Page 75 of Animal Instincts
Joss snorted. “To the practice. Is that all I’ve been? An asset to thepractice?”
“You’ve been so much more. Way more than you could ever know.”
Oliver covered Joss’ hands, lying still on the table, and held them tight. Staring down at them, he wanted to grab back the words he’d already said, and swallow down those he had yet to say.
Am I doing the right thing…?The question ripped through him as his resolve wavered. But he couldn’t waver, because he needed to do this not for him, but for Joss. He needed not to be selfish.
“You were so sure about what you wanted. About leaving the village, and making a life somewhere else. But now that’s all changed, it’s all been turned on its head, and it’s because of me. I’m the one stopping you from realising your ambitions, Joss, and I don’t want to hold you back. If you stay working here with me, that’s what will happen. You might not realise it now, but in a year or two, you might wonder—”
“If I’ve made a mistake? Is that what you mean?” Joss pulled his hands out from under Oliver’s. “You were the one who said I was ready to start formal training. Or have you forgotten? I don’t understand your sudden—” Joss ground to a halt. His eyes widened as though it was all slotting into place.
Sickness churned in Oliver’s gut, and bitter bile coated his throat.
“This is about Spencer’s sudden appearance, isn’t it? I get it was a shock, after everything that happened. Fuck, it was a shock for me, walking in and finding the two of them. What did he say that’s made you go cold on me working with you, or…”
Blood drained from Joss’ face, leaving his skin pallid and waxy looking. His eyes dulled, as though a fire had been doused.
Oliver’s heart thundered, erratic and out of control. He reached for Joss’ hands, but Joss snatched them away.
“You saw him again, didn’t you?” Joss’ voice was hardly even a whisper, but the accusation was deafening. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why was it such a secret?”
“Yes, he did come back, just him. He—”
“He what? And what did he say to you? No, don’t tell me because I think I can take a pretty good guess. Did he tell you he’d made a terrible mistake and you really are the love of his life? Donald’s not exactly every boy’s pulsing hot fantasy, is he? Reckon I’d be less than happy climbing into bed with him every night.”
“Joss, please.”
“Please what?”
Oliver flinched as Joss jumped up, sending his chair toppling backwards.
“You’re not denying it, Oliver. You’re not denying a fucking word. Is that because you want to give him a second chance? Is that what you want? To be with the man who lied and cheated, and screwed your best friend behind your back? This crap you’re giving me about me not getting the experience I need working with you is just a smokescreen.”
“No! There’s no way I would ever want anything to do with him again. Just the thought of him makes me feel sick.”
Oliver leapt up and stepped towards Joss, but Joss stumbled back, his arms thrust out as though to ward Oliver off.
“What do you expect me to think, Oliver? He rocks up, starts whispering in your ear and, all of a sudden, you decide you’re going to talk to your contacts and pack me off to somewhere I can fulfil all my plans and ambitions. I can do all that here, in Love’s Harbour. With you. I thought it was what you wanted, but Mr. Slick Spencer turns up, and suddenly everything’s blown out of the water. You say you don’t want him back. I want to believe you, but right now I’m honestly not sure—”
“If you believe anything about me, believe that.” Oliver pushed the words out through gritted teeth. There was no way he’d ever want Spencer within a million miles of him; he recoiled from the man, but it didn’t make what Spencer said about Joss being confined and constricted wrong.
“But how can I when in just a couple or so days everything’s changed? What did he say that’s caused you to suddenly question everything? You know he’s a liar and a cheat. You know he’s ruthless — he moved on from you when he reckoned he could get more out of Donald.”
Oliver winced. Joss’ words were sharp and wounding, but they were also right. He’d lavished Spencer with so much, but he hadn’t given him what he’d truly wanted. He hadn’t fed his ambition, so he’d coldly, callously, turned to a man who would.
“Yes, I wanted to make a new life for myself.”
Joss began to pace the kitchen, and Oliver watched every step.
“I never made a secret of wanting something else, somewhere else — even though Declan warned me about the grass not always being greener — but I was willing to take the risk. But then you happened, Oliver. You gave me the chance I was chasing. But it wasn’t just about working with the animals, and a career. It was about working with you, it was about us and what I thought was…” Joss stopped pacing and stared at Oliver. “What I thought was happening between us.” The catch in Joss’ voice ground a hole in Oliver’s heart. “But how ambitions play out can change. Didn’t I tell you that?”
“Yes, but—”
“Then why won’t you believe me? If I want to fulfil them here, shouldn’t that be my choice? Whatever Spencer said, he’s poisoned you.”
“I know what Spencer’s capable of. But it wasn’t just what he said that’s made me think that staying here isn’t in your best interests—”
“You don’t have the right to decide what my best interests are. Only I have that. You’re my best interest, Oliver. You. And I thought I was yours.”
