“Not really. I’ve a house in the Italian Alps, and I went there for a few weeks. Did some walking, and skiing at the start of the season. I had the time and money but not the inclination. Geraldine and I weren’t together at that point, not that she would have taken the time out from her career and I wouldn’t have been able to blame her for that, but I didn’t want to do it on my own.”
I look down at the remains of the food on my plate. It sounds like such a sad little confession.
Cosmo’s hand settles on mine. I jump, but he doesn’t seem to notice.
“Yes, I know what you mean about not wanting to do certain things on your own. I went travelling with my friend Freddie, when we were at uni, and had a great time. But I also went on a big trip on my own, to the States for three months. Freddie couldn’t go because of other commitments so it was just me. I thought I’d be fine, because I’m hardly a wilting wallflower am I?” He laughs but looks away when I catch his eye. “I don’t regret the experience, but it was just me and it was lonely I suppose. Nobody to turn around to and say,look at this, look at that.I think there are some big life moments which are meant to be shared.”
I give his hand a gentle squeeze, and I open my mouth to say something because what he’s told me deserves to have something said about it, when I see the waiter making a beeline for us; I remove my hands and sit back, tucking them onto my lap.
In the shadowy lamplight Cosmo’s frown is barely there before it’s gone, but I notice it all the same. I want to grab his hand back, but the moment’s passed as the waiter asks about desserts and coffee. We look at each other and shake our heads, and it’s not long before the bill arrives.
Cosmo goes to pick it up but I’m quicker than him.
“I asked you out on a date, remember, which means I pick up the tab.”
If I’m expecting some sharp remark from him I’m mistaken as all he does is answer with a smile and a simple thank you.
Minutes later we’re outside on the chilly street and staring at each other, and I have no idea if the evening is at an end or whether it’s only just beginning.
