Page 30 of Daddy's Christmas Elf
“No, Eli. It’s how I am. It’s who I am.” Grey sat back, taking all this warmth with him.
Eli’s hands itched to pull him back, telling him to screw the line because lines were meant to be crossed, but the resolute set to Grey’s face had Eli balling them into tight fists.
Decent, when all he wanted was to getindecent… But wasn’t it Grey’s decency that made him the man he was?
Eli sagged deeper into the sofa cushions, as deflated as a week-old balloon. His gaze fell on the bags of greenery, leaning next to the ugly Christmas tree. The greenery, the whole reason they’d gone out in the first place.
“Decorations.” Eli nodded to the bags.
“What? No. Not now, not after what you’ve been through.” Grey frowned and shook his head.
Which was nothing to what I’m going through now…
“I’m fine. Honestly.”Such a liar…“I’ll be back in a minute.”
Eli jumped up, biting down on his lower lip to stop himself from wincing, and rushed from the room before Grey could protest, thoughts of decency, care and protection chasing after him.
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
With a heavy heart, Grey watched Eli flee from the living room. He was tempted to run after him and drag him back, pull him into his arms and carry through on the kiss he’d only just about had enough will power to resist.
Grey scrubbed his hands down his face. Resist. He didn’t want to resist, Eli didn’t want to resist, so what was the problem? But he knew what it was. If they’d kissed, if they’d succumbed to so much more — and there was no doubt in Grey’s mind they would have — he would always have the lingering doubt that Eli, deep down, had given himself out of a sense of gratitude and obligation. And Grey could never, ever allow that to happen.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. What was it Peter had said, one of his final shots sent deep into Grey’s heart? Grey wanted to control and take charge, he wanted to smother. And maybe that’s what he did want to do, if taking control and being in charge, and smothering, meant caring and making sure the man in his life was cared for and kept safe. He’d known Eli for no time at all, but already Grey was stepping on that same path, the one Peter had turned away from.
The door opened and Eli slipped inside, and as Grey looked up at him, all he could do was wonder why he’d pulled back.
Eli had got dressed in the clothes they’d chosen together. In dark jeans, and a loose moss green shirt, how Eli could pull off looking relaxed and comfortable Grey had no idea when he was feeling anything but, yet, the slight flush that clung to Eli’s cheeks, through which the shadow of that delicious dark scruff showed, was the only indication of what had happened just minutes before.
Eli picked up one of the bags and stared at it, before he sighed and looked up, his gaze direct as his lips lifted in a small, wry smile.
“You’re probably right about, well, you know.”
“I am.”Am I?
The fire hissed and spat in the hearth, and Grey’s heart hammered out a hard, fast beat.
Probably…
“Yeah. Reckon so. Awkward, you know?” Eli shifted from foot to foot, as he clutched the bag.
“Eli—”
“Let’s get on with it.” Eli pasted a big smile across his face which Grey didn’t believe in at all. “If we’re going to give this room a bit of the old festives we should get started.” Eli emptied the bag of its greenery into a pile on the floor, the action a huge sign that readI don’t want to talk about this anymore.
Grey nodded, not knowing what to say — not that Eli seemed to want him to say anything — as he grabbed the other bag and emptied it next to the pile Eli was sorting through.
They worked in silence for a couple of minutes that felt like hours, bursting with all the awkwardness they were meant to be backing away from.
“You know what we need?” Eli said, breaking the silence.
Grey didn’t trust himself to answer.
“Some carols.”
“What?” Grey looked up. Eli’s gaze was calm and steady but his front teeth, clamped down on his lower lip, showed it up for the illusion it was.
“Carols. Christmas without carols is like sausage without mash. You find a station playing carols and I’ll make a start.”
