Page 78 of Animal Instincts
Joss gawped. “I can’t believe you just said all that. He was offering me all I ever wanted, and now he’s grabbed it back under some pretext of freeing me.”
“Like I said, I’m not impressed with the way he’s gone about handling the situation, but maybe he thinks it’s all you wantnow.What about in six months’ time? A year? Two years?”
Joss started. Hadn’t Oliver said the same thing? That at some point, he’d look around himself and wonder why he’d stayed. Why did the two people who meant more to him than any others have so little faith in him?
“I know it’s hard for you to hear, but in the blink of an eye you’ve turned just about everything you always said you wanted on its head. Two different people who have no connection with each other have said almost the same thing. Why wouldn’t he stop and think? As much as you don’t want to hear me say it, my love, in some ways I think he’s right.
“The ambitions you held to try out life beyond the village were good — shows you’ve got spirit and a sense of independence. People of your age should have horizons, be ready and open to embrace new actual as well as spiritual experiences.”
Joss blinked hard. She was right, he didn’t want to hear any of this… But,what?Spiritual experiences?What the…?
Joss groaned. “Gran, have you been watching that dodgy TV channel again?”
Gran huffed. “If you mean Madam Varda’s Guide to Spiritual and Emotional Growth, then yes. She recently had a special on aboutYoung People.” Gran peered hard at Joss as she said it. “You might laugh, but she speaks a lot of sense, so just listen for a moment.
“I like your vet, I like him very much. I think I’ve made that more than clear. But he’s established in his career. You’re not. He’s a man who’s had experience of life, and will have a better idea of what he wants from it. You, I’m not so sure.”
Joss opened his mouth, ready to counter argue, but Gran held her hand up.
“I asked you to listen. Whatever’s been said, by whoever, has made him step back and think. You’re young, Joss, and Oliver realises that. You may think at twenty-two you’re sure and know all the answers, but I’ve been around a lot longer than you, and I beg to differ. I really don’t like saying what Oliver’s done makes sense, because I know you’re upset and confused, but in many ways I think it does.”
“I don’t understand. You say how much you like him, but at the same time you’re determined me and Oliver shouldn’t be together.”
“I like him a lot, but it’s you I love, and what I’m saying is out of love. And it’s not about you not being together, but is now really the right time for you?”
Gran sighed as she looked down at her hands resting on the table, and twisted the plain wedding ring she wore.
“When I was your age, I’d already been married to your grandad for a couple of years. Getting wed young, it was what everybody did. Life was very hemmed in, the opportunities weren’t around like they are today. But if I’d had the chance to go somewhere else, do and be somebody different if only for a while, I’d have taken it like a shot.”
Joss’ jaw dropped. He’d never guessed his gran had had ambitions beyond the village she’d been born and brought up in.
“You’ve never said—”
“Maybe because it was all a long time ago. But if my life hadn’t been what it was — and it’s been a good life on the whole so don’t you go thinking it hasn’t been — if I had left for a while and made other choices, then you wouldn’t be here and I’ve never regretted for a single day that you are. But there are opportunities and choices ready and waiting for you, and Oliver realises it too, no matter how he’s got to that point.”
“But what if my choice is him, Gran?” A choice that had been snatched away…
Another little piece of Joss’ heart cracked.
“You could come home at weekends, I suppose. What do they call them? Long distance relationships. I’ve heard they can work.”
Joss glanced up at his gran; she didn’t look or sound very convinced about it working.
He shook his head, and stared down at the old, scarred table. Scarred, like his heart.
“You say what he’s done makes sense,” Joss said quietly. “But it doesn’t. He — we — were fine, more than fine. Everything felt good and solid, and for once in my life I felt like all the missing pieces were slotting into place and that I really belonged. And then suddenly, this crap. Spencer, whispering god knows what. Gary telling me I’ve condemned myself to a living death by staying here.”
“What’s it been, two or three days since this all happened with Oliver?”
Joss nodded.
“And you never thought to tell me any of it before today?”
Joss looked up, and met his gran’s steady stare.
“I was embarrassed. I—I feel like such a failure, even though I know there’s no reason for me to think like that.”
“You’re not a failure, Joss. Never think that. Have you seen him since, or spoken?”
