Page 48 of Daddy's Christmas Elf
“Like you and Crispin the Juggler?”
Peter tutted,not rising to the bait to turn the burning spotlight away from Grey.
“Yes, like me and Crispin. And like you and Eli. One thing I know about you, Grey, and that is you’re not meant to be alone. You have too much to give, in here.” Peter pressed his hand to Grey’s heart. “If you truly believe you and he have a chance, for god’s sake don’t let it go. We may have run our course, but I’ll always want the best for you. I’ll always be here for you.”
Grey wrapped his arms around the man he’d once loved with all his heart. The burning heat of that love had died away, never to be rekindled, leaving in its place the warmth of fondness and memories of a happier time which were now relegated to the past. Grey pulled back; resting his hands on either side of Peter’s face, he placed a chaste kiss on his forehead.
“Happy Christmas, Peter. I mean it.”
“You too, Grey. Say goodbye to Eli for me. What I’ve just said, think about it.” Peter kissed his fingertips, before pressing them to Grey’s lips. “There you go, sealed with a kiss. See me out, then go and find your cutie.”
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
Closing the door on Grey and Peter, Eli felt sick. Grey’s smile had been warm and bright as he’d spotted his ex-husband, both men having eyes for nobody but each other.
Eli leaned against the door, his legs shaking, as the murmur of their voices drifted through. He didn’t want to hear, he really didn’t, but... It wasn’t Eli’s finest hour, but he didn’t care about that, or dignity, or any of the other arguments that should have sent him into the kitchen, or dining room, or anywhere that was far away from the living room where he’d left Grey and Peter smiling into each other’s eyes.
Eli pressed his ear to the door. Good natured voices, and laughter. Eli’s guts tightened. How could Grey sit and chat, and fucking well laugh with the man who’d walked out on him? They may have been divorced, but what did that have to do with how Grey still felt about the man he’d been with for…
Fifteen years.
Fuck. How could he compete with that? The men who chatted and laughed on the other side of the door, the men who’d smiled at each other as though nobody else existed — okay, likehedidn’t exist — were still bound together by the bonds of a shared life and history the muffled laughter told him he didn’t have. Eli stumbled away, unable to listen to any more.
In the kitchen, Eli collapsed into a chair at the table and let his head fall into his hands. He’d been duped, but he’d been duped by himself, because didn’t Grey still—
Eli’s heart crashed against his ribs, and he licked his dry lips. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath because what was the use of denying it?
Grey still loved Peter.
So what that they were divorced? A scrap of paper didn’t obliterate what Grey still felt for the man who’d been his everything. Eli gulped and his heart turned and twisted as it laughed at him. The way Grey had looked at Peter as though he were the only man in the world, Eli unnoticed on the sidelines as Grey had taken the man he still truly wanted, deep in his heart, into his arms.
“And they’ve only been divorced for six months.” Eli’s whispered words seemed to bounce off the kitchen walls, but there was nobody to hear them other than himself and a small dog who’d forgotten all about him as he’d surrendered himself to Peter, eager to show him he’d not been forgotten, that Peter was still loved. Just as Grey himself had done.
Who was he kidding? There was no great romance, no new beginning, no happy ever after. He snorted and shook his head. He’d wanted to believe so, so much he’d blinded himself to the reality of his position.
Grey was a good and decent man. Eli swallowed hard. Oh, he wanted all that goodness and decency in his life, and all the care, protection and safety a man like Grey could give him. And he could have it, too, for a few days, a few weeks even — until he got himself sorted with a new place to live, until he got himself back on his feet. And then that lifeline Grey had offered would be severed, setting him adrift once more in the turbulent water that was his life. He and Grey were passing ships, it was all they ever were, and Eli had been a fool to believe otherwise.
It was time for him to find shelter in another harbour.
* * *
“What are you doing out here? It’s freezing. And I didn’t know you smoked.”
Eli jumped, and swung around, so caught up in his torrid, turbulent thoughts he’d not heard the door from the kitchen open. Hunching against the cold on the icy patio, he looked down at the cigarette wedged between his fingers. The sudden, urgent need for a hit of nicotine had been all-consuming, and it hadn’t taken long to creep out of the house to go to the shop on the corner. That had been half an hour ago, and the paper was burning low on his third ciggie.
“Yeah. I, erm, I’ve actually given up, but sometimes I get the craving. Filthy habit, though.” He stubbed it out on the scrunched-up packet he pulled from the hip pocket of his jeans, and jammed the dog end inside.
“What’s made you want to smoke again?”
Eli shrugged. “It just happens sometimes.”Like when I’m really, really, really stressed. Like when former husbands turn up out of the blue.“I shouldn’t have lit up, even in the garden.”
“Eli, you can have whatever you want — except money for cigarettes.”
Eli squirmed, and summoned up the courage to look Grey in the eye.
“I’m sorry. I saw your change jar in the kitchen… I shouldn’t have pinched the cash.”
Grey shrugged. “It’s not the money. I just don’t want you buying cigarettes.”
