Page 61 of Sparring Partners
“My phone’s been switched off.”
“You never switch it off.”
Luca shrugged.
“Then I went to the cottage and when I got no answer, I knew you’d be here.”
Was he really so predictable? “Didn’t you think I might be avoiding you, that I had no interest in speaking to you after last night?”
“You had every right to not want to. But I didn’t sense you there. It just felt empty.”
Luca swallowed. They were words to make his heart sigh — if he let them.
“I’ve come here to?—”
“To apologise? You’ve already done that. So that just leaves an explanation as to why you reacted?—”
“Like a jealous prick.”
Luca’s eyes widened. “Jealous? Of Alex? Ofmeand Alex? Jealous of something that happened years ago, long before you and I ever met? For god’s sake, Adrian, do you expect me to tell you about every man I’ve had a relationship with? Every hook up? Every one night stand? If so, let me tell you, but it’ll make one hell of a dull story.” He slumped down on the sofa, his anger, frustration and confusion kicking his legs out from under him.
Coming over, his steps slow and cautious, Adrian sat down next to Luca. A burst of sympathy flared in Luca’s chest. Close up, with dark shadows beneath his dull eyes, Adrian looked as shit as he himself felt.
No…He wouldn’t let himself feel sorry for Adrian. The man had been in the wrong, and he was damned if he was going to throw him a lifeline.
“If you want me to, I’ll grovel on my knees until they’re ripped to shreds and bloody.”
“No.” The image of Adrian, abasing himself like that, it felt all wrong. That wasn’t the man he’d come to know, a man he’d come to… He swallowed as he glanced away, unable for a moment to meet Adrian’s sad and weary eyes. “You’ve apologised already for your behaviour. You don’t have to keep doing it. I need some tea. Do you want some?”
Adrian’s eyes widened in surprise. “Er, yes. Please.”
Luca busied himself, taking the moment to think about what he needed to say next, and how to say it. He sat down next to Adrian, closing his eyes as he sipped the scalding liquid, and breathed in the Earl Grey’s aromatic fragrance. It was calming. Not much, only a little, but he’d take what it gave him. Opening his eyes, he put the cup on the coffee table and turned back to Adrian.
“You want to know about me and Alex, so let me explain. But you need to listen, because I will only ever say this once. Do you understand?”
Adrian nodded, a tiny bob of his head as he clutched his cup in his big, work worn hands.
“Yes, we were together. Years and years ago. Yes, we even believed we had a long term future. But we didn’t. From the lovers we knew we couldn’t remain as, we morphed into a friendship which binds us like brothers. That’ll never change, and I’m not willing to do anything to undermine our relationship.” He met Adrian’s dull gaze, forcing himself to hold it, willing himself to slow the hard, uneven beat of his heart.
“I omitted to tell you, not because I was being secretive, but because that facet of my relationship with Alex ended a long time ago. Years before I met you, years before I even met Bruno. I didn’t tell you because to my mind there was nothing to tell you about. I’ve no more to say about it. You either believe me or you don’t, but only you can decide which side to come down on.”
Adrian put his own cup on the coffee table and scrubbed his hands over his face, smudging the dirt Luca’s fingers itched to wipe away.
“I do believe you, I honestly do. But what he said, dropping it into the conversation the way he did, it threw me. I can’t deny it. How can I, when you saw my reaction? I—I just wished you’d told me, that’s all, rather than hearing it like that… of being the last one to know.” Adrian’s voice broke on the final words as he let his head fall forward.
Luca stared at Adrian, not a muscle moving, barely breathing as a chill crept through his bones.
“This isn’t all about me and Alex, is it?” he said slowly. “This is about you and Sam.”
Adrian looked up, his eyes desolate, and Luca’s heart jolted.
“I was the last one to find out about him,” Adrian whispered. “Everybody knew. Everybody except me. What he did, it was with somebody I believed was a friend. Somebody I invited into my home, somebody I trusted. … And all the time, it was happening right under my nose.”
Sam. The man who when he’d left hadn’t left alone. Secrets and lies. Was that what he believed he and Alex were?
“Adrian. Please. I’m not him. I’m not Sam. I would never?—”
“I know.” Adrian looked up, his eyes narrowed, his brow scrunched, as though he were fighting a searing headache. “I know you’re not him. There’s not the slightest comparison. My reaction… I know it was stupid and irrational. But it brought it all back, everything that happened. I felt like a cornered dog and I did what cornered dogs do. I went for you, and I should never have done that.”
