Page 50 of Daddy's Christmas Elf
Grey stared at the TV screen, seeing nothing, as he on autopilot he ate the sweet treats and sipped the heady winter drink, tasting nothing.
Peter’s unannounced appearance had surprised Grey; it had been like bumping into an acquaintance he’d not seen for a while, somebody to pass the time with and wish them well before moving on. That in itself had been something of a revelation, a sure test that he and Peter were truly over. But, it had been what Peter had said about Eli, his little elf, that had rocked Grey to his core and had occupied every one of his thoughts since.
Grey gazed down at Eli, curled up next to him on the sofa. He’d fallen asleep, and Grey smiled. Eli, bright and breezy with a touch of sass and snark. It was all a mask, because he’d seen the man behind the disguise, stripped bare and vulnerable. And didn’t he just want to wrap his arms around him and protect all that vulnerability against the knocks the world would inflict?
Grey’s lips pressed into a hard line. Would inflict…? No, because hadn’t the world already hit out at Eli? Grey drifted his fingers through Eli’s dark, heavy hair and Eli sighed and pushed into his touch.
“You need looking after, little elf, you need somebody to take the weight and the burden when it gets too much.”
Grey knew he’d been quiet over lunch. He’d been pre-occupied as he’d gone over Peter’s visit, forensically dissecting it as he’d eaten without tasting, his motions automatic and pre-programmed, all the time coming back to what Peter had said, with his knowing smile, just as he’d come back to it over and over as he’d stared unseeing at the TV.You’re not meant to be alone, Grey. You have too much to give, in here… Love comes when it comes… There’s not a timetable. What you feel, and who you feel it for, can’t be regulated and codified.
It must be love.
Grey scrubbed his hands down his face. Eli had found a way into his heart, pressing every single one of the buttons of who Grey was. They both had deep seated needs, one to care, the other to be cared for. But was that truly love?
Love comes when it comes.
Grey jumped and a shiver ran the length of his spine; he swung his head around, half expecting to see Peter behind him, looking down at him with his smile that knew the truth. In the corner Trevor jumped up and growled, his ears pulled back and twitching.
“It’s okay, boy, it’s okay,” Grey said on a shaky breath. Trevor settled, and Grey looked down at Eli again, lying still and sleeping.
Grey resumed the gentle drift of his fingers through the hair of the man who had proved that, no, there was no timetable, regulation or rulebook.
* * *
Grey woke with a start. The TV was off and the room was in darkness, save for the last few embers from the fire and the faint glow leeching in from the street lamp. His heart thumped hard, his breath heavy in his lungs, and he sucked in deep to slow and steady his heart rate. Peering into the darkness, the space on the sofa next to him was empty.
Eli?” he called out, but his call went unanswered.
Grey pushed himself up, rolling his shoulders and easing out the tightness in his neck from slipping down the sofa in his sleep. He turned on the lamp next to him and peered at his watch, his eyes widening.Six o’clock?Afternoon had turned to early evening.
The living room door was ajar and Grey pulled it open, glancing into the corner where he’d last seen Trevor, but he too seemed to have disappeared.
“Eli? Where are you?” Grey called again, but like before there was no answer.
No Eli and no Trevor, so Eli must have woken up and taken the little dog out for a walk. Grey’s lips quirked a smile. Trevor was the laziest dog alive, who didn’t like snow even more than he didn’t like the rain, or the sunshine, or doing anything more active than moving from one cushion to the next.
“Wish you’d woken me, though,” Grey muttered to himself as he made his way to the kitchen.
A walk in the snow, on Christmas Eve, hand in hand and declarations of love… Grey’s heart leapt in his chest, any idea about timetables ripped up and thrown to the wind. Maybe those declarations could be made on the rug, in front of the fire… once Eli got back with Trevor whining in his arms, because there was no way that dog would be walking anywhere.
Armed with a coffee, Grey started to make his way back to the living room, coming to a stop when a high pitched whimpering sounded from along the hallway, followed by frantic scratching.
“Trevor? What are you doing here?” Grey abandoned the coffee on the hallway table and rushed to the front door where Trevor was pawing, his whimpers filled with distress. “What’s wrong, boy? Where’s Eli?”
Grey scooped up the small dog, but Trevor wriggled and writhed so much Grey put him down before he fell from his arms. Grey called out again, knowing he’d receive nothing but silence. A shiver passed over him, and Grey wound his arms around his middle as realisation began to dawn.
Peter’s sudden appearance and Eli, his usual lively self muted over lunch, the lunch he’d not touched. And him, pre-occupied as he mulled over his conversation with his ex-husband.
“Oh, shit.”
Grey flew up the stairs, to the room Eli had stopped sleeping in. He threw open the wardrobe door. All the clothes they’d bought together were still there, hanging up or neatly piled. A wave of relief flooded through him. Eli’s clothes were there, so that meant… Grey looked down. No boots. And the coat, the old one of Grey’s and way too big for Eli, the coat he wore because he wouldn’t let Grey buy him one, because who wore a coat indoors? Boots and coat gone, and the silky fine woollen scarf, too.
Grey slammed the wardrobe door, the force of the slam causing it to swing open again. Grey grabbed hold of it, to keep himself upright on his trembling legs. Eli had gone, he’d left without hearing everything Grey wanted and needed to say to him, without hearing how much Grey loved him.
Beneath him, Grey’s legs buckled and he sank to the floor.
Did Eli think that, deep down, he still wanted Peter, that he’d jump at a second chance with the man he’d spent so many years of his life with?
