Page 83 of Animal Instincts
Joss turned his phone off and shoved it in his pocket. His fingers brushed over a scrunched up piece of paper, and he tugged it out.
Open Mic Night2.Saturday, at The Fisherman’s Arms. Tonight. The flyer fell to the floor and he didn’t bother picking it up, because he had no interest in going.
With nothing to do, the day stretched out before him. He should have spoken to Beryl, at Baps ’n’ Buns, or some of the other places crowded around the harbour front. Maybe he should have spoken to Ryan about some casual shifts in the pub, but… He hadn’t. He’d been exhausted since—well, just since—and either snappy and short tempered, or as limp as a wet lettuce. But there was no point in asking around for work, because he was going to move heaven and hell to get the job in Nottingham.
The problem was, Joss wasn’t even sure if he wanted it. Despite everything he told himself, he didn’t know what he wanted, not anymore. His lips twisted in a sour smile. But that wasn’t true, was it?
A scratch and a whimper jerked him out of his muddled thoughts, and he pushed himself up. At least there was someone who wanted him.
Joss opened the door, and Bingo darted in and stood up on his stubby back legs, and pawed at Joss. The little dog had been out of sorts in the last handful of days, unsettled yet needy. A bit like himself, Joss reckoned.
“Come on, boy. Let’s give each other a cuddle, shall we? I think we both need it.”
Bingo snuggled into him, and Joss buried his face in the dog’s rough fur, breathing in deep his warm, familiar scent.
“Oh, boy, I’m going to miss you when I go. You’ll look after Gran for me, won’t you?”
Bingo whimpered and snuggled closer. Joss’ tears came, hot and violent and loud. His whole body shook as the disaster of his life tumbled down on him.
“It’s such a fucking mess but it didn’t have to be. Why did he do it, Bingo? Why did he decide he didn’t want me, didn’t—didn’t love me? Because I loved him, I just didn’t have the nerve to tell him.”
Joss pulled his face from the dog’s fur, and blinked down at him through out of focus, wet vision.
“He wouldn’t listen to me. And I tried, I really did. But he’d made his mind up, I could see it in his eyes. He believed he knew what I wanted more than I do, but he was wrong, boy, he was so bloody wrong.”
Joss sniffed, and ran his hand over his face, wiping away his tears. Bingo cocked his head to the side, his big brown eyes as soft and soulful as they ever were.
“If only you were human, eh? And had all your teeth and didn’t decide peeing on the carpet’s fun. Come on, let’s go for a walk. Just you and me, because we don’t need anybody else, do we?”
* * *
The wind was sharp as it rolled in off the Atlantic. Clouds scudded across the sky, plunging the land into shadow then back into brilliant sunshine. It was as typical an early summer’s day as it was possible to get in the West Country.
Joss had reached High Top by coming the long way around, avoiding going through the village. So what if he wasn’t feeling sociable?
He hadn’t set out to walk the low hill, yet somehow he’d found himself heading that way. He’d debated turning around and making for one of the other dozens and dozens of walks he could do, but a flash of obstinacy and something that felt a little like pride, had taken hold of him. Joss had walked this path since he’d been a kid. So what if for a short time it had become his and Oliver’s, their favourite early evening walk after a day working together?
There were a few people in the distance, but otherwise he and Bingo were on their own. At the crown of the hill Joss flopped down onto the short, tough grass, and lay back as Bingo snuffled around. The wind had dropped a little and the sun came out from behind a cloud. Closing his eyes, he let his mind drift… The job… It was everything he’d always wanted… He was back on plan… It was what he’d wanted just a few months ago, he could make himself want it again…
“Thought it was you.”
Joss’ eyes snapped open. For a moment he didn’t know where he was, or who loomed above him, nothing more than a silhouette against the sky. Pushing himself up on to his elbows, wakefulness came back to him as he blinked and stared up at Declan.
“I saw Bingo first.” Declan nodded to Bingo, a couple of feet away, and licking his balls. “Wish I could do that.” Declan dropped down on the ground next to Joss.
“Ask him, he’s not fussy.”
Declan snorted. “I’m sorry. About you and Oliver.”
Joss shrugged, avoiding Declan’s blue-eyed gaze.
“So am I.”
Declan pulled him in with a muscly arm, as he’d done so many times before, and Joss surrendered himself to his friend’s warm, solid embrace.
“The man’s a fool, he doesn’t realise what he’s done.”
“That’s just the thing, he does realise. He had it all worked out, how he was doing it for me. It’s like I’m a kid, who doesn’t know his own mind.” Joss shrugged. “It’s over. Maybe he’s done me a favour. I’ve got an interview on Monday, in Nottingham. It’s perfect.”
