Page 93 of Out of the Shadows
“Cosmo, we’re talking two or three days, that’s all. This doesn’t have to be a full-scale showdown between us. I’ll be back in good time for New Year and we can celebrate then, on our own or with others, it’s up to you. Whatever you want, we’ll be together. But this year, for Christmas, I’ve got other responsibilities and I need you to understand that.”
He flops down on the bed, shoulders sagging as though all the fight’s gone out of him.
“I’m sorry.” He looks up at me. “I get it, now I know about your dad. You love him and want to keep things easy for him, but because you love him it’s all the more reason for telling him who his son really is.”
He huffs out a long breath, his cheeks golf balling, and when he looks up at me there’s a sad, twisted smile on his lips.
“I come from a family where lies and secrets are seen as standard behaviour, just like brushing your teeth each morning—no.” He holds up his hand when I try to interrupt. “I’m not accusing you of deliberately lying to your parents, but I am accusing you of keeping a secret you don’t need to. If I know about anything, it’s that secrets are like a sickness. They eat and destroy everything. Secrets and lies were the cancer that destroyed my family.”
“What do you—?”
He shakes his head. “Just listen, okay?”
He waits for my nod of agreement before he continues.
“My dad, he’d disappear, sometimes weeks on end. Working abroad, I was told. I believed it, until it all came spewing out that he was with his mistress and their kids. My mum’s committed relationship with the wine aisle in the supermarket, and the nightly bottle she told herself and everybody else was just to help her sleep better. And there was my own experience of being a secret, with Leon. I told you how that exploded in my face.” He shrugs. “I’m an expert in knowing what secrets and lies can do, and the only way to stop the infection is to be open and honest. But like you say, they’re your parents so it’s your call and not mine.”
“Oh, Cosmo. I’m sorry.”
I brush aside the dark, damp hank of hair that’s fallen over his brow. It explains so much, but his parents aren’t like mine.
“Because my own family veers from being a shit show to the worst OTT soap opera, I kind of assume most people’s are the same.” His eyes meet mine, his gaze defiant yet sad, and my heart clenches and twists. “So you see why being told no like that, when I suggested I come with you…”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I didn’t handle it very well. But my parents aren’t like that. Not all families are.”
“I know. But will I ever get to meet them? I’d like to.”
“You will, I promise. But not quite yet. Let me handle my family my own way.” I cup my palm to his face, and he nuzzles into my touch.
“Are they evil and terrible homophobes who’ll throw you out into the snow and tell you never to darken their doorstep again?”
I can’t help laughing. He smiles up at me; his eyes are brighter but there’s still a hint of shadow. This is better, not great, but it’s better.
“No. They’re decent and loving people. But I want to prepare the ground. Okay?”
Cosmo hesitates for a second before he nods. “Okay. Look, I’m going to head off home.”
“So no Christmas shopping? If you really want to go—”
“No, like you say, it’s all a bit soon.”
He’s getting dressed, getting ready to leave.
“You don’t have to go. Stay here, with me.”
“Got some things to do.”
A few strides take him to the door. He turns towards me, his hand on the handle.
“So, will I see you tonight?”
“Of course you will.”
He smiles and nods and then he’s gone, his feet pummelling down the stairs. A moments later the front door slams closed, leaving me alone in my silent, empty house.
