Page 78 of Out of the Shadows
Just say it, just get it out in the open…
“You look miles away, and unusually serious.”
Daniel’s back in his seat and staring at me, a light frown marking his forehead.
Now’s my chance, he’s handing it to me on a plate. But now the opportunity’s in front of me, I’m not quite sure how to broach it.
“Cosmo?” Daniel’s eyes are intent, and his voice quiet. I swallow.
“I need to talk to you. About us.” I blurt the words out. This issonot how I imagined broaching the subject.
Daniel’s face has gone blank, his blue eyes cool and difficult to read.
“So what is this? A Dear John moment?”
“What? No! No, nothing like that at all.” I’d like to hold his hands.
I’d like to lean in and place my palm on his cheek. I’d like to kiss him. They’re all the things I’d like to do and, honestly, have never thought twice about, but I know he’d be uncomfortable. And that’s the problem.
“We’ve been invited to a party. James and his fiancée Perry have named their wedding day.”
“We?”
He’s already got me pinned down. “Well, strictly speaking, I’ve been invited. But I want you to come with me.”
Yes, the invite has come to me, for me, because James doesn’t know about me and Daniel. Neither does Freddie. Two men I love to bits, who have both been with me through all the good, the bad, and the ugly that’s come my way, neither of them knows about us. And that bothers me. A lot.
Come with me, as my boyfriend, lover, partner.I could pick any one of those words but I don’t because I want him to fill in the blanks.
“I’m not sure.”
“What are you not sure about?” I keep my voice level. I need to be calm and handle this the right away.
“Cosmo, I’m not sure if I’m ready to do this.”
“What? Not sure you’re ready to meet my cousin? What do you think he’s going to say to you? What judgement is he going to make? He’s set a date to marry a man who’s half his age, so he’s in no place to judge.”
“It’s not about being judged—”
“Isn’t it?”
His hand finds the back of his neck, a sign I’ve come to know so well.
My stomach’s turning over, and it feels like I’ve a bowling ball stuck in my throat. This isn’t how I wanted this to go. I don’t want to but I’ve got no option other than to ask the question burning on my lips.
“Are you ashamed? Are you ashamed of who you are? Are you ashamed of me? Of us?”
His head snaps up. There’s heat and anger in his eyes, and I’m reminded of that day five years ago when all his fury was unleashed on me. It’s everything I can do not to press myself into the back of the chair.
“Ashamed? Is that what you really think?”
He’s glaring hard at me but I suck in a deep breath, and refuse to wilt under the heat of his spotlight. But I need to calm this down, I need to calmhimdown.
“I get keeping everything under wraps at work. Our relationship is no one’s business but ours, but I understand it could be awkward and potentially compromising if anybody found out. I get all the arguments, Daniel. For god’s sake, I’m not that stupid.” I laugh in a vain attempt to break the tension.
Anger still sparks in his eyes, but the flame is now a smoking ember. But I’m still in dangerous territory and I have to tread carefully, but tread is exactly what I’m determined to do.
“The party, it means a lot to me. James isn’t just my cousin. He was my rock and safe place when my parents’ marriage fell apart. So it’s important to me to go but it’s also important you come with me.” I hold his gaze, refusing to look away. “I understand the work situation, I’ve already said. But outside? That’s different. I’m not trying to push you to do the whole meet the family thing, because let me tell you, you really wouldn’t want to meet most of them. But this is something else. It’s not just James who will be there, but Freddie too. Both of them mean so much to me, and it’s because of that I want you to meet them.”
