Page 92 of Out of the Shadows
“I wanted to put the invite to you, even though I wasn’t expecting you to say yes. I’m not so sure I want to go, myself.”
His lips curve downwards but before I can ask why he doesn’t want to be with his cousin and best friend, he drops a bombshell.
“I was hoping, or rather I’d assumed, we’d spend it together. Obviously I should have checked beforehand.”
He flings the duvet away, jumping out of bed and knocking the box of mince pies to the floor where they lay unheeded.
“Cosmo…” But the door to the en-suite has already closed.
Well done Russo. Well fucking done.
Through the closed door the shower springs into life and I make my way over. I could slip in with him, show him how sorry I am… The door’s locked.
I pull on my jeans and a T-shirt, and sit on the bed waiting for him to emerge. When he does he reaches straight for the clothes he abandoned last night, which are lying in a heap on the floor.
“Cosmo, we need to talk about this.”
He looks at me, clutching his clothes to his chest as if they’re some sort of armour. His expression’s closed off. He’s naked, but it’s me who’s exposed.
“You don’t want to go, and I get it. But maybe I could come with you? Maybe I could meet your parents? I promise to be polite, keep my mouth closed when I eat, and not talk about the G word.”
“Oh, come on—”
He swings round, presenting me with his back as he quickly scrambles into his clothes. I get up and go to him, pulling him round to face me; he pushes my arms away.
“So you go to your family, and I do whatever. We go our separate ways and act as if we don’t exist to each other.”
“That’s not how it is and you know it.”
“Isn’t it?”
His glare sends a spike of anger rushing through me.
“No, Cosmo, it isn’t. Freddie and Elliot, and Perry — I like them, but I don’t know them. As for James, he made it very clear he had reservations about me. Do you think I didn’t notice? That would really be a great Christmas, wouldn’t it?”
“If James wasn’t okay about you being invited, believe me you wouldn’t be. I don’t care where I go, but what I do care about is us being together. Is that too much to ask?”
“For god’s sake Cosmo, see it from my point of view. My parents are elderly and my dad’s got health issues. All my life, he was a big strong bear of a man, but now he’s so frail and a shadow of himself. They both took it badly when I told them Geraldine and I had split up because they’ve known her almost as long as I have. Over the years, I lost count how often they talked about what a wonderful wife she’d make, what a wonderful daughter-in-law. With all that, do you really think they know about me? If I turn up with you, a man who’s half my age, and say,hi Mum, hi Dad, meet my boyfriend because by the way your only son has discovered he’s gay, what kind of Christmas do you reckon that’s going to be?”
“One where you have to tell them the truth about yourself. I told you, didn’t I, you never stop coming out.”
“And I told you, I’d be doing this slowly and under my own steam. I walk to the beat of my own drum, Cosmo. Do you remember what you told me in the café? That I don’t have to wave a rainbow flag around? But isn’t that exactly what you’re trying to force me to do? I’ve got other people to think of, other people to consider. You might think I should be shouting from the rooftops that this is me, this is who I am, but I’m not yet prepared to do that. Not yet. I’ll jump when I’m ready, but I won’t be pushed.”
“And in the meantime? I’m just your dirty little secret.”
I stare at him. I can’t believe he’s saying this.
“You’re not, and you know it.” I take a deep breath, and wait a second or two I continue.“Cosmo, don’t back me into a corner. Please? I’m going to see my parents. My elderly parents, which includes a father who’s been seriously ill for the last year and with all the odds stacked against him that he won’t be seeing next Christmas.”
“I didn’t know about him being unwell, why didn’t you—?”
“No, you didn’t. I don’t talk about it, because when I do it…” I shake my head and swallow hard. “My life’s complicated enough. We’ve only been together for weeks, not years. They’ve been some of the best weeks in my life—”
“Only some?”
“They’ve been all right, I suppose.”
His lips quirk in a small smile, and the hard light in his eyes relents.
