Page 34 of Meeting Mr. Christmas
“I saw you at the bash last night. Man, it was crazy busy. You look like you had a heavy night. Spend too much time in the beer garden, huh? Reckon you need a bucket of coffee, not a cup. Rogue, over here,” Jordan called, his voice loud enough to make Jed wince, as the door crashed open. “I was telling Jed he looks like shit.”
Nick Levine, but known as Rogue to those who knew him well, always tagged along with whatever mischief Jordan was busy brewing, slapped Jed on the back as he fell into the seat next to Jordan. Both of them grinned at him across the table, full of sunshine and as bright as the morning sky. He couldn’t bear it; he needed to tell them to take a hike.
“Look guys, I?—”
“Where’s Noel?” Rogue looked around, head twisting from side to side, as though he expected Noel to pop up from behind the counter, or burst out from the Staff Only door.
“Why d’ya ask?” Jed snapped.
Rogue jerked back, shock making his eyes wide. “Take it easy, okay?”
Jordan leaned forward, his face thunderous, eyebrows drawn down in a hard V.
“Sorry,” Jed mumbled. “You’re right, it was a heavy night.” He glanced at Jordan and tried to smile, and Jordan’s stormy expression relented a tad. “Noel’s at home I guess.” Curled up in bed, sound asleep, his lips curved up in the softest of smiles, a smile that’d fade when he woke up and found himself alone, and all because he’d panicked, his heart racing, his stomach knotting as he’d thrown on his clothes and fled.
“Just used to seeing you guys hanging out together all the time, is all,” Jordan said, his voice gruff. His hand landed on Jed’s shoulder, adding to the weight that was already crushing him. “We’ll leave you to your sore head. More coffee, and aspirin, that’s my advice.”
Jordan and Rogue made their way to the counter, laughing and joking with Cam, and Jed tried not to notice the glances thrown his way as he hunched some more, and gripped his cup as though his life depended on it.
Deep in his pocket, his cell pinged as a message dropped in. His heart stuttered. Had Noel woken up, wondering where he was, wondering what the hell was going on? He could ignore it, but that made him feel worse if that were even possible.
He could be a dick, he knew that, even though it wasn’t something he was proud of. But he’d never, ever been deeply ashamed of anything he’d done. And he wasn’t ashamed now, not about what had happened between him and Noel. No, what shamed him was being a coward, for not being there with Noel when he woke up, and all because he was too scared, too much of a fucking coward to face the morning after the night before.
He pulled his cell out, bracing himself for what he might see. A rush of air burst through his lips and his shoulders sagged. Not Noel, but his mom. They’d just got home, cutting their visit by a day to avoid the forecast heavy snow. He pushed himself up against the weight that wanted to shove him back down again. A shower and a change of clothes, before lying back on his single bed to stare at the ceiling, trying to untangle his knotted thoughts as he worked out what the hell he was going to do next.
“Jed? Jed!”
Jed jerked up to sitting, his head snapping one way then the other, his confused and jumbled dreams already fading fast.
“What? I was asleep,” he croaked, running his hands through his hair.
“You need to wake up.” Her voice filtered through the closed door of Jed’s bedroom. “Your dad and I have some errands to run. Noel’s here. Shall I send him up?”
“No!” Jed leaped from the bed; lightheaded and swaying, he grabbed the nightstand, the towel he was still wearing from his shower slipping to the floor.
“Then come down. There’s hot chocolate for you both. And some of Great Aunt Wendy’s cookies. They’re a little burned around the edges and hard enough to crack a tooth, but the poor thing tries.” His mom’s voice, getting louder, and footsteps on the stairs. He launched himself towards the door, dragging a chair across and ramming it under the handle before she could burst in. Sweat beaded his skin, his chest rising and falling in shallow breaths.
On the other side of the door, his mom’s voice was barely a whisper. “Don’t be long. Noel, he looks kind of funny. Not himself, but I can’t work out why. He says he’s not coming down with anything, but I don’t know. Maybe he needs a good meal? Bye, dear.”
Minutes later, Jed paused outside the kitchen door and bit down on the edge of his thumbnail. They had to talk, and he needed to explain, somehow, why he’d run away… Jesus, how could he even begin to explain to Noel when he could hardly explain it to himself?
Sitting at the kitchen table, Noel clutched his hot chocolate, all his attention on the battered dog basket in the corner where Peter and Gomer cuddled up together.
“Hey,” Jed rasped.
Noel turned to him, and Jed’s heart clenched. Not himself was an understatement. Noel’s face was completely drained of color, and his normally bright blue eyes were dull, with bloodshot whites. Jed bunched his hands, holding back against the urge to pull Noel into a hug and demand to know what the hell was wrong. Because he knew what was wrong. They were wrong. He had made them wrong. Everything was different now, the morning after the goddamn night before.
“Hi. Erm…” Noel paused, just a beat, before he took a deep breath and plowed on. “I think maybe we should talk. About last night.”
Jed nodded as he pulled out a chair and slumped down into it. He stared down at the table, unable to meet Noel’s eyes.Too fucking ashamed for being a coward…“I’m sorry. About leaving this morning, before you woke up, I mean. I… I shouldn’t have just left like that,” he whispered, his gaze following the tip of his finger as it traced the grain of the old wooden table.
“No, you shouldn’t have. But don’t worry, because you’re not the first guy who’s made a run for it.”
Jed’s head jerked upwards, the sharpness in Noel’s voice forcing him to meet his gaze. No way was he the same as all those loser ex-boyfriends of Noel’s. He swallowed hard. No, he wasn’t the same. He was way, way worse.
“Noel… Look, okay, I know I did a really shitty thing just leaving like that, but last night… When I woke up, I kind of panicked, I guess. Because I’ve never done stuff like that. With a guy.”
“So what was it? What made you decide last night was the time to try? Was I some sort of experiment?”
