Page 72 of Meeting Mr. Adorkable
“So what is this? You like this Arlo because he’s twenty years your senior?”
Lucian could hear the irritation and impatience rising in his mum’s normally level voice, and he bit down on his tongue so hard he winced. He couldn’t allow this to veer off into displays of temper on either side.
“First of all, he’s notthis Arlo. Don’t refer to him like that, Mum, otherwise I’m going to log out and end this conversation.” He waited a second before his mum nodded her agreement. He tried to slow his breathing to relieve the tension holding him in its iron grip; it didn’t work.
“His age is just one facet of who he is, but it’s essentially irrelevant. I tried hard to keep my distance, to not get involved, because I was determined to not get involved with anybody.” Had he tried to keep his distance? He wasn’t sure he believed himself, so how could his mum?
“But who he is, that’s what broke through my defenses. Arlo’s kind and thoughtful, and he makes me feel good about myself. He listens to me and he’s interested in who I am and what I think. He doesn’t try to mold me into what he believes I should be. We make each other laugh and we’re so much on the same wavelength. We just fit together, and I—I feel safe with him. These are all the things Arlo is, and they’re the things that really matter.”
“They do matter, honey. But so does age.” His mum held up a hand to quell the protest fizzing in Lucian’s chest. “Hear me out, okay? Maybe Arlo is all the things you say he is, but a twenty-year age gap is a lot, and with it comes differences in life experience. The stage a person is in their life influences what they want out of it. The priorities of a forty-four-year-old are not those of somebody of twenty-four, they just aren’t. You said he sold a successful business in New York, but now he’s returned to his hometown, in the middle of nowhere. Why did he do that?”
Lucian met his mum’s clear, level gaze. Out of sight of the camera, he rubbed his sweaty palms over his thighs.
“Because his last relationship fell apart. It’s what made him decide to change his life and come back here.” Arlo’s life with a younger man…
“Does he know about you and Miles?”
“Yes. I told him everything. I almost had to stop him from getting on a plane to London so as he could come and punch his lights out.”
His mum smiled. “That’s certainly a big plus in his favor, then.”
Lucian laughed, the moment providing some much needed relief, but his mum’s face quickly grew serious once more. She leaned forward, filling more of the computer screen.
“Honey, I love you. You know that, right?”
“Mum…” Please, don’t play the ‘I love you and want to protect you’ card…
“But it’s because I do that I’m pushing you on this. Everything you just said, all those good things about Arlo? You said the same things about Miles in the beginning, and you said the same things about the guy before. They were older — older than I’d have wished, but I said nothing because we all have to learn about life — but they hurt you, and they hurt you badly. You were a wreck after Miles.” She shook her head. “That guy was a piece of work. I was so worried about you, and so were your brother and sister—”
“Were they? I must have blinked because I didn’t notice.”
“Honey, come on. That’s not fair. They’ve always been there for you. They just do it quietly, and without fuss. Remember when Daddy passed and how distraught you were? The way they insisted on taking turns in sleeping with you in your room while you processed what had happened? Lord knows, no way in this world could I have coped without them, because I was almost comatose with grief.”
Lucian closed his eyes and ran his hands down his face. He remembered, just as he remembered Rex Burley-Tait, the nastiest of the school bullies who’d made his life hell — until Eddie had approached him for a ‘quiet word’. Perhaps it had been a coincidence Rex had been off school for the rest of the term, because of a broken arm and a dislocated jaw. When Rex returned to school, the dethroned bully made a point of ignoring him.
“They want the best for you, just as much as I do.”
“I know that, Mum. I know you all love me, just as I love you all back. But I know what — who’s — best for me better than anybody else. You’ve got to stop worrying and trust me on this. You all have. Please?”
“Oh, Lucian,” she sighed. Lucian’s heart clenched. Not honey, not this time. “I’ll never stop worrying about you, because that’s what moms do, and you’re my baby boy, remember? It doesn’t matter how old you are, it’s what you’ll always be to me. You ask me to trust you not to make the same mistakes again. But I don’t know if I can.”
“You can trust me, because I trust Arlo. He’s nothing like Miles. I feel good about myself, more than I’ve ever felt before.” He ran his hands through his hair. What he had to say next couldn’t come as a surprise, but he had to say it. He had to make it clear. “I’m not ready to come home yet.” Maybe I never will… but if he said those words now, they’d be a punch to the stomach of the woman he loved so much.
She nodded. The only clue his words had pained her was the tiny inward pull of her brows.
“You’re not a kid, and your life is your own, and I need to remember that even though it’s hard sometimes. But promise me this. Don’t let your emotions blind you. This isn’t the first time we’ve been here. If you have any doubts, any inkling that something isn’t working, promise me you’ll be out of there and on the first flight home. Because if you don’t do that, my promise to you is that if I think things aren’t right, I’ll be hightailing it out to haul your sorry ass back home. I won’t stand aside and see you down in the dirt ever again.”
Lucian blinked as tears burned behind his eyes.
“I promise. You won’t need to channel your mama bear.” He gave her a quivering, wonky smile.
“Where you’re concerned, I’ll always be your mama bear, and I won’t be afraid to use my claws. Oh, and honey? I love the new look. You’re my beautiful baby boy again.”
CHAPTERTHIRTY-FIVE
“What’s up? You’ve been quiet and kind of distracted all evening. Most times I can’t shut you up — except with one thing.” Arlo grinned and waggled his eyebrows to make Lucian smile. It didn’t work.
All around them, the lively buzz of chatter and laughter from the restaurant’s Friday night crowd only highlighted how low key and subdued Lucian was.
