Page 50 of Meeting Mr. Adorkable
“For today. For yesterday. For being my gallant knight and winning me a prize. For taking me into the mountains to see the stars.”
“Just to see the stars?” Arlo’s lips lifted in a dark smile, and a delicious shiver tumbled down Lucian’s spine.
“Can’t think what else you might mean, but the stars were amazing, fabulous, awesome.”And so were you.
Lucian pushed his glasses up on top of his head and looked out over the park. There were a few dog walkers in the distance, and some kids were playing, but they were so far away he and Arlo might as well have been alone.
“Take them off. You don’t need them.”
“You want me to take my clothes off?” Lucian laughed as he switched his attention back to Arlo. “What if Deputy Sheriff Ted Warren turns up? Or even Sheriff Morgan? How could I explain my immodest behavior?” His laughter died on his lips. Arlo wasn’t laughing, his steady gaze serious as it met his. Lucian swallowed. “What do you mean?” He already knew, but it didn’t stop him from fumbling for his glasses.
Arlo sat up and loosely wrapped his hand around his wrist, stopping him from pulling them down onto his nose.
“I know you don’t need them. Last night, at Jake’s Lookout, you forgot to put them back on. I know they’re clear glass.”
Lucian sagged, and Arlo caught him in his arms. “You must think I’m really stupid,” he whispered, dropping his head forward. He couldn’t meet Arlo’s gaze and see the questions he didn’t want to answer.
“No, I don’t think that at all. But I know why you wear them. Or I think I do. Your ex, right? Miles? Come on, look at me.”
Lucian hunched his shoulders, refusing to look up, because whatever Arlo said, he felt stupid because he was stupid.
Stupid for letting Miles get to him. Stupid for letting Miles make him run and hide.
A finger under his chin tilted his head up. Arlo gazed down at him, his gaze so soft and brimming with compassion and understanding, Lucian’s heart stuttered in his chest.
Arlo cupped his face with his palm and gently swept his thumb across his cheekbone. The touch was warm and comforting, and Lucian nuzzled into it.
“I won’t push you to tell me, but I hope you do.”
Lucian closed his eyes, wanting only to feel Arlo’s sure touch. He didn’t want to speak, he didn’t want to own up to his weakness, he didn’t want to be the ground down, pathetic man Miles had molded him in to. But as Arlo’s thumb brushed over his cheek, his heartbeat slowed, as regular and rhythmic as Arlo’s touch. Arlo wouldn’t judge him, and Lucian drew strength from the conviction; he opened his eyes and looked up, forcing himself to meet Arlo’s gaze.
“I told you about him, how he always chipped away at me. I don’t know why I let it happen, but I did. It wasn’t as if I couldn’t have walked away any time I wanted. Yet I didn’t. Maybe it says something about me, that there’s some defect in my character.”
“No, never say that. The guy was a bully. Never blame yourself for what he did.”
“I did at first, but then I felt a sense of relief, like someone had lifted a weight from my shoulders when I got that photo of the beach. Dumping me was the best thing he did. I only wish I’d had the courage to be the one to have done it.”
Lucian lifted the glasses from the top of his head and looked down at them.
“They’re so ugly. I chose the ugliest ones I could find, because that’s how he made me feel. They were a mask, and I knew it. I knew what I was doing when I bought them.” He snorted. “God alone knows what the optician thought. Mad, probably, when I said I didn’t want an eye test, I just wanted some frames with clear glass. I told everybody I’d become shortsighted, so they wouldn’t ask why I was suddenly wearing specs.
“When I got them, I felt better because I had a mask I could hide behind. It was easier to look at the world from behind the barrier I set up. Miles said they were the most disgusting things he’d ever seen and tried to get me to go for contact lenses. Which I didn’t need, of course.
“It was the only time I openly defied him and stuck to my guns. He hated me wearing them, and I got a kind of perverse kick out of it. But of course once I began wearing them I couldn’t suddenly stop, so they became a habit, like brushing my teeth or having a shower each morning.”
“You can break the habit. It’ll just take a little time.”
Lucian turned the glasses over and over in his hands. It would be so easy to snap them in two, to chuck them into the trash, to throw away everything they represented, but…
“I should get rid of them, I know that, and I’ve tried. Soon after I came here, I even left them in the apartment one time before setting off for work — I hadn’t been quite brave enough to throw them away — but I only got a few yards before I panicked and rushed back. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make myself face the world, even a world where I didn’t know anybody, without them.”
“You were alone, but you’re not now.” Arlo leaned forward, and Lucian sighed as Arlo kissed him, the brush of lips as soft and light as summer mist. No heat, no fire, just a simple affirmation that no, he was not alone, not anymore.
“I—I don’t think I’m ready to get rid of them. Not yet. But when it’s just us, in private, I could, maybe, not wear them? You know, take that bit of time to break the habit?” His fingers tightened around them.
Arlo smiled. “That sounds like a plan.” He looked up at the sky. “Rain’s coming. Let’s go back to your apartment, where you can take your glasses off. And everything else.”
Lucian grinned, extending his arm for Arlo to pull him up. Yes, that sounded like a plan.
