Page 74 of Animal Instincts
Materially, yes. You were generous, I’ll never deny that. But you were mean and miserly where it really mattered…
Was he selfish where Joss was concerned? Was he reeling him in, stifling his ambition to experience more from life? Was he slowly suffocating him? Joss might not want to travel the world, but he’d wanted to travel beyond the boundaries of Love’s Harbour.
Selfish. What other word was there, when Joss wanted to spread his wings, and he only wanted to clip them?
THIRTY-NINE
“Sorry, what was that?” Oliver looked up from his dinner. Half the food was gone, but he didn’t remember eating it.
“I asked, are you okay? You seem a bit…” Joss frowned, as though grappling for the words he needed. “Distracted. Or preoccupied. I’m never sure which is correct. Ever since Spencer and Donald turned up out of the blue. Not surprising, I suppose, but at least they’ve gone now and are out of our lives for good, and that’s what matters, isn’t it?”
Oliver didn’t answer as Joss pushed his plate aside; like Oliver’s, more had been left than eaten.
It had been a stilted, quiet dinner, after a stilted, quiet day. At least between the two of them. They’d been busy, with barely time to breathe, but when the clients had left with their pets, awkward silence had fallen between them. He’d seen Joss look at him, confusion clouding his eyes. And what had he done? He’d turned away, but he couldn’t do that any longer.
Joss gathered together the plates and went to get up, but Oliver caught him by the wrist.
“Leave that. I want to talk to you, about your training and getting going with your career.”
Joss brightened, the first time Oliver had seen a real smile on his face all day. Oliver’s stomach ground down and he swallowed as his gut threatened to reject what little he’d eaten.
“I’ve been thinking about it, too, and wanted to ask — although I might be running before I can walk — if I can perhaps be of more help with some of the minor procedures? I know that might be more for veterinary nurses, and perhaps just working in the practice for a couple of days a week is an issue. Unless, maybe, there’s a chance to work more days? Not that I want to put you on the spot, but…” Joss’ enthusiastic chatter faded and died. “What, exactly, do you want to talk to me about? It sounds a bit ominous, if I’m honest. Look, I’m sorry if what I said is kind of getting above myself, about working more days with you and taking on a larger role. I know I’m still inexperienced and I get it, honestly I do, so—”
“No, it’s not that.” Had it only been days since he was going to ask Joss to come and work full time with him? It felt like a lifetime ago. Oliver cleared his throat. “It’s good you have ambition and drive to do more.” The words were battery acid burning through Oliver’s gut.
“Oh, right. Okay. Is this about you paying for the course? You know I never expected it.” The light of a false understanding shone in Joss’ eyes. “I can pay for it myself, in instalments, so it’s not a problem—”
“No, it’s not that. Paying for the course was never an issue. I said I would, and I’ll keep that promise, but… Look just listen to me. Please.”
Oliver let Joss go, a spasm of guilt going through him when he saw the red imprint of his hand on Joss’ wrist.
The table they’d sat at so many times, chatting and smiling into each other’s eyes, now felt vast and unbridgeable.
“Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like what’s coming? What is it you’re having trouble saying to me?”
Joss’ voice was rough and unsteady, but there was a directness to his questions, confronting Oliver without being confrontational.
“You’ll make a fine assistant, and an even better vet nurse. You’re a natural. The clients like you, the animals respond well—”
“I’m glad you think so, but it’s not got much to do with what you want to talk to me about, has it?”
Joss’ eyes were lasers and Oliver wanted to cringe away from them, but he owed it to Joss to be as direct as Joss was being with him.
“It’s got everything to do with it. This practice, it’s small. I’m just a one man band, and I don’t want to expand beyond that. I can’t give you the level of experience you need—”
“I can get all the experience I need working here, enough to do the qualification. You know it.”
“It’s not just about the work experience—”
“Then what is it?”
Oliver hesitated. The words he didn’t want to say, but had to for Joss’ sake.
“I’m talking about your plans and ambitions. About you wanting to live a different life, somewhere different. It’s why you came here in the first place, to get the experience to propel you forward. And I can help your ambitions become a reality. I’ve got plenty of good contacts all over the country. London, Liverpool, Manchester, and so many other places.”
“What?” Joss stared, his brow ridged and furrowed in confusion. “Are you asking me to leave my job here? Because that’s what it sounds like.” Redness stained Joss’ cheeks, his hazel eyes darkening with mounting incredulity. “If I’ve done anything wrong, or made mistakes—”
“No, you’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve been an amazing asset to the practice—”
